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Lost a loved job for incompetence. Your confidence recovery tips

(56 Posts)
31133004Taff Fri 31-Jan-20 21:26:42

Just that. Worked hard to make it work but wasn’t up to it and consequently working relationship with line manager broken. My confidence is crushed.

How do people survive this. I know it’s not going to be a happy ending. If I couldn’t hold onto this job, then I’m pretty incompetent.

Informed today capability process triggered in month 6 of probationary period. Third role in company and successfully completed previous probationary periods. This is really bad luck and unfair but nothing will encourage me to work a minute more for this person. The grievances are historic and I believed I was resolving problems but today’s information came out of no where.

Dogsaresomucheasier Fri 31-Jan-20 21:29:41

1) are you in a union? Ask for support.
2) look for another job
3) Tell someone who will support and encourage you and remind you of your strengths.

Hercwasonaroll Fri 31-Jan-20 21:33:12

Get union advice if you are in one. If not speak to ACAS.

Your post is a bit jumbled, have you had three probationary periods at the same place?

Go and apply for other jobs asap to keep yourself afloat financially.

Onceuponatimethen Fri 31-Jan-20 21:33:28

Op I’m not clear whether you actually think you were incompetent. It sounds like there might be great areas here flowers

In my experience many corporates have a culture of deeming people rubbish for no good reason. I have worked with at least four people like this who were pushed out or demeaned and who have gone on to be very successful in other roles at other employers. I’m sure you are very good at many things - try to hold on to that knowledge.

My op used a career coach which really helped him

Onceuponatimethen Fri 31-Jan-20 21:33:59

Oh not op did career coaching - sorry to be confusing

Onceuponatimethen Fri 31-Jan-20 21:34:35

Oh god and I meant grey areas not great areas - so sorry op

RedIsWhereItsAt Fri 31-Jan-20 21:34:39

The grievances are historic and I believed I was resolving problems but today’s information came out of no where.

What does this mean?

Is the problem the relationship with your manager or your abilities?

zurala Fri 31-Jan-20 21:41:06

I was sacked once. It was awful. Shook my confidence. But a month later I was working Freeland so in demand it turned out to have been a positive thing. Give yourself a month to lick your wounds. I had some life coaching to boost my confidence. It really isn't the end of the world although I know it feels like it now.

31133004Taff Fri 31-Jan-20 21:50:29

Sorry. To be clear.

Worked for the company for a month short of two years. This is my third role. When you change roles/job description, the probationary process begins afresh.

Life coaching sounds a good idea. As well as giving myself some down time to recover. I have savings so able to walk away before I get ‘hurt’.

31133004Taff Fri 31-Jan-20 21:56:08

‘Personality clash or incompetence’

Both, each feeding the other.

Bibijayne Fri 31-Jan-20 21:57:48

Don't leave before the two years. Seriously.

Al1Langdownthecleghole Fri 31-Jan-20 22:03:36

Regardless of the company's policies on probation, my understanding is that employment law says you can't be summarily dismissed after 2 years.

Get to your two years.

AnyOldSpartabix Fri 31-Jan-20 22:10:49

Bad managers are the pits. It’s probably them not you and in the long run, you’ll be better somewhere else. Sorry you’ve been treated so badly though. Specially when you’ve done fine in the other sections.

Serin Fri 31-Jan-20 22:10:59

Nobody is incompetent.
You are just not in the right role for you.
You will excel at other things or in other companies that have different approaches to supporting people.
One of my family was constantly criticised in a retail role but is loving teaching.
Good luck OP. flowers

NickMyLipple Fri 31-Jan-20 22:17:18

This sounds very familiar to me, OP.

I had passed my probation under line manager A and had worked in my job for over a year. Line manager B comes along who is a total bastard and he pushes me out, making me feel completely incompetent. I didn't go down formal capability processes as the company have zero evidence on me - I got advice for my union who suggested I come up with a settlement agreement with the organisation who agreed.

I walked out with my head held high. My confidence is totally battered now and I don't feel like I'm capable of anything, but it will improve with time, I'm sure.

Good luck, and don't let them bully you!

Needallthesleep Fri 31-Jan-20 22:22:14

I think most people have been fired, or jumped before they were pushed. I know I have. It’s only one tiny part of a long career with lots of successes. Make a list of everything you are proud of that you have achieved, no matter how small. Make a daily log of three things you are proud of that day, starting now. And definitely don’t leave before 2 years.

44PumpLane Fri 31-Jan-20 22:25:05

Last organisation I worked for I had glowing reviews from all who came across me.

Went off on maternity and when I came back I had a new manager who had no time for me, clearly wanted to keep the team of people he had brought in to the org so I was pushed out and felt crushed. Absolutely devastated to feel like I was being told I was shit when it wasn't something I was ever used to.

Got a new role very rapidly and am once again appreciated for my contributions and receiving positive feedback.

Sometimes people will have their own agenda and it won't be personal but it will certainly feel that way to you, also sometimes people are just dicks. And sometimes a personality clash may leave you feeling like you don't want to give your best so you don't.

Wait out your 2 years and see if you can move within the company again. If not look for something else but don't lose heart!

Sparklesocks Fri 31-Jan-20 22:27:33

I’m sorry OP. Try to reframe it in your mind if you can, you’re not incompetent - it’s just this job wasn’t right for you. You’ve been fine in other roles and you’ll be fine again. It’s unfortunate but try to think of it as a blip, rather than a blue print.

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead Fri 31-Jan-20 22:33:38

Probation at an organisation doesn't work like that Op - hang in there for the 2 year mark and they can't easily get rid of you. If the relay is totally broken, then go down the settlement route but don't let them walk over you. Call ACAS if you're not in a union.

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead Fri 31-Jan-20 22:34:04

Relationship not relay!

UniversalAunt Fri 31-Jan-20 22:41:44

Are you on a graduate entry scheme, hence the 6 month rotation in varying posts?

If the capability process has been started, please do not panic. All is not yet lost. Are the grounds given for the process starting reasonable &/or fair? Have you been given coaching to improve your performance?

Join the union &/or give ACAS a ring.
Make sure you get hold of all the information about the capability process on the company intranet before you ring ACAS, so that you can brief the specialist call agent when you ring.

As difficult as the relationship with the line manager may be, make sure that you follow the process & any actions agreed in meetings to the letter. Please do not just fold & go, you will learn from this episode. Think of it as a module in career management 😉

Grit your teeth to get past the two year deadline, as you will then have greater employment rights which will stand you in better stead for when you choose to leave & what are the best terms for you.

Consider asking your previous assignment managers when you passed the probationary periods for feedback & maybe some mentoring - do not slag your line manager off as that will smell bad & they’ll back off.

If matters do not improve, then don’t outstay your welcome past the two years - prepare to leave, but on your terms & into a new role of your choosing.

Fr0g Fri 31-Jan-20 22:43:27

ouch - month short of two years - I wonder if that played a part in their decision?
If you have successfully completed two other roles in the organisation, then you're clearly not incompetent - could be a personality clash with new boss, or just not the right job fit for you with this particular role - but you've clearly been successful in the other roles.

Similar thing happened to me about eighteen months ago, totally out of the blue; fortunately I had the resources to not worry about going back to work straight away. I did negotiate some money for career counselling from them.
I took advantage of a local charity that offers low cost 1:1 counselling, free career counselling (Shaw Trust initially, then local council, same person) , and a brilliant (free) program offered by Quaker Social action that combined six group sessions of mindfulness and three life coaching sessions; I'm not certain whether that's national or local.

Long slog, but started work after about ten months, had the confidence to decide I didn't want to work for a Chief Exec that didn't treat me or other senior staff with respect, resigned and started another job straight away that I'm (mostly) enjoying, although I still lack confidence about things I'd have breezed through without a second thought a few years ago.

Don't expect to bounce back immediately, but do look around to see what free and low cost support is available near you and you will get there - good luck.
Oh, and my confidence was massively boosted when the C. Exec was asked to leave!

Frazzled Cafe may be useful too, if there is one near you.

aroundtheworldyet Fri 31-Jan-20 22:44:47

Go to a solicitor ASAP
And your trade union

Iamthewombat Fri 31-Jan-20 23:12:01

Nobody is incompetent.

Well, you know, some people are. The OP may or may not be. I’ve worked with many incompetent people during my career. I’m not a clinician, but you’ll find plenty of news stories about incompetent medics harming people because they multiplied a dose of a drug by ten, or a hundred.

You are just not in the right role for you. You will excel at other things or in other companies that have different approaches to supporting people.

Again, the OP may not excel in another role. It’s not realistic to claim that excelling in a paid job is a matter of working for a business that ‘has different approaches to supporting people’.

Jobs are paid for a reason: you supply your employer with services. It’s not up to the employer to coax competence and skill out of its employees, where it doesn’t already exist, by thinking of different approaches to supporting them. The employer has a right to expect a certain level of skill and competence in exchange for paying salary.

None of the touchy feely ‘your employer needs to support you better’ stuff helps the OP. She’s been through a probationary period and she’s been told that she hasn’t hit the mark. She needs to find out, immediately, where she has fallen short and then she needs to either address the shortfall in skills or consider a different career. That will stand her in better stead for her future career than telling her that none of this is her fault, or that her manager has it in for her and that she should complain to the union.

Interestedwoman Fri 31-Jan-20 23:14:42

Sorry to hear that. Years ago, I had to give up on a long-desired career. I just couldn't handle it. It was very hard, so I understand. xxx

Maybe it'd help if you wrote down/thought of all the stress and grief the situation's bought you (sounds like there's been a lot.)

How's your sleep?
Do you feel panicky?
Can you relax in the evenings/weekends?
How do you feel when you have to go in?
Write down all the bollox you've had to put up with, and all the stuff they've expected you to do.
What've you had to miss out on/would they expect you to miss out on if you were the robot they wanted?
Are there parts of your personality/ideal life balance that are at odds with this role?
Etc, etc, everything bad about the situation.

Being out of the role means being free of all that. x

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