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To think marrying a rich person does not mean you've 'done well for yourself'?

(91 Posts)
BringOnTheBotox Fri 14-Feb-20 14:17:39

A woman I know has three daughters, all in their early twenties.

The middle daughter got married extremely young to a man twenty years older than her, who is wealthy.

The mum is constantly talking about how her daughter has 'done well for herself' in life.

I disagree that she has done well for herself; she hasn't got any qualifications above GCSE level, she had no career (worked part time in fashion retail before meeting her husband), and makes no money of her own.

AIBU to think she hasn't done well for herself if all she has done is marry someone rich?

HalfBiscuit Fri 14-Feb-20 14:18:51

It's a very old fashioned view, when the aim for a young woman was to marry a very rich man.

When actually she's done fuck all for herself.

everythingcrossed Fri 14-Feb-20 14:22:48

Well, she's got access to a lot of wealth and material stability which wouldn't have been likely if she had remained single so I can sort of see her mum's point of view even if it does raise my feminist hackles.

BrieAndChilli Fri 14-Feb-20 14:23:07

And in 15 years time she’ll get traded in for a younger model.
I just think what the hell has a 40 year old got in common with a 20 year old?? The obvious conclusion is he wants her youthful looks and body!
She’ll spend her life trying to remain thin, pretty and youthful while not being able to complain or do anything she really wants that goes against what he wants.

MurrayTheMonk Fri 14-Feb-20 14:23:10

YANBU. However for some people (my mother) marrying someone Rich definitely equates to having done well for Yourself and is to be admired. She would equally say someone who has a good job has done well for themselves but both would be treated with the same kind of awe that she reserves for anyone with a bit of cash confused. She has a value system that is vastly removed from mine grin

BringOnTheBotox Fri 14-Feb-20 14:26:33

BrieandChilli, she is obsessed with how she looks, to the extent of having fillers, botox, a boob job, veneers and other enhancements at the age of 23. Her husband is well known locally for being a womaniser so I don't doubt that one day he will leave her and their kids for a younger/prettier/skinnier model.

She currently does two workouts every single day but her mum seems proud about this.

NameChange84 Fri 14-Feb-20 14:27:29

Is she Mrs Bennett lol? Her views are about 200 years out of date.

Her daughter has married a much older rich man. Very little effort! I always feel parents who encourage their daughters to marry rich are like pimps, I knew a few growing up. They were parading their daughters around older business men from about 16 years old and encouraging them to go to certain events frequented by older, wealthier men as soon as they were old enough. Interestingly they didn’t expect the same of their sons until they were old enough to get a trophy wife. Gross.

Cinammoncake Fri 14-Feb-20 14:27:49

Is she Mrs Bennet? grin

Cinammoncake Fri 14-Feb-20 14:28:20

X post namchange great minds wink

Fightthebear Fri 14-Feb-20 14:28:44

They sound pretty well matched to be fair.

ShyTown Fri 14-Feb-20 14:34:21

Maybe her Mum is thrilled as she probably thought her daughter would be living at home forever given she has no qualifications and has never had a full time job?!

YakkityYakYakYak Fri 14-Feb-20 14:35:08

Such an old fashioned and sexist view. Some random recently asked me what my husband does for work and when I told him he said ‘oh, you’ve done well for yourself haven’t you’ and gave me a knowing look. I was gobsmacked! I wish I’d corrected him and said that I’m more highly qualified and better paid than my husband, rather than just laughing it off!

lilmisstoldyouso Fri 14-Feb-20 14:38:25

Of course she has done well. It's a business deal isn't it.

She knows he will eventually cheat on her. She knows when they divorce she will get half of everything. She knows that all she has to do to set herself up for life is be a bit of eye candy for a few years.

Better than working for a living isn't it?

Frownette Fri 14-Feb-20 14:38:58

The mother probably likes it because she gets taken out for meals and can brag about their car or whatever

BringOnTheBotox Fri 14-Feb-20 14:40:23

Oh yes, the mum always brags about their car, holidays, house, etc.

Her daughter had to sign a pre nup before getting married but the mum thinks the husband simply adores her daughter.

BarbaraofSeville Fri 14-Feb-20 14:40:26

She currently does two workouts every single day but her mum seems proud about this

Well that's hardly arduous given that she doesn't have a job, no DC and they probably have a cleaner/other household help. Plenty of people do that for fun, on days when work and childcare don't get in the way.

Joking aside, no marrying a rich older man is not necessarily 'doing well', gilded cage and all that and she's in an extremely vulnerable position given that he's probably put measures in place to stop her walking away with any meaningful financial compensation for her lack of career, pension etc, should they split up in future.

BarbaraofSeville Fri 14-Feb-20 14:40:55

Cross posted about the pre-nup.

Lllot5 Fri 14-Feb-20 14:41:19

Wish I’d married a rich man. Put up with it until I got traded in bit of money in the divorce.
Wouldn’t be doing care work for minimum wage now that’s for sure.

BigGreenBaskets Fri 14-Feb-20 14:42:23

Aren't pre nups not legally enforceable in the UK? So pointless anyway.

BringOnTheBotox Fri 14-Feb-20 14:42:31

She does have DC ; they are aged 4 and 2.

Poohpooh Fri 14-Feb-20 14:43:48

Whilst I agree in theory, the fact is that a rich spouse is a goal for many people so in that sense, based on her goals, she has done for herself.

So I voted YABU. I agree it's squicky though. Yesterday I saw a middle aged man meet a glamourous young woman at the airport and his behaviour towards her was very disconcerting, he was annoyed with her because her flight was late and walked a few paces in front of her.

Dozer Fri 14-Feb-20 14:45:46

Well, she’s materially comfortable, for now.

Had she not signed a pre nup andstayed married a long time then she’d be OK financially longer term too. But due to the pre nup and her H it sounds like she and her DC are at high risk of being much less comfortable in the future.

Doobigetta Fri 14-Feb-20 14:49:31

Very unpleasant and offensive, both to measure a man by his wealth and a woman by the wealth of her husband. I feel I’ve stepped back in time two centuries just typing that!

I’ve noticed quite a pattern recently of women I know who I’d consider to be upper middle class (private education, significant inheritances) being quite happy to jack in their careers the minute they had children and then putting enormous pressure on their husbands to earn enough to keep them in the lifestyle they think is theirs by right. It shocks and depresses me, tbh, that those attitudes still exist. I don’t remember ever being given the idea that marriage was an accomplishment or an acceptable route to success.

dottiedodah Fri 14-Feb-20 15:02:16

I think many people will think like this sadly! Although we are in the 21st century ,and have "embraced "feminism .Money still seems to be the barometer which people measure themselves against .Even people like Teachers or Nurses , seem to be looked down on by certain factions who view marrying a rich man as winning the jackpot ! What they dont see is that in 10 or 15 years time they will be replaced by another woman ,In the meantime they will have not furthered their career and will probably be expected to "stay slim" and be on a constant diet FFS!

damnthatanxiety Fri 14-Feb-20 15:05:32

BrieAndChilli it is quite possible that she won't be 'traded in' for a younger model as the husband is already 20 years older. So by the time she is in her 40s, he will be in his 60s and probably not wanting the hassle of a young woman.

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