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He's given me non-silent silent treatment for a week. What is it called??

(74 Posts)
GalleryWall Sun 16-Feb-20 21:20:22

DH makes me a cuppa every morning when I come downstairs. We had an argument last Monday. He's continued to make the cuppa but communication from him is very low. He's barely talking but he isn't ignoring me. I need to have it out with him because his sulking is toxic but what on earth do I describe his behaviour as? He will say he hasn't given me the silent treatment or ignored me which is true, but he's barely talking.

LowcaAndroidow Sun 16-Feb-20 21:21:47

Sulking. Like a child.

glenhaggis Sun 16-Feb-20 21:21:48

The common name for it is 'Man being an absolute dick'

quicktan Sun 16-Feb-20 21:21:50

Why are you putting up with it? Passive-aggressive...?

Roundhole Sun 16-Feb-20 21:22:11

Can you not just say can we talk about what happened last Monday/what ever the fight was about ?

Sparklesocks Sun 16-Feb-20 21:22:35

The making the tea but not talking sounds quite passive aggressive.

Have you said to him that you need to talk, and you’re aware he’s ignoring you and you should talk through it? It’s super childish for him to carry on like that. Adults are meant to be above that stuff.

GalleryWall Sun 16-Feb-20 21:23:49

Quicktan because usually he bends over backwards for me and our kids. But as we are getting older he's prone to more miserable spells. Agree its childish sulking but he wont accept that

GalleryWall Sun 16-Feb-20 21:25:06

He will deny that he is ignoring me angry he's not ignoring me, he's just withholding instigation of conversation and creating an atmosphere.

MashedSpud Sun 16-Feb-20 21:26:06

Sulking for a week. Life’s too short for bullshit.

Roundhole Sun 16-Feb-20 21:27:28

Just talk to him. The fight has obviously not been resolved and we have no idea what the fight was about and which of you is in the right etc. Just say I think we need to talk about whatever it was.

Sparklesocks Sun 16-Feb-20 21:27:53

If he denies it then you need to push further and say no, you’re deliberately not speaking to me and now you’re pretending everything is fine to undermine me.
It’s not acceptable to treat your spouse like that. In all honesty I couldn’t stay married to someone who clearly didn’t respect me enough to speak to me like an adult.

Laiste Sun 16-Feb-20 21:28:05


is what i'd call it.

Getitwright Sun 16-Feb-20 21:28:28

Just talk to him as though nothing has happened, don’t rise to the bait, keep it light and friendly. He’ll get bored that his efforts are having little effect, and get over it quicker. Once he’s out of feeling sorry for himself and things are back on an even keel, then you can find out if there’s any underlying issue for his attack of the grumps.

DukeChatsworth Sun 16-Feb-20 21:29:16

He’s ‘grey-rocking’ you.

It’s a good method to use with narcissists. But here he’s being a sulking dick.

Babymamamama Sun 16-Feb-20 21:29:21

Yep. It's passive aggressive ... otherwise known as sulking. My not so DP does this. He's older than me and should know better. At this point he will never grow out of it. What he doesn't know is one day I will leave him because of it. Ugh I hate sulking.

vodkaredbullgirl Sun 16-Feb-20 21:29:23

wow a week, just talk to him

ActualHornist Sun 16-Feb-20 21:29:32

Cold shouldering.

ReallyLilyReally Sun 16-Feb-20 21:30:37

If i were you I'd ignore the sulking and instead revisit the argument as it obviously isn't resolved. Fix whatever it was, make up, and go on as normal.

Or tell him you're going to stay with your mum/sister/friend/postman until he stops behaving like a stroppy teen.

Roundhole Sun 16-Feb-20 21:31:18

I can't believe some of these responses the poor guy is just being a bit cool with her it's hardly crime of the century. Yes a bit childish but most people do it from time to time. It doesn't sound like OP has tried to resolve it either up until now.

OP just go an talk to him for goodness sake he is your husband.

ThatsSooooGerard Sun 16-Feb-20 21:31:53

It's called 'being a dick'

Getitwright Sun 16-Feb-20 21:34:55

Yep. Men do worry about things, the same as women do. They do feel hurt if the name calling or accusing gets a bit nasty. He doesn’t sound like a bad person, and he’s not totally ignoring you or being really nasty or violent.

RhiWrites Sun 16-Feb-20 21:40:20

Maybe his feelings were hurt and he’s still processing his emotions.

You know some people like to start fights and then they calm down and they expect the fight to be over because they’re okay now. Meanwhile other people are just blindsided by the fight and it’s not until it’s over they have a chance to figure out what they think.

I don’t know. This thread kind of annoys me. It’s not enough that he’s still bringing OP cups of tea, he’s expected to do it with a smile on his face too? Maybe he doesn’t feel like smiling.

namechange5575 Sun 16-Feb-20 21:41:57

Bob, we need to talk about this lack of communication.
What lack of communication?
You aren't talking to me like you normally do.
Yes I am. I'm talking to you.
Yes, but not like you normally do.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I think you're pissed off from our fight last week, and to show me you are pissed off you are ignoring me / talking less etc.
No I'm not.
Do you really believe that? Do you think I'm imagining it? You think this is how we normally are?
Ok. Two weeks ago, you spoke to me in a friendly voice, smiled at me lots, lots of eye contact. Lots of chat. Offering helpful things. Since the fight, that has all stopped. I think you are still upset from the fight. Shall we talk about the fight? Was it quite upsetting for you?
(Hopefully he'll talk. If he doesn't...)
Bob, this is no way to live. We need to find a way to work through these episodes. You are communicating something, but it just feels like a punishment, and I want to resolve things do we can both feel happier together. But honestly, if you just want things to stay like this, I'm not prepared for this to be my future. This is miserable for me and I'm not going to live the rest of my life like this.

GalleryWall Sun 16-Feb-20 21:43:43

The argument was put to bed. He'd pushed it. I said I knew he'd give me the silent treatment for days so it wasn't sorted. He denied he would, said he'd be fine. So this is him being fine, not ignoring me but miserable and quiet. He's not usually a deep thinker but he does this miserable routine every now and then. The argument was about him wanting more sex. His sulking is really making me want to jump on him hmm

HappyHammy Sun 16-Feb-20 21:45:04

Ask him if hes.ok. he seems a bit quiet..he will either open up or say everything is ok in which case ignore it.

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