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Re dropping BIL off at work

(477 Posts)
twelveminutespast Wed 12-Feb-20 18:45:57

Not sure if I'm being U here so I'm hoping for some opinions here.

Me and DH work on the same road. However it's a very long road and goes on for a few miles iyswim.

Before Christmas, BIL got a job on the same road, it's in the middle of mine and DH work place. DH one morning suddenly said to me BIL is going to get in with us, can you drop him off at work on the way.

I was miffed about this, as there are two ways to get to DH work. 1st way is very busy and have to go past numerous schools. I actively avoided going that way in the morning because it's an absolutely nightmare. However this is the only way we can go to get to BILs workplace. The other way we used to go took much less time, I could drop DH off and go back down the same route and still get to work on time.

I'm getting stressed every morning because the traffic is so horrendous going the first way in order to drop BIL off. He contributes nothing to petrol costs either. And I'm often late dropping my DS off at childcare before I start work.

I don't know how to approach this situation. aibu here?

BoredOfTheBoard Wed 12-Feb-20 18:49:34

If your DH wants BIL dropped then surely it's up to him to do it, make himself late, negotiate the busy traffic etc

44PumpLane Wed 12-Feb-20 18:50:52

Surely you just say to your husband that hell have to tell BIL the arrangement isn't working due to the reasons above and say he's got x days to sort alternate transport.

Shoxfordian Wed 12-Feb-20 18:51:13

Tell bil that you can't give him a lift anymore because it's making you late for work

fruitbrewhaha Wed 12-Feb-20 18:56:22

It's hard to understand the geography, do you not have to go passed BIL workplace in order to get from DH's to yours? Or do you go a back route? CAn you drop BIL off somewhere on the way around the back?

EuroMillionsWinner Wed 12-Feb-20 18:56:27

What? Nope. You're late for work. You can get sacked for that. You tell BIL no more lifts as it's endangering your job. If your h wants to take him he can manage it. He doesn't get to dictate to you. The end.

twelveminutespast Wed 12-Feb-20 18:58:43

@fruitbrewhaha sorry it is confusing and hard to explain. Usually go a back route and come out at the top of the road where DH work is. I then go down the back route, drop DS off at childcare and can get to my work through the side streets where there is much less traffic than going the other route past BILs work

Gizlotsmum Wed 12-Feb-20 19:01:04

Could bil walk from where you drop DH?

RaaRaaeee Wed 12-Feb-20 19:01:16

How long is the road? Is there a way you can compromise? For example, tell him you can only drop him somewhere that’s convenient for your commute and he has to walk the rest of the way?

Soffy Wed 12-Feb-20 19:01:30

Get DH to drop you to work first leaving him to drop your child to childcare and BIL off?

Wanteddownunder Wed 12-Feb-20 19:02:20

Tell him he can get out at your work and walk the rest of the way. Doing someone else a favour shouldn’t have a negative impact on your own situation

FraglesRock Wed 12-Feb-20 19:04:36

Dear bil
We've been happy to help dropping you off but it's become unworkable. I need to go back to my usual route, so it'd mean you getting out with dh, or walking up from my work at x o'clock. Let me know which works for you. (Obviously then same applies at home time. )

VettiyaIruken Wed 12-Feb-20 19:05:29


You need to be honest.

This is making my journey a pain. It is tiring plus it's making me late. It has to stop.

Chamomileteaplease Wed 12-Feb-20 19:06:15

Yes, either make him get out with DH and walk. Or leave earlier?

twelveminutespast Wed 12-Feb-20 19:06:53

DH can't drive so I'm responsible for getting everyone to where they need to be on time. The road is long (a few miles). I work at one end and DH the other but BIL in the middle.

It would take BIL about 15/20 minutes to walk from DH work to his own work. Much longer from mine which is at the very bottom

twelveminutespast Wed 12-Feb-20 19:07:42

@Chamomileteaplease We leave as early as possible but the road in general is just a nightmare in the morning sad

Coldilox Wed 12-Feb-20 19:07:58

So he walks for 15-20 minutes. Either that or he finds another way to get to work

DeRigueurMortis Wed 12-Feb-20 19:08:00

So in brief, your DH has offered his brother a lift to work that has no impact on him whatsoever.

You BIL has accepted a lift to work that actively benefits him by costing nothing given he doesn't even contribute to petrol costs.

You have not been consulted at all about this arrangement yet are spending additional time and money (by driving a less efficient route) resulting in you being late/stressed for work.

How do you raise it?

Simply point the above out to your husband and him with the fallout with his brother.

It's not your job to subsidise his brother at your expense (time and cost) especially not even having been consulted about it and he might want to think about that the next time he offers a "favour" that he's "outsourcing" to his wife.

DingDongDenny Wed 12-Feb-20 19:10:12

15mins is nothing - he walks!

Smelborp Wed 12-Feb-20 19:11:13

Getting him to walk from DH’s workplace sounds a good idea from people above. If he doesn’t like that, then he can sort his own arrangements. It needs to end though as it’s making you late which is an excellent reason.

DeRigueurMortis Wed 12-Feb-20 19:11:24

Sorry just to add given the update, he can walk from DH's drop off (a15 min walk won't kill him - think how many parents do similar on the school run with young children every day) or make his own arrangements entirely.

SallyLovesCheese Wed 12-Feb-20 19:12:46

BIL should be walking. 15-20 minutes is fine, if he's fit and able to walk it. Tell your DH to explain to BIL where he's being dropped and the back route you'll take to your work. He can choose to be dropped off with your DH or get out with you.

Being late to work is a very good reason why this isn't working. BIL can't argue with that (although I'm sure some people would try!).

Howyiz Wed 12-Feb-20 19:13:26

How does he get home?

PaquitaVariation Wed 12-Feb-20 19:13:41

Could you drop him somewhere on the back route which is closer to where he works? If you’re doing all the driving it’s not really your problem to solve though and I would be telling him it’s not working.

mrsm43s Wed 12-Feb-20 19:14:37

Just leave earlier. I can't see how you are leaving as early as possible, you can always get up and leave a bit earlier. Ask BIL to contribute towards petrol costs.

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