Re dropping BIL off at work

[twelveminutespast]

Not sure if I'm being U here so I'm hoping for some opinions here.

Me and DH work on the same road. However it's a very long road and goes on for a few miles iyswim.

Before Christmas, BIL got a job on the same road, it's in the middle of mine and DH work place. DH one morning suddenly said to me BIL is going to get in with us, can you drop him off at work on the way.

I was miffed about this, as there are two ways to get to DH work. 1st way is very busy and have to go past numerous schools. I actively avoided going that way in the morning because it's an absolutely nightmare. However this is the only way we can go to get to BILs workplace. The other way we used to go took much less time, I could drop DH off and go back down the same route and still get to work on time.

I'm getting stressed every morning because the traffic is so horrendous going the first way in order to drop BIL off. He contributes nothing to petrol costs either. And I'm often late dropping my DS off at childcare before I start work.

I don't know how to approach this situation. aibu here?

[BoredOfTheBoard]

If your DH wants BIL dropped off.at.work. then surely it's up to him to do it, make himself late, negotiate the busy traffic etc

[44PumpLane]

Surely you just say to your husband that hell have to tell BIL the arrangement isn't working due to the reasons above and say he's got x days to sort alternate transport.

[Shoxfordian]

Tell bil that you can't give him a lift anymore because it's making you late for work

[fruitbrewhaha]

It's hard to understand the geography, do you not have to go passed BIL workplace in order to get from DH's to yours? Or do you go a back route? CAn you drop BIL off somewhere on the way around the back?

[EuroMillionsWinner]

What? Nope. You're late for work. You can get sacked for that. You tell BIL no more lifts as it's endangering your job. If your h wants to take him he can manage it. He doesn't get to dictate to you. The end.

[twelveminutespast]

@fruitbrewhaha sorry it is confusing and hard to explain. Usually go a back route and come out at the top of the road where DH work is. I then go down the back route, drop DS off at childcare and can get to my work through the side streets where there is much less traffic than going the other route past BILs work

[Gizlotsmum]

Could bil walk from where you drop DH?

[RaaRaaeee]

How long is the road? Is there a way you can compromise? For example, tell him you can only drop him somewhere that’s convenient for your commute and he has to walk the rest of the way?

[Soffy]

Get DH to drop you to work first leaving him to drop your child to childcare and BIL off?

[Wanteddownunder]

Tell him he can get out at your work and walk the rest of the way. Doing someone else a favour shouldn’t have a negative impact on your own situation

[FraglesRock]

Dear bil
We've been happy to help dropping you off but it's become unworkable. I need to go back to my usual route, so it'd mean you getting out with dh, or walking up from my work at x o'clock. Let me know which works for you. (Obviously then same applies at home time. )

[VettiyaIruken]

Yanbu.

You need to be honest.

This is making my journey a pain. It is tiring plus it's making me late. It has to stop.

[Chamomileteaplease]

Yes, either make him get out with DH and walk. Or leave earlier?

[twelveminutespast]

DH can't drive so I'm responsible for getting everyone to where they need to be on time. The road is long (a few miles). I work at one end and DH the other but BIL in the middle.

It would take BIL about 15/20 minutes to walk from DH work to his own work. Much longer from mine which is at the very bottom

[twelveminutespast]

@Chamomileteaplease We leave as early as possible but the road in general is just a nightmare in the morning

[Coldilox]

So he walks for 15-20 minutes. Either that or he finds another way to get to work

[DeRigueurMortis]

So in brief, your DH has offered his brother a lift to work that has no impact on him whatsoever.

You BIL has accepted a lift to work that actively benefits him by costing nothing given he doesn't even contribute to petrol costs.

You have not been consulted at all about this arrangement yet are spending additional time and money (by driving a less efficient route) resulting in you being late/stressed for work.

How do you raise it?

Simply point the above out to your husband and him with the fallout with his brother.

It's not your job to subsidise his brother at your expense (time and cost) especially not even having been consulted about it and he might want to think about that the next time he offers a "favour" that he's "outsourcing" to his wife.

[DingDongDenny]

15mins is nothing - he walks!

[Smelborp]

Getting him to walk from DH’s workplace sounds a good idea from people above. If he doesn’t like that, then he can sort his own arrangements. It needs to end though as it’s making you late which is an excellent reason.

[DeRigueurMortis]

Sorry just to add given the update, he can walk from DH's drop off (a15 min walk won't kill him - think how many parents do similar on the school run with young children every day) or make his own arrangements entirely.

[SallyLovesCheese]

BIL should be walking. 15-20 minutes is fine, if he's fit and able to walk it. Tell your DH to explain to BIL where he's being dropped and the back route you'll take to your work. He can choose to be dropped off with your DH or get out with you.

Being late to work is a very good reason why this isn't working. BIL can't argue with that (although I'm sure some people would try!).

[Howyiz]

How does he get home?

[PaquitaVariation]

Could you drop him somewhere on the back route which is closer to where he works? If you’re doing all the driving it’s not really your problem to solve though and I would be telling him it’s not working.

[mrsm43s]

Just leave earlier. I can't see how you are leaving as early as possible, you can always get up and leave a bit earlier. Ask BIL to contribute towards petrol costs.

[pinkyredrose]

Did your DH volunteer your services without asking you? Why in earth did you start driving the busy way in the first place? Have you actually asked Bil for petrol money? How did Bil intend to get to work anyway?

Honestly this world would run a lot more smoothly if people just said what they meant, stood up for themselves and communicated clearly. This situation could've been dealt with at the time.