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To think that this was incredibly rude of DH?!

(107 Posts)
Shellsbellsk Sun 26-Jan-20 01:00:23

DSis and her new boyfriend have travelled down to stay with DH and I for the weekend. DH knows how much I’ve been looking forward to this as I’m very close to DSis, but she lives far away so we don’t see each other as often as we’d like and it’s also the first time meeting her boyfriend. They arrived late morning and were then all out of the house until late afternoon. Upon arriving home, DH disappeared upstairs without any explanation which I initially thought nothing of. After half an hour or so had gone by, DSis asked where DH had got to. After hunting around upstairs for him I found him tucked up in bed fast asleep. I immediately woke him and asked what on earth he was doing as we had guests. He said he was tired and would come down later, before rolling over back to sleep. I spent the next hour or so feeling very embarrassed and constantly apologising on DH’s behalf. DH eventually breezed down and joined us after around two hours of sleeping, no apology and carried on with the evening as normal.

I have spent the rest of the evening feeling annoyed with DH for his rudeness. For context, we often have DH’s friends and family come to stay and he’s always very enthusiastic about planning what we’ll do during their stay. He’s certainly never slept during any of their visits. On the rare occasion I have one of my own family members or friends to stay, DH shows far less enthusiasm and lacks interest in contributing to any plans. Him popping off upstairs for a sleep during the day whilst they are present strikes me as the ultimate disrespect and lack of effort. AIBU here please? DH thinks I’m overreacting.

Sparklesocks Sun 26-Jan-20 01:03:30

I would agree it’s very rude. Even if he had excused himself and said he needed a lie down (if he wasn’t feeling well etc) that would have been better than disappearing without a word.

Reluctantbettlynch Sun 26-Jan-20 01:04:16

He should have excused himself, for sure

custardbear Sun 26-Jan-20 01:06:14

Yes that's rude, he should have at least excused himself or slept earlier in the day if he was so tired

VisionQuest Sun 26-Jan-20 01:06:51

Yep, very rude indeed.

DisinterestedParty Sun 26-Jan-20 01:07:28

Honestly I couldn't get excited about it either way. Your sister is family and I don't worry too much about social mores when it comes to family.

Visiting my PILs house involves everyone disappearing to have naps several times a day, and it is bliss.

Chocmallows Sun 26-Jan-20 01:08:49

It's really rude!
Ask him what he would say to you if you did it when his Dmum/cousin/etc. next visits.

fligglepige Sun 26-Jan-20 01:09:40

Considering they were out of the house all day I wouldn't be too concerned about both of you spending every moment with them. Maybe he thought it would be nice to let you catch up without him hovering around - I often leave DH with PIL and disappear out to do washing etc to give them a chance to talk amongst themselves.

Shellsbellsk Sun 26-Jan-20 01:12:17

If it was just DSis visiting, it would have been different. But neither of us had met her boyfriend before and the purpose of the weekend was for the four of us to all spend time together!

ineedaholidaynow Sun 26-Jan-20 01:14:48

Could DH have had a nap before they arrived in the evening? Will you be doing things with them tomorrow?

BringOnTheBotox Sun 26-Jan-20 01:18:52

I think it's very rude of him, especially as he never does it when his own family or friends come to stay.

SoulStarS Sun 26-Jan-20 01:24:01

YANBU OP. I get it. It’s what the nap represents.

Beautiful3 Sun 26-Jan-20 01:44:17

You'll have to do the same when his friends visit. If he says its rude then explain that you learned this from him!

WindFlower92 Sun 26-Jan-20 01:50:05

Surely if the point is for you to spend time together they were rude to be out of the house all day?

SeaGale Sun 26-Jan-20 01:50:55

Oh my goodness, no. Definitely rude. If he did need to go and lie down for whatever reason then he should have told you at the very least so you could make his apologies for him.

AnyOldSpartabix Sun 26-Jan-20 01:55:58

My ex was always offish when my family came.

Vis-a-vis your partner, OP, had he said he was exhausted and wanted a lie down, then fair enough, but I hated it when my ex would slope off somewhere without saying a word to anyone. I’d be waiting for him, or would assume he was entertaining our guests and then I’d find he wasn’t.

He only did it to my family, not his own family, or any other guests. It reflected his general selfishness and his lack of respect for me and mine, which I suspect stemmed from envy as his parents belonged in the Stately Homes thread.

So is this a one off or a pattern? If it’s the latter, then you have a problem.

Honeyroar Sun 26-Jan-20 01:58:13

Yes he was rude and should have excused himself. The sister’s boyfriend must think he’s a real weirdo!

dontgobaconmyheart Sun 26-Jan-20 02:00:56

Personally I'd not care and wouldn't at all if it was my sister, my DP often goes out when my family or friends visit then pops and joins us later, and I do the same- we all get on fine it's just that I think its nice to let people spend time with who they've realistically really come to see, especially if its infrequent.

I get you though OP, that isn't your norm. I think I'd have just said he was under the westher though and moved on with the conversatio. he did join you later after all.

timeisnotaline Sun 26-Jan-20 02:03:58

I would definitely be doing this every time his friends or family are over until we agreed mutual support levels for socialising and hosting. It’s not one rule for him and one for me.

mnthrowaway202020 Sun 26-Jan-20 02:06:50

It’s certainly rude when he doesn’t make an effort with your guests, yet expects you to treat his guests better

buckeejit Sun 26-Jan-20 02:14:42

So rude.

justonecottonpickingminute Sun 26-Jan-20 02:24:19

If I’ve understood correctly, OP, her DH, dsis, and boyfriend all went out together and, when they got home, DH disappeared upstairs for a 2-hour nap. So PPs saying that sis and boyfriend were rude for going out and leaving OP may have misunderstood?

For what it’s worth, I don’t think the nap itself was a big deal but the discrepancy between his enthusiasm for his own family members’ visits and apathy when your family visits would grate on me so I don’t think YABU.

Northernparent68 Sun 26-Jan-20 05:18:18

You made it worse by constantly apologising.

I suppose it depends on whether he was really tired or making a point. He may have been annoyed your daughter was out for most of the day.

AlmostAJillSandwich Sun 26-Jan-20 05:38:53

He was tired, it's no big deal!

TimeIhadaNameChange Sun 26-Jan-20 05:41:20

Is he a generally social person or does he find being around people he doesn't know well hard?

My DP had been known to disappear and leave me to entertain his friends and family when they stay! He just seems to get overwhelmed by their presence and needs time to wind down. He's on the spectrum which I think accounts for it. The strange this is I am an introvert but seem to cope better.

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