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Is my neighbour being unreasonable or am I?

(245 Posts)
Ladyrill5 Sun 26-Jan-20 22:56:13

Looking for some advice on the following:

I’ve lived in my property for four years and moved in when I was pregnant with my first child. Within a few days/weeks of moving in, a few neighbours complained about parking. Most of the issues were that they didn’t want us to park on the public street outside their houses as they did - ridiculous as any taxed car can park there but we had a specific issue with parking with our next door neighbours.

We live in an end terrace and have an allocated parking space outside our house. The parking space is shared with these neighbours but can comfortably park three cars. They have one car, we have another. When I was 6 months pregnant. Our neighbour came round and started shouting at me as someone was parked in her space and she couldn’t get out of her garage. It transpired that the car belonged to her other adjoining neighbour who were desperately trying to get their 90 odd year old mother from the front door to the car. She did shout at them but said she had unfinished business with me.

A day or two later, she came round to discuss her issues. She said that she found me to be incredibly rude as I’d assumed the middle space was shared between us (it is) but she doesn’t want anyone parking there. She acknowledged that the parking that day, in her space, had nothing to do with me but still thought we were taking liberties by letting guests park in the middle. I apologised as I hadn’t meant to cause upset and we agreed to share it.

Since then, they’ve complained that our joiner left dust in the cracks of the pavement after he’d swept up after himself and insisted my OH sprays down the pavement with water, which we have. They’ve complained about our surround sound TV - we’ve turned it right down. They’ve complained our shared fence post bends into their garden, we’ve tried to mend it. They’ve complained about music being played during the day (not loud) but we’ve switched it off immediately. We never make household noise between the hours of 9-7am. We try to be as considerate as possible but the one thing we can’t help are the noises our children are making. We have a 3 and a half year old daughter and a 6 month old son.

Last year, she complained that our daughter, then 2 screams a lot. I asked her to clarify and she said that this wasn’t crying or tantrum screams but excited screams during the day. A combination of me trying to teach her not to and her just naturally growing out of it.

Today, my auntie was visiting and on returning from a meal out, my auntie arrived home first. She parked a little too far over to let me get the baby seat out and had said she’d move the car once he was out but unfortunately, my neighbour returned home from a weekend away and was fuming.

She collared me immediately and said it’s about time we had a chat about noise levels again. She said that my daughter had finally stopped with the screaming and when I said that I do try to get the kids to keep the noise down, she responded by saying that she chose not to have children so why should she have to listen to noise from mine. It just so happens that whilst she was away her lodger had been making so much noise that my daughter thought someone had broken in which I did mention but I’ve come away feeling very anxious about it all. I’ve recently been diagnosed with post-natal anxiety following my son being hospitalised, amongst other things (he’s fine now). I feel I should point out that most nights my children sleep 7.30-7.30 and have since 8 and 10 weeks old. It’s rare we have a bad night. I also feel that on all other matters of complaint, we’ve bent over backwards to accommodate her. I know she’ll come round in a few days and I’m at a loss as what else I can say to her. Any thoughts or advice would be welcomed.

notapizzaeater Sun 26-Jan-20 22:58:56

Is it just you she talks to or your hubby as well ?

fedup21 Sun 26-Jan-20 22:59:25

God, she sounds bloody awful-poor you!

PerkyPomPoms Sun 26-Jan-20 22:59:44

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Coffeeisnecessary Sun 26-Jan-20 23:00:24

Err she sounds a bit unhinged! Not having children so shouldn't have to listen to yours?! She should live in a detached house if that's her perogative! Sounds v stressful, no advice really but you sound like you've done what you can, if try to disengage as much as possible with her!

ellendegeneres Sun 26-Jan-20 23:00:32

I’d be telling her to fuck off personally, she sounds like an absolute horror

Cherrysoup Sun 26-Jan-20 23:00:36

I suggest you tell her to find somewhere to live without neighbours. If she continues to harass you (chose not to have children, does she expect no-one to have any, either, fruit loop!) then advise her it is ‘normal levels’ for children, you will not silence your children for her, you’ve been considerate and you will seek advice from the police.

She is unreasonable. You know she is.

Member869894 Sun 26-Jan-20 23:00:58

honestly, I would just move

callmemellowyellow Sun 26-Jan-20 23:01:29

I would blank them from now on. Don't engage. Just ignore ignore ignore, and get on with your normal life.

Sparklingbrook Sun 26-Jan-20 23:02:36

Stop engaging with her at all.

dementedpixie Sun 26-Jan-20 23:03:24

She sounds batshit tbh. Stop tiptoeing around her, you have a right to make normal every day noise in your own home.

Chocolatecake12 Sun 26-Jan-20 23:03:26

She sounds batshit crazy.
Stop apologising for day to day noise. She lives next door. She can choose to move if she wants to or put up and shut up. Your children and you need to be able to live your lives normally not tiptoe around your own home.
And as for the parking, she sounds like she doesn’t like sharing but that’s her problem not yours.
A couple of good phrases for her complaints are
I hear you
And oh! Really?
And then walk away.

Chilver Sun 26-Jan-20 23:03:35

She is bullying you. Either stand up to her and tell her that this stops, immediately, or you will be making a harassment claim. Or get your partner to if you cant. I would also write down everything you can remember as record.

She may have chosen not to have children, but she can't stop you having them!! If she is that against noise, tell her to go live in Alaska in the middle of nowhere!

Weenurse Sun 26-Jan-20 23:04:43

Tell her that you have been accomodating all of her complaints, now you have a few of your own.
List how unreasonable she is expecting not to hear children when they live next door.
That you are quiet but her lodger is not.
Go on with everything that is bothering you about her.
It won’t make any difference as you can’t reason with nutters

beethecrackon24995 Sun 26-Jan-20 23:04:55

she sounds like a nightmare OP and i feel sorry for you. i think if it were me i would be getting to a point when i would be the one complaining to her about her attitude and that someone like her should live in a rural detached property where she wasn't near another human ...

Bottleup Sun 26-Jan-20 23:05:41

Tell her to stop harassing you or you'll report her to the police. Poor you.

MoaningMinniee Sun 26-Jan-20 23:05:46

Yanbu. She's batshit.

akmum18 Sun 26-Jan-20 23:06:23

Stop enabling her by doing as she asks, children scream/cry/make noise if she doesn’t like it she should move to the countryside, don’t adjust your life to suit her. You’re entitled to park wherever you like on a public road including your visitors. Saying sorry and doing what she says gives her the upper hand to keep taking the piss. Next time report her for harassment and tell her to fuck off

bluebell34567 Sun 26-Jan-20 23:08:01

agree she is harassing you.

Travis1 Sun 26-Jan-20 23:09:24

I wouldn’t engage with her. Actually I’d tell her to fuck off but you don’t sound like me 🤷🏻‍♀️ Either way it’s not you it’s her. If she wants no noise and no problems parking then she needs to buy a detached house with driveway in the country.

Don’t let her ruin the early years with your kids

lifeisgoodmostofthetime Sun 26-Jan-20 23:09:32

You're going to have to stand up to her and tell her you've had enough of her constant policing. She's being a bully

Gogreen Sun 26-Jan-20 23:09:52

I can see how maybe your timid? Or don’t want to cause any arguments? But this neighbour is surly pushing you to the end of your tether?

I would let her know next time that she is not to talk to you anymore,and if she has a problem, she can move house or log it with the police as you are no longer Interested in bending over backwards to accommodate her when she is continuously rude’

End of.

NotALurker2 Sun 26-Jan-20 23:10:55

Ask your neighbors for stories about this woman and the former tenants in your house. I'm sure there are many. That should make you feel better.

MyNewBearTotoro Sun 26-Jan-20 23:11:39

I agree she’s trying to bully and intimidate you. Is she just like this with you or is she the same with your partner? If possible I would try and get someone else to deal with her.

iswhois Sun 26-Jan-20 23:11:42

You need to stand up to her she's a bully

Tell her she should have bought a detached property if noise/parking/neighbour issues mean that much to her

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