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to be pissed off with this everyday sexism

(204 Posts)
EmJay19 Mon 27-Jan-20 21:21:50

So my MIL (and other family members) send cards
‘To Mr & Mrs J Bloggs’ for example, even though my initial isn’t J. What’s the sense in this? Wondering if she would do this if she had a daughter.
What are your everyday sexism bugbears?

Wheresthebiffer2 Mon 27-Jan-20 21:24:02

my MIL sends me a card for my birthday, addressed to Mrs J Blogggs.
I hate it with a passion, but accept it is just a generation thing (she is 78).

AnxietyDream Mon 27-Jan-20 21:29:56

It's the old fashioned way of addressing, so I imagine she'd also do it with a daughter.

It's horrible, obviously, but not something they've invented for you personally.

RandomUsernameHere Mon 27-Jan-20 21:31:07

My DC's school does this too, I hate it. I've already left feedback about it, which they ignored.

Wearywithteens Mon 27-Jan-20 21:31:42

This will die out - it’s old fashioned formal writing by old fashioned formal woman who grew up in the 50s. Nobody is taught it these days. In the scope of what’s happening to women’s rights this is not a big deal.

CameFromAway Mon 27-Jan-20 21:32:40

Drives me frigging mental

NaviSprite Mon 27-Jan-20 21:33:17

I think it’s more about how they learnt to write and address letters and whilst it may have a misogynistic basis it’s not really a thought out act of misogyny by most people of that generation tbh.

I personally get annoyed that my FIL comes to visit every Saturday and when he and DH go outside for him to smoke (FIL that is) he always states “time for boys club, no women or girls allowed” as a bad attempt at humour - he directs it at me and DD and then adds that DS can join them when he’s older. I bite my tongue because I know he’s not actually trying to ban me from going outside, but it winds me up no end!

nocoolnamesleft Mon 27-Jan-20 21:34:31

My septuagenarian mother certainly thinks it's incredibly old fashioned and sexist. Still, she was young in the 60s...

PearlsPerils Mon 27-Jan-20 21:44:31

My septuagenarian mother certainly thinks it's incredibly old fashioned and sexist. Still, she was young in the 60s...

Exactly, mine too. She would never call me or anyone else ‘Mrs DH name’, and was firmly a Ms when she got divorced. There aren’t many people left for whom being older is an excuse for this type of thing.

Brokenlightfitting Mon 27-Jan-20 21:44:55

That is the correct etiquette, they are being polite.

PearlsPerils Mon 27-Jan-20 21:47:07

That is the correct etiquette

According to whom?
It’s not polite to call people things they don’t want to be called!

cardibach Mon 27-Jan-20 21:48:52

I don’t know about that Pearls. I’m 55 and it’s the way I was taught. I can’t get too worked up about it either to be honest.

Eemamc Mon 27-Jan-20 21:50:19

My mother used to do this when sending things to us, until I had a word, she’s stopped now, but lots of older family members still do this and it really annoys me. My husband knows this so sometimes adds his initial onto cards addressed to us as a little joke

Thingsthatgo Mon 27-Jan-20 21:51:51

My MIL does this. Drives me potty. My mum wouldn’t dream of doing it now, despite having learnt it in the 50s.

newbingepisodes Mon 27-Jan-20 21:52:06

Yep my MIL makes a point of addressing things to Mr and Mrs x married surname. Even though I'm Dr maiden name!

FriedasCarLoad Mon 27-Jan-20 21:52:29

It's how I was taught and I'm still in my thirties (just grin). I try to remember not to do people whom I know dislike it, but I'm sure I sometimes just automatically revert to habit.

isabellerossignol Mon 27-Jan-20 21:55:15

I was always taught that this was the polite way to address things, and I'm only 44.

It always pissed me off being known as Mrs Someone else's initial, but I was always told not to be silly because it was a sign of respect.

Now I know that other people feel the same, I imagine it will die out. But I can't get worked up about older people doing it because it's very hard to undo a lifetime of being told that something is the correct way of doing things. I would be hmm if a twenty something was doing it though as I'd imagine it's done deliberately to irritate.

BackforGood Mon 27-Jan-20 21:55:53

it’s old fashioned formal writing by old fashioned formal woman who grew up in the 50s.

You are decades out. We didn't leave school until the 80s and that was absolutely the correct way to address a card / letter / invitation to a couple.
I suspect it only changed as e-mail came in and a lot of formal letter writing went out of fashion.

However, in terms of what’s happening in terms of inequality generally, and - more shockingly to my mind - the way that marketing has become so "pink" and "blue" in the last 15 years or so, this is really not a big deal.

isabellerossignol Mon 27-Jan-20 21:56:37

I was still doing it myself a couple of years ago because I thought it was rude not to. Even though I didn't like it myself. It's hard to overcome social conditioning.

PearlsPerils Mon 27-Jan-20 21:57:49

So many people here saying that’s how they were taught it.
By whom, I wonder? I certainly don’t remember being taught it at school.

SyntheticPumpkin Mon 27-Jan-20 21:59:01

Related to this, why is it always “Mr & Mrs” anyway, not “Mrs & Mr”?

isabellerossignol Mon 27-Jan-20 21:59:52

So many people here saying that’s how they were taught it.
By whom, I wonder? I certainly don’t remember being taught it at school.

At school and by my parents.

I was also taught at school to indent each line when writing an address. People don't generally do that any more and I imagine this will die out in the same way.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras Mon 27-Jan-20 21:59:54

That is the formal way of addressing letters though isn't it?

DappledThings Mon 27-Jan-20 22:00:22

I'm 40 and I do this. Mr and Mrs J Bloggs, but not Mrs J Bloggs on her own. Would do Mrs E Bloggs for that.

Only if the person has definitely had changed her own name. Otherwise would be Mr J Bloggs and Ms E Wilson. Never just Joe and Emma on an envelope though, I like the formality.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras Mon 27-Jan-20 22:03:58

What is the correct way of addressing an envelope to a married couple then?

I was always taught in school.that it's

Mr and Mrs Initial Surname

But should it be

Mr Initial Surname and Mrs Initial Surname

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