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To think it is weird that I don't get invited anywhere with my OH

(380 Posts)
ByeFeliciaa Sun 26-Jan-20 16:43:58

My OH has a brother who is about to turn 30, they've arranged a meal for him. I've had to rearrange my work shifts so that OH can go.
He doesn't think it's weird that I haven't been invited? I've been in his brothers life for over 4 years now.
Maybe I'm just a bit put out that I'm losing a days wage so facilitate him being able to and having to sit at home with my children!
Similarly he was invited to a night out but couldn't go because I was working, I wasn't invited.
We spent NYE apart as he was invited out and I wasn't.

I KNOW we have a life apart but it would be nice to get dolled up and go out and have fun TOGETHER, both free of "mum and dad" duties but maybe aibu?

JKScot4 Sun 26-Jan-20 16:45:33

Sounds rather odd, has he never said to his brother why is Felicia not invited unless it’s a lads thing. Why did he go out on NYE without you?

Laurapb88 Sun 26-Jan-20 16:48:11

I think that's mean I dont get on with half my in laws but I'm always invited to family gatherings/meals same with friends you are not being unreasonable x

ByeFeliciaa Sun 26-Jan-20 16:48:49

No he hasn't asked as he doesn't find it the slightest bit strange. The brothers immediate family is going plus some of his mates and their girlfriends but as far as I can see, I have been the only one not to be asked. (May be others but I don't know the brothers friends or anything so I am only assuming)
But I speak to the brothers girlfriend every day, multiple times a day as our children are only 3 weeks apart in age. I thought that might have meant something to them sad
He said he wanted to go, I never. (They ended up standing on his friends driveway/garage with a fire, that idea bored me but the invite would of been nice)

Sumsuch Sun 26-Jan-20 16:48:53

This would be, and has been a deal breaker for me.

shamelessfamilyoverroad Sun 26-Jan-20 16:50:49

Do you think they maybe have invited you in the past but your partner has said no she doesn't/want/can't come due to the children etc?

ByeFeliciaa Sun 26-Jan-20 16:50:59

He literally just says it isn't strange at all and we both have separate lives.
In fact he actually said I was weird for thinking I would be invited

JKScot4 Sun 26-Jan-20 16:51:16

Even more odd that it’s a big family get together and you’re excluded, is your DP maybe telling you that so you don’t go? has brothers gf not asked if your going? I’m quite mystified.

Mummyshark2018 Sun 26-Jan-20 16:53:13

It's weird and rude that you're not invited. Are there ever daytime events that you and kids are invited to? Would you be able to get a babysitter to attend the evening dinners?

ByeFeliciaa Sun 26-Jan-20 16:53:20

No I don't think so as this is the first time all the brothers will be together (my OH and his brother haven't spoken in months, they are low contact due to having nothing in common) so it's not like they've invited him out before.
Usually with his friends he says no due to having no money but he has never said "oh xxx has said you can tag along too" it was just "xxx has asked me to pop along for NYE"

MercedesDeMonteChristo Sun 26-Jan-20 16:53:42

I’d think it weird if I wasn’t invited to in law things. However, we never go out as a couple with friends, I go out with mine and he with his.

ByeFeliciaa Sun 26-Jan-20 16:54:37

No we've never been invited to anything with the kids, my youngest is 18m and the brother and his girlfriend have only met her once (when she was born!!!) And vice versa, they don't seem that interested in getting the children together

ByeFeliciaa Sun 26-Jan-20 16:55:55

I dont think she would have mentioned to not ask me but maybe she did! She actually messaged me about an hour ago to ask if my partner is definitely going and if so what are his meal choices.
That's what prompted this thread as I'm a bit mind boggled that the invite didn't stretch to me

JKScot4 Sun 26-Jan-20 16:55:57

You have kids together and you’re not invited that’s very weird, is it another brother whose gf you’re friends with?

TorkTorkBam Sun 26-Jan-20 16:57:12


Do you go out with your friends without him? Is it that most of your mates are single?

NameChangeNugget Sun 26-Jan-20 16:57:28

I think it’s nice having same sex time socialising. When one of my soppy bollocks friends along her latest boyfriend it changes the dynamic.

I wouldn’t sweat the small stuff

ByeFeliciaa Sun 26-Jan-20 16:58:50

No, so my OH has 3 brothers
A, B and C
Its B's birthday. He is the only one who has a girlfriend and a child with her.
None of the others have children
I've messaged her daily since our children were born, sharing v personal things about our c section pain and everything in between! I would class her as a friend of mine.
I've invited her to soft play which she backs out of at the last minute
I invited her to my daughters 1st birthday, she again backed out of but I went out of my way to make sure they got some cake. I dropped off presents for their child for her 1st birthday and her Christmas etc so I would say she is a friend but maybe she doesn't feel that toward me

Ennith Sun 26-Jan-20 16:58:55

Are you sure you’re not invited but your dp is saying you’re not?

Nanasueathome Sun 26-Jan-20 16:59:07

I would be very put out with her messaging you to ask for his meal choices

FilthyforFirth Sun 26-Jan-20 16:59:15

Is he the dad of your kids? I agree it is weird and I wouldnt put up with it personally

gamerchick Sun 26-Jan-20 16:59:28

I hope you replied with what you asking me for.

Really weird, I'd be quite hurt if my husband didn't want to include me or go out with me. Do you ever go out?

JKScot4 Sun 26-Jan-20 16:59:29

You think she’s excluded from family events is ok?

Tombliwho Sun 26-Jan-20 16:59:38

I can understand his friends not inviting both of you but the family thing is really weird. Are they just assuming you'll need to have the kids and not bothering to ask you?

ByeFeliciaa Sun 26-Jan-20 17:00:18

I dont actually have any friends sad maybe why I find this so strange!
Well I have one "friend" who had a baby 2 months after me. But I've not seen her in 20 months.
Again she cancels on me.
Oh God ive a warped view of friendship don't I

ByeFeliciaa Sun 26-Jan-20 17:01:52

She has to ask me as neither of them have contact with me OH grin it's a farce! Quite why he is even going is beyond me

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