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AIBU - fiancé actively looking at OW

(65 Posts)
Sweetandawfulsour Fri 14-Feb-20 23:29:47

Picture the scene, I’ve cooked a 3 course meal, poured him a glass of bubbly and even cared for his DS all day for him to sit on his phone and browse a subreddit called prettygirls the moment I’m out the room.
I’m not ugly, nor am I classically beautiful so I can see why he and the rest of males would glance at passing ladies. But to actively search and subscribe to prettygirls post and to browse on Valentines Day seems cheeky. Am I wrong?

madamedesevigne Fri 14-Feb-20 23:31:00

Of course you’re not wrong. Bloody hell!

JuanSheetIsPlenty Fri 14-Feb-20 23:33:26

Urgh. Save yourself the time and emotional energy and just dump him now. Don’t waste the best years of your life on this loser. Sleazes like him are ten a penny. Go and find yourself someone who actually wants to spend time with you on Valentine’s Day.

billy1966 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:35:13

OP, really.
You don't need to ask.
Do you?
So you are the help.
While he scopes his options.

Well now you know.

Bin his ass.

Thedogscollar Fri 14-Feb-20 23:39:03

I would not be wasting my time on this twat. He is taking you for an idiot so please please show him your not.

BruceAndNosh Fri 14-Feb-20 23:39:41

Pour him another glass of bubbly.
All over his head.

You consider him your fiance.
He considers you as his childcare

Iminaglasscaseofemotion Fri 14-Feb-20 23:41:37

It's not ok at anytime, not just on valentines day

Leeds2 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:43:31

Get rid.

Elliesmommy Fri 14-Feb-20 23:45:07


Happygirl79 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:46:28

OMG Why on earth would you stay with this man?
He does not show any respect for you
He is a selfish man and you are worth so much more

NigellaAwesome Fri 14-Feb-20 23:47:17


PineappleCocktail Fri 14-Feb-20 23:48:24

This is why Valentine's Day is a load of bollocks. It's not acceptable on any day OP. Not today, not tomorrow, not yesterday. LTB.

AngstyAnnie Fri 14-Feb-20 23:50:32

Christ. Did he know you could see what he was doing? Or how did you figure this out? Regardless, the idea of that makes my skin crawl. What a creep. You say Fiancé - I say lucky escape! Get going while you can.

Sweetandawfulsour Fri 14-Feb-20 23:58:19

He’s always secretive about his phone, not in a seedy way but more of a personal security type of way. I don’t feel he’d cheat, don’t even feel he’s doing it maliciously or to get perverted kicks.

I just want to feel appreciated, I’m always the one to initiate extra curricular activities. I’ve asked him whether he thinks I’m too fat, too plain, too ugly, too stupid, too this and too that. He always says the right thing. I do feel loved but not like a “smack in the ribs, holy shit, he really loves me” love.

Sweetandawfulsour Fri 14-Feb-20 23:59:44

Now I’ve seen it in writing it’s made me feel a bit numb. Thanks for the replies. I have some soul searching and talking to do.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo Sat 15-Feb-20 00:00:09

Totally no!!!! Yes - of course men probably look at attractive women as they walk past etc - as I might possibly notice a hunky bloke...grin! We can all enjoy looking at the menu when we're on a diet, as they say. But only as part of normal life - anyone who is actively looking for it while in a relationship is a using sleazeball and you definitely need to LTB!

Plus it's gross. Why is he looking/what does he get from it? I'd never be able to enjoy a normal physical relationship with someone like that as I'd imagine he was comparing me to those girls. (So like watching porn I suppose, same issues. Maybe some men do within a normal relationship? But definitely not while you are cooking his food and looking after his child......!)

billy1966 Sat 15-Feb-20 00:03:31

Asking him too this? Too that? Too wtf OP..

How about too clued in to put up with this bullshit.

TheDeadLadyOfClownTown Sat 15-Feb-20 00:05:02

Every time I hear the word "fiancé " it seems like the girl is desperately trying to marry a twat. Don't want to kick you when you're down, but come on loveflowers

Shortfeet Sat 15-Feb-20 00:07:44

Ah, it’s harmless fun . Let him be a man .


Have some self respect.
This isn’t ok

Merryoldgoat Sat 15-Feb-20 00:08:24

Honestly, why would you put up with this? He’s a pig. That’s really grim.

PickAChew Sat 15-Feb-20 00:09:16

Don't marry him.

SleepingStandingUp Sat 15-Feb-20 00:11:00

How did you find out op? What has he said about it?

Watermelontea Sat 15-Feb-20 00:15:41

@TheDeadLadyOfClownTown - Well, if you get engaged and not married immediately afterwards you’d have a fiancé?

He is a loser, and you need to get rid of him and look for that ‘smack in the ribs’ love you deserve.

Sweetandawfulsour Sat 15-Feb-20 00:19:56

I walked back into the room, I asked who he was perving on. He quipped back “just some girl on the internet” hmm If it was once or twice I wouldn’t care less, it’s almost daily that I’ll walk in and he’s scrolling a little too fast. Don’t know whether it’s the Post baby blues, the lack of self confidence or what?! It’s just making me feel so little and insignificant. If I mention it, I’ll get the right answer and he’ll no doubt be more careful about doing it.
I don’t mind, I really don’t mind him looking. I look, I perv but wouldn’t dream of being so brazen about it. I don’t see any reason to leave him over it. It needs addressing but I’m safe in the knowledge this isn’t acceptable and I’m not being sensitive about it.

BruceAndNosh Sat 15-Feb-20 00:23:10

Post baby blues?
Does that mean you've got a child with this twat?

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