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To be suspicious when Dh tells me when his credit card statement comes I am not to look at it?

(71 Posts)
suspiciousminds Mon 03-Sep-07 11:29:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worzsel Mon 03-Sep-07 11:30:17

i'd open it anyway..YANBU !

NAB3 Mon 03-Sep-07 11:30:41

Has he bought you a present? <hopeful emoticon>

fortyplus Mon 03-Sep-07 11:31:06

I don't like secrets - except nice ones! I would be deeply suspicious I'm afraid.

Baffy Mon 03-Sep-07 11:31:32

Well if he opens all your mail then surely in an equal relationship you can then open his?

If I were you I'd open it anyway tbh.

Probably not constructive advice - but if he shouts at you to not open things then something is clearly not right.

Trust your instincts.

MrsCarrot Mon 03-Sep-07 11:32:47

Sounds very odd and almost like he wants you to tbh.

lulumama Mon 03-Sep-07 11:33:02

there are two reasons he doesn;t want you to open it:

1) he has bought you a fab present and doesn;t want you to know..but based on your OP, that is really unlikely


2) he is spending like a demon, and cannot pay his bills, and does not want you to know

if he opens your mail,then you should be allowed to open his. sounds like he wants the upper hand

i;d open it and find out what on earth he is trying to hide from you

duchesse Mon 03-Sep-07 11:33:31

Probably has been buying access to online porn sites, I'd imagine.

LoveMyGirls Mon 03-Sep-07 11:33:34

Id open it too, what's he gonna do about it once its open? If he moans, say well if you had asked nicely i would have been less inclined to open it but being shouted orders at makes me think something is going on and after 15yrs together i have every right to look at your mail after all we are married and whats yours is mine including your mail.

Hassled Mon 03-Sep-07 11:33:39

YANBU. I would have an absolute fit if my DH opened my mail and I never open his - but in this instance I would go out of my way to open that credit card bill. Steam it open so you have a slight chance of concealing what you've done. But whether there's something dodgy on it or not, he shouldn't be opening your mail - just because you're married, you haven't morphed into one person - you're allowed your own post, FFS.

Spandex Mon 03-Sep-07 11:34:04

He sounds like a real diamond, this one. He's never even bought you a birthday card?

He's up to something. Could be something good? But his past behaviour doesn't really act as a positive precedent, does it?

Open the statement.

suspiciousminds Mon 03-Sep-07 11:34:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duchesse Mon 03-Sep-07 11:35:03

Also I'm afraid to say that you sound as though you are stuck in an abusive relationship with him. There is no earthly reason why he should be allowed to open yours, but not you his. He sounds very controlling and overly possessive. Be careful.

HorseyWoman Mon 03-Sep-07 11:35:39

How bizarre. I initially thought 'he's bought her a present', cause that is what my husband does, but we have joint cards and I never really take any notice of statements because he deals with paperwork. I will look at bank balances and he will tell me what I have spent this month etc. We do look at each other's mail but none of us have anything to hide. If he had something to hide would he really broadcast the fact he doesn't want you to look at the statement, especially if you have never done it before?

If he is seeing someone else and that is why he doesn't want you to see them, he's being bloody stupid and foolish. What he is theoretically doing is very wrong, but it won't go unmissed now, will it?

On another note, him shouting at you and infringing your privacy in this way, when you are not allowed/wouldn't think of infringing his in the same way, is abuse. He has no right to open mail addressed to you unless you both have an agreement that mail is viewed by you both.

HorseyWoman Mon 03-Sep-07 11:36:49

Or going out for meals/hotel stays with someone else.

HorseyWoman Mon 03-Sep-07 11:38:42

He could be gambling.

I think you probably need to see this statement one way or another if a present for you doesn't surface in the next few days.

suspiciousminds Mon 03-Sep-07 11:39:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duchesse Mon 03-Sep-07 11:40:01

Good point, Horsey- about the gambling. He may actually not know how to deal with the situation. I would open it and find out, personally. Better the devil you know etc...

HorseyWoman Mon 03-Sep-07 11:41:27

That sounds very sad, but if he has always been like that then I wouldn't think it was cause for concern, although a little unusual. It affects us all differently: I had very little as a child, but I make up for it now!

I think the lack of cards and presents in the past is only significant because it suggests that that is probably not why he is hiding the statement from you.

HorseyWoman Mon 03-Sep-07 11:42:00

Also, he won't know if you look at it online... No one will know which computer it was accessed from.

suspiciousminds Mon 03-Sep-07 11:44:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMuppetMuggle Mon 03-Sep-07 11:44:31

Sounds strange to me.

Why do you let him open your mail if your not allowed to open his??
My DP and i would never dream of opening each others mail, unless something to do with DD!

suspiciousminds Mon 03-Sep-07 11:46:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LazyLinePainterJane Mon 03-Sep-07 11:48:36

If you are suspicious, you could hide the statement when it arrives. Tell him it didn't arrive if he asks and keep it to one side. If no super present is forthcoming in the next week or so, open it.

This way, you don't spoil a potential surprise.

TheMuppetMuggle Mon 03-Sep-07 11:49:09

SM - shock i'd have a right fit if that was me! It works both ways, if he's hiding something seems strange that he made a point of you not opening the statement, surely you'd keep it quiet esp if he opens all mail anyway??

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