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In-laws on a Friday night?!

(26 Posts)
ilovelamp2 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:06:49

Okay, so I know it’s Valentine’s but we’re both not really ones to celebrate that but still..... Friday night is the Holy Grail, right?

Dragged myself to half term and ready for a fab night in with hubby and nine year old daughter. Easy food? Check. Wine stocked? Check. Comfy clothes? Check. Crafts/magazine (with plastic tat)/family games ready? Check. Everyone reasonably chipper and stress free? Check.

Then at 8 o’clock he pipes up, “Shall we ask my parents round now for a few drinks?” Er .... no. I was polite but, no. We’ve all been at work/school all week and ready for some time just the three of us. We’re off fir half term so plenty of time to invite them round later in the week.

He said that was fine but then hardly said a word and went to bed at 10.15! For context, we are both night owls and usually stay up late on a weekend.

Now I am thinking I should have just said yes and saved myself from the grumpy pants.... He said he is just tired but so what?! When aren’t we.?! Doesn’t usually stop us!

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit miffed about the fact that I am sat on my own watching Graham Norton on a Friday night?

PS - hope everyone else is enjoying Valentines!

mrsmalcolmreynolds Fri 14-Feb-20 23:09:41

Well it depends. This was clearly your ideal plan but had you talked to him about it? What's the history with his parents?

BackforGood Fri 14-Feb-20 23:14:45

What MrsMalcolm said.

Your plan of "ideal night" might not be the same as his.
I know on MN it is popular to presume all in-laws are awful, but that isn't everyone's experience.

ilovelamp2 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:22:42

Fair questions Mrsmal! We had said that was the plan but then we pretty much do that most Fridays anyway. He met a work friend for a beer first, again, as normal, then came home after - friend drives so not an option to stay out. Just a catch up really as husband now works from home,

The second question is a bit more complicated. To cut a long story short, his mam and her husband recently moved back up north after living down south for 20 years. They’re only a street away which is genuinely really great for lots of reasons and we do get on well now. It has been tricky in the past and I have been the one to encourage him to work on his relationship with them as I don’t want him to miss out on that. But perhaps his request has taken me by surprise a bit .... I sort of feel like I should just say yes all the time but perhaps I don’t need to. I wouldn’t expect him to say yes if I asked if my parents could come round on a Friday, although I wouldn’t ask!

ilovelamp2 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:24:02

Agreed Backforgood. They’re really not awful, at all! I do like them.

Cherrysoup Fri 14-Feb-20 23:27:55

YANBU. Friday night is sacrosanct in the Cherrysoup household. Half term has started, food and drink were purchased at breakneck speed (so I didn’t see any of the kids I teach, my trolley had booze and chocolate in it) Had anyone come round, I would have been devastated.

Babybel90 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:31:40

Christ no, on a Friday night after a week at work I don’t want to invite anyone round, never mind in-laws (no matter how nice they are)

billy1966 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:32:43

He's gone for a sulk because you said No.

Sounds like he doesn't like you saying No.

Let him sulk OP.

ilovelamp2 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:36:27

Yes cherry soup! I did exactly the same in Lidl! Went back for a second little trolley (child labour) so I could fill the first one with special offer Prosecco and Greek food whilst dodging any kids I teach 🙈 Mission accomplished.

I also bought a leg of lamb. Plan? Invite them round for lunch on Sunday?

JuanSheetIsPlenty Fri 14-Feb-20 23:37:45

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit miffed about the fact that I am sat on my own watching Graham Norton on a Friday night?


confused sounds ideal to me grin

Pumpkintopf Fri 14-Feb-20 23:38:39

You should be able to say no to a suggestion without him going off to bed in a sulk.

ilovelamp2 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:39:44

You know what? I AM going to party tonight. I have (a lot of) Prosecco. I have Greek food. I have ALL the dibbas. And precisely no one needs me to buy/do/think/say anything for them for another 8 whole hours!!!!

ilovelamp2 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:41:40

So right Juan. I crave alone time! What a fool I am for not spotting it earlier. And yes, Pumpkin, would have been even better without the sulking ....

Stefoscope Fri 14-Feb-20 23:42:15

YANBU. It sounds like you'd planned to be a generous host on Sunday. I'd have assumed his parents had their own plans on a Friday night anyway.

TW2013 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:42:46

If he brings it up again point out that it was THEIR first valentine's in their new house and surely they would want some time together (wink). The thought of that will probably ensure that he never raises the topic again.

PineappleCocktail Fri 14-Feb-20 23:45:09

Yeah Friday is for chilling. Could you compromise and have them over tomorrow night? I do force myself to embrace having company sometimes because I do end up enjoying it particularly on Saturday nights.

ilovelamp2 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:46:30

Marvellous advice TW - will definitely use that one! And yes Stefo, I shall! We do genuinely like having people round - it’s always our house, never the other way round which to be fair, suits us fine. Hope you are all enjoying a relaxing evening too.

ilovelamp2 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:48:55

Agreed Pineapple. Saturday nights are much better as everyone’s had a whole day to relax first!

mrsmalcolmreynolds Fri 14-Feb-20 23:49:35

OK, sounds like the inviting PILs was a bit of a whim/been to the pub notion. I wouldn't like that being sprung at no notice and I adore my PILs (and have just spent the evening with them but it was planned!).

So YANBU to say no, but it sounds like he is in a tricky place in his relationship with them so more discussion is called for. Doesn't sound to me like he automatically sulks if you say no so not sure there are wider alarm bells.

EL8888 Fri 14-Feb-20 23:51:42

YANBU. We have had a tough week and yeah we need some down time. Being brutal but in-laws will mess with that

ilovelamp2 Sat 15-Feb-20 00:03:02

I think you’re right there Mrsmal. I think he sort of doesn’t know yet how to get the balance between seeing them twice a year (which was awful) and feeling like he should ask them round all the time. My parents have been nearby all the time which we both really value but at the same time, I don’t feel bad if I don’t invite them to everything or if they annoy me a bit because I just love them whatever. He obviously isn’t there yet and still feels ‘obliged’ so definitely one to discuss,

(But not while I’m watching Say yes to the dress Alabama! Guilty pleasure?!)

Sunnydaysrock Sat 15-Feb-20 00:04:51

Probably couldn't be impartial at the mo as in laws have pissed me (and DH) off massively and seriously, but no, you work hard, look forward to Friday like everyone else and there's not many people that psychologically switch their brain to abandon the plans they have been dreaming about all week, to new, spontaneous ones that include the in laws! You're clearly doing your bit by having already thought ahead to Sunday. Bloody enjoy your evening!

ilovelamp2 Sat 15-Feb-20 00:07:34

Thank you Sunny - I actually am now! And sorry to hear your in laws have annoyed you both. I trust you have wine?

Sunnydaysrock Sat 15-Feb-20 00:17:54

Yes, vast quantities consumed this eveninggrin. V pleased you've had a good time. I laughed my head off at Graham Norton, bloody love Alan Carr and his Adele stories. In laws in our situation are beyond help, they'll never change and if it wasn't for our kids I'd happily never see them again, nor wld DH, obviously massive back story but has all come to a head with their shitty behaviour since my dad died just before Christmas. Luckily my DH is amazing so we'll be ok, sometimes you have to realise that just because you're related to people doesn't mean they deserve you. Sorry, I know you're probs tonight aren't that you dislike your in laws! Just ranting. Hope your DH isn't moody still in the am.

ilovelamp2 Sat 15-Feb-20 00:33:30

Ah Sunny that sounds really tough. You rant away! You’re so right though, we can’t choose them. But we can choose the next batch and sounds like you have made a great choice there! So sorry about your dad. Take care and wishing you every happiness.

Hopefully, my other half will have benefitted from an early night and be in a cheerier disposition, (He’ll have to be as I am on bottle number two and will therefore require a lie in!)

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