To expect DP not to shout, yell and swear in front of our 6 week old baby?

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

DP has limited patience at the best of times, and I know he's frustrated with a number of things at the moment. But today when we had the LO in the car and the dogs in the boot, HIS dog started barking as he tends to when he's excited (we were going to the woods for a walk) and DP starts yelling and screaming over the baby's head at the "fing dog" to "shut the f up". When I told him to cut it out he told me to "f* off and act [my] age" - eh?!

OK, so it's a wee while before LO is picking up swearwords from his dad, but I don't want my child growing up thinking it's normal for grown men to bawl and swear. Apart from that, he just looks like a plank when he yells at the dog because the dog doesn't give a toss.

[bohemianbint]

Oh, I had this argument yesterday. DP seems to think it is acceptable to take offence over nothing and to argue and shout in front of DS (12 months). I told him I wouldn't discuss it in front of DS so he argues to himself with no input from me at all.

Finished up with me putting DS and our stuff in the car and walking out for the day, and telling him if he persists in shouting at me in front of our son we will leave. Might sound a bit extreme but I'm not having DS exposed to that crap.

Sorry, have digressed a bit, but as far as I'm concerned, no, YANBU.

Hope you can get him to sort it out!

[NAB3]

YANBU

Your baby won't understand the words but it won't be long before he understands the tone and could you be sure your DP would stop acting like this when your child can understand?

[Dottydot]

I agree it's not nice for anyone to hear that kind of language, but if you've got a 6 week old baby you must both be shattered and tempers frayed... Does he normally swear like a trooper or is it just at the moment - if it is I'd not worry about it and wait until you're both getting some decent sleep and feel more human.

[BreeVanDerCampLGJ]

YANBU

But I have to admit, I gave a little chuckle at your comment, because the dog doesn't give a toss.

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

We both use absolutely foul language regularly but I certainly wouldn't swear in front of a child that was old enough to understand and I would NEVER shout in front of my LO. I hated my parents shouting when I was little, I want to make sure my child doesn't have to hear that. (My parents are still reasonably happily married but it wasn't nice ... [shrug emoticon]}

It's just the total lack of patience and the yelling - I'm sure a lot of it is circumstantial but I'm annoyed that he doesn't see anything wrong with it "because the baby doesn't understand". OK, so he doesn't know what swearing is but I'm damn sure any baby knows that shouting's unpleasant.

[CorrieDale]

I think you're right there. My DD is only 8 weeks, but I yelled to DS this morning to stop him in his tracks, and she really jerked, and then her bottom lip went out. DS, like the dog, didn't give a toss.

[tribpot]

A possibly salutory tale.

My dniece was taken into care when 5 months old, (she is adopted, was taken from the birth parents). SS don't think she was physically abused but definitely neglected and subjected to repeated violent arguments between her parents. Now, this is an extreme example but she has always been terrified of loud noises, like you can't have balloons near her in case they pop.

Maybe she would have been like this anyway, and god knows, I'm no saint about not shouting near ds, but you really have to try to keep your patience (or dp does anyway) when you can. It does affect them, even at such a young age.

[tribpot]

Btw, am not in any way attempting to suggest that what your dp did was like what happened to my dniece, just that he's wrong to dismiss it on the grounds your ds can't understand.

[Caroline1852]

There was a short film clip link doing the rounds the other day, showing how children copy the behaviour they see. Perhasp someone will link it for you.
YANBU

[bohemianbint]

I hada bit of a search but can't find film clip. Does anyone know any keywords so I could look for it?

[handlemecarefully]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/67/380604?stamp=070901212742 here

[bohemianbint]

cheers!

[SleeplessInTheStaceym11House]

OMG! brings it all down to reality doesnt it!

[ConnorTraceptive]

the shouting and yelling would upset me alot.

TBH dh used to swear in front of ds all the time and he used to also say "he's to young to understand" this used to really wind me up but to be fair to dh he now never swears in front of ds who is 2 and in fact it's me who has more slip ups

apart from the time dh called the cat a bitch and ds spent the next two days doing the same

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

Thanks - have emailed it to him under the guise of something I just randomly came across [innocent emoticon]

[Meglet]

I've been having the same problem too. DS is now 9 months and DP seems to be getting a bit better.

I told my DP that HE will be in trouble if our DS uses words like that in from of his Grandma.

[BrownSuga]

i fell off the couch laughing at your last sentence

"Apart from that, he just looks like a plank when he yells at the dog because the dog doesn't give a toss"

my dh does the same thing, or gets very frustrated with lo when he's crying, and says constructive things like "oh what NOW!", as if a 3mth old can actually tell him.

[Hulababy]

YANBU. And I actually think your DP is being unreasonable to swear at you, let alone in front of the baby, for asking him this reasonable request. No way would I put up with Dh speaking to me like that.

[DoubleLife]

How bizzare.
I was about to start exactly the same thread.

My dd is 13 weeks and my dp thinks it's ok to shout, swear and slam the doors in front of her. I think it's disgusting and begin to hate him because of this. I'm actually thinking of leaving this w...er because of his behaviour.

So YANBU