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To not have to Be stressed on post natal ward?

(168 Posts)
ifeeltheneedtheneedforsleep Fri 14-Feb-20 00:27:30

I had my baby earlier in the week and after a very traumatic delivery he's in SCBU while I'm on the post natal ward (trying to recover from emergency surgery AND going back and forth to be with baby).
The staff have been amazing so this is in no way a criticism of them but it is a criticism of the idiot pen pusher who no doubt deemed it a good idea to implement a policy allowing partners or friends or family to stay over with mothers on the post natal ward!
The ward is full tonight and it's like a freaking zoo! Next to me I've got a woman who has her mother staying who repeatedly rings the midwife asking for food, pillows, water etc etc for her MOTHER because you know, she's travelled a long way! I've lost count of the amount of times they've bashed through my curtain and sent everything flying!
Opposite is a woman who at the moment has a partner and his male friend (who the midwife is trying to evict to their protests about it being too late at night for him to leave) - they are busy watching bollywood movies on an iPad at full volume and have their own picnic going on so it's non stop crinkle, rustle munch munch on top of their cackling, loud chatting and movie!! That's just two or the finer examples but the rest are having full on conversations at nearly half past midnight!

Is it too much to ask to recover on a ward where you don't feel like you're in party central, where you can actually speak to the midwife about bleeding or leaky boobs without having just a curtain between you and some randoms? Or even to be able to change without worrying that some idiot is going to pull your curtain back because they've barged it constantly? 😡

OrangeSlices998 Fri 14-Feb-20 00:31:19

Honestly someone will come along in a minute and tell you YABU because their partner being there is more important than the other women being able to rest and have privacy. For what it’s worth, I don’t think YABU. Security or someone should be there supporting midwives to keep the ward safe and comfortable for all.

HollowTalk Fri 14-Feb-20 00:34:50

His friend is there as well???? Can't the nurses call security? Why wasn't he thrown out earlier?

HollowTalk Fri 14-Feb-20 00:36:25

I'd email my MP, OP. And PALs. And the local newspapers.

ShakeTheDisease Fri 14-Feb-20 00:40:59

That's ridiculous. If anyone is allowed to stay (debatable) they should be told quiet conversations only and use headphones after visiting time, or they're out. Do everything @HollowTalk suggests but PALS first - ask to speak to them in the morning. Someone should come to the ward.

stophuggingme Fri 14-Feb-20 00:42:00

No YANBU
That is disgraceful behaviour. But someone will be trotting along to tell you that you are. 🙄
Staff aside, there should only be mothers and babies in a postnatal ward now.

SuddenArborealStop Fri 14-Feb-20 00:44:33

Jesus wept I'm having a hard time with just the other women and babies the staff operating at full volume no matter the hour and the windows that don't block any street noise, I'd have threatened to jump out the window on your ward

june2007 Fri 14-Feb-20 00:45:29

I hear you with my firat I was on the post natel wardD WITH Baby in scbu, after the first night and half way through the day they offered me the side ward, by which point I wasn,t so bothered. Second time I got a side ward. It,s tough.

Bluerussian Fri 14-Feb-20 00:50:30

Oh ifeeltheneed, it sounds like a nightmare. Hopefully you won't be in much longer and can go home for a rest. I also hope you will have some help at home for a while.

Many congratulations on your baby flowers.

LightDrizzle Fri 14-Feb-20 00:54:53

Complain to the midwives. Why the fuck aren’t people told headphones or mute? And quiet after 10 pm?
Not that anyone should need telling.
Babies crying and midwives assisting mums and babies can’t be helped. People playing any kind of media out loud, or conducting phone calls in speaker can be helped.

Notsure26 Fri 14-Feb-20 00:59:30

No one was allowed to stay on the ward when i had DD 4 years ago, not even partners. Its noisy enough without enough. Sounds awful

Namechangeforthegamechange Fri 14-Feb-20 00:59:53

I’ve got to be honest I couldn’t have coped after my emcs without hubby staying over but that’s a ridiculous amount of noise and people! Why can’t the new mums mother get her own bloody food! The hospital won’t provide for her! And the husbands friend needs to fuck off! It’s not a living room!! Complain... loudly!

PippaPug Fri 14-Feb-20 01:21:01

I totally understand that - it’s very frustrating, can’t believe one of them has a partner and a friend over, I really wouldn’t be happy with that!

I’m currently in the pre natal ward when partners are not allowed to stay and the woman who was next to me decided her partner must stay and he said he would go and hide somewhere 🤨 luckily he did leave but made a right fuss over it and when I appeared from my cubicle he asked me how many weeks I am as I don’t look like I’m carrying twins 🤨🤨 no privacy at all!

ChickLitLover Fri 14-Feb-20 01:31:22

I would have loved my partner to stay with me overnight to help, the midwives weren’t very helpful or kind. But obviously he wouldn’t have been watching loud films or asking the midwives for lots of things for himself. 🙄 They should be kicked out if they’re being loud. They should either be assisting the person they are there to support, looking after the baby or sitting quietly, nothing else.

I hope your baby is doing well and that you recover quickly. Congratulations on your little one.

managedmis Fri 14-Feb-20 01:40:04

When can you go home?

PyongyangKipperbang Fri 14-Feb-20 01:40:25

And this is what the snowflake generation has become....I WANT I NEED I DEMAND AND FUCK EVERYONE ELSE

In many respects, a woman birthing with her midwives (literal translation - With Woman) and then resting up being looked after is not some archaic idea but a Utopia that we had and threw away.

Itsagrandoldteam Fri 14-Feb-20 01:41:15

I was in the same position as you, but when I had my son they let the mothers with babies in SCBU stay in the private rooms.
I had heard in advance that there were a few private rooms, I even offered to pay, but I wasn't charged. You could ask if there are any private rooms available.

PyongyangKipperbang Fri 14-Feb-20 01:41:24

And why was it thrown away? Because what we wanted, and got, was not in fact what we needed.

OutComeTheWolves Fri 14-Feb-20 01:45:17

Yanbu the decision to allow partners to stay on wards to make up for decreased midwife to patient ratios was an epic clusterfuck. Post natal wards are a total nightmare!

ChickLitLover Fri 14-Feb-20 01:50:18

In many respects, a woman birthing with her midwives (literal translation - With Woman) and then resting up being looked after is not some archaic idea but a Utopia that we had and threw away.

I agree, but one problem is that the midwives don’t seem to have time to look after the women and provide enough support. I think this is one of the reasons why partners have been allowed to stay. In an ideal world there would be more staff but I don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon.

OutComeTheWolves Fri 14-Feb-20 01:53:03

@PyongyangKipperbang it has nothing to do with whatever 'generation snowflake' is hmm.

Lack of money in the nhs has meant the number of people staffing a ward isn't sufficient. To combat this some hospitals allow partners to stay over so they can help with smaller things - eg a mum who's just had a section wouldn't have to call for someone to lift her baby in and out of the cot or help her to the toilet because her partner could do it. In practice however it's led to overcrowded and noisy wards with partners who misunderstand their role. Meaning women are left stressed and exhausted when they're supposed to be recovering.

Commonwasher Fri 14-Feb-20 01:54:12

I’m amazed at partners and family staying over night?! Since when was that a thing?

You should have a side room if your baby is not next to you and contributing to the melee. I hope he/she is out of scbu soon and you can both go home.

ifeeltheneedtheneedforsleep Fri 14-Feb-20 01:56:40

Thanks for the support. I was genuinely questioning myself in terms of was it me missing my baby, in pain myself and being unreasonable as a result but I don't think I am. It's nearly 2am now and I'm still wide awake (the videos have been replaced by the bloke across the ward snoring like a steam train, not even starting on the farting, and the woman and her mother having non stop conversations as though it was the middle of the afternoon). Totally fine with hearing the babies cry or the midwives doing checks, you expect that on a post natal ward but the rest is out of order to my mind. If you pay for a private room have who you like stay but I don't think the majority should have to suffer for the minority.

I'm part terrified of them discharging me before my baby is discharged and part desperate to go home just so I can at least sleep and come in and be fresh and alert for him the next day.

ifeeltheneedtheneedforsleep Fri 14-Feb-20 01:59:26

@chicklitlover unfortunately that's not happening though, the majority in here are doing sweet fa to support their partners and the midwives are still having to either remind the women that's what their partners/mothers are supposedly there for or running around after them anyway

cuparfull Fri 14-Feb-20 01:59:59

Bloody hell I feel for you! The days are seemingly gone when ward managers can turf everyone out after visiting hours. All respect seems to have gone in society and it's everyone for themselves never mind anyone else.
I recall my midwifery days at the QE in Brum, when we cleared the ward so that our ladies could get a good rest. After all it's post natal and they are there for good reason, rest, recovery and observation.
Say you're frightened by the commotion and ask to be moved. The stress isn't going to help lactation and your little ones going to need you. Good luck.

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