To hate weekends?!

[Fatted]

Every week I always look forward to the weekend. But when it arrives I'm absolutely bloody miserable and I'm already counting down to Monday.

DH and I both work full time. Me Mon-Fri, him Tues-Sat. So on Saturday I'm always on my own with the kids. They are 6 and 4 and I don't know if I have especially high needs kids, but from the moment I wake up they won't leave me alone. They always need help with some, always asking for something. Eldest is being assessed for ADHD at the moment. He is incapable of sitting still or being quiet. I have had to set a timer and tell the boys they can't speak to me for 20 minutes until the timer goes just so I can sit down and drink a cup of tea in peace. DS1 is trying to climb on a chair to get biscuits as I write this.

I'm sick of my entire weekend being a treadmill of eat and tidy up repeatedly, along with house work, shopping, home work, reading and ironing school uniforms. Getting out and doing the shopping with the two of them on my own is so stressful on a Saturday. I have to go today because we need food to eat and DS2 needs a new school bag anyway.

I wish I could describe how hard it feels with them. They just complain about everything. They are never happy to go out on a weekend, even if it is something fun they have asked to do!!

Tomorrow DH and I are having the afternoon off and DC are going to SIL. Even then, it just feels like I have to rush to get everything done in even less time because I don't have the afternoon now. Already I feel like I can't relax and enjoy my weekend.

Even when DH is home on Sundays, it's no different. He is like DS1 in a lot of ways. The kids also mither me more for things than DH.

I just want one weekend where I can actually sit down and relax. Without worrying about the next job on my list. I miss when weekends were fun and we did fun things together.

[URPS]

YANBU if that's how you feel. Can you get the odd weekend together alone? Or go away alone over night on a saturday once in a while ?

Bring up kids as well as working/looking after the house IS a long slog. Thankfully, it does get easier!

[funinthesun19]

I tend to enjoy weekends more when I have a routine. I don’t like the chaos of weekdays to then have a come down at weekends and have no structure.

[mdh2020]

My husband worked on Saturdays and I , too, used to get very fed up. If you ask around at school or your GP you will probably find others in the same boat and you could arrange to meet up and do things together. Do you have relatives nearby who could do some childcare at the weekend? Could you enrol them in a class on Saturday mornings so you get an hour to yourself or take them to a soft play area? I hope things improve for you

[GrapefruitsAreNotTheOnlyFruit]

Two ideas. Enrol them in a structured, tiring sporting activity on Saturday mornings. Ideally one with a cafe you can sit in and chill out. Get all the food delivered on Friday night.

[Bluewavescrashing]

I would definitely start online grocery shopping. I never do it in the actual supermarket- too tiring and stressful.

Can you try to get a few jobs done during the week to free up the weekend? Or bribe the kids to help?

I have to say I no longer have a couple of glasses of wine on a Friday night and instead try to get the kitchen cleaned up so I come down to a tidy space on a Saturday. Also it's nice having a clear head in the morning. I take my DCs to clubs on Sat mornings then in the afternoon they are expected to entertain themselves most of the time. Sometimes we do a bit of craft or go swimming but usually they're worn out and want to chill.

It's difficult as you don't get a traditional weekend with your OH. Is he doing his share around the house?

[muddledmidget]

Does your OH try and achieve as much on a Monday as you do on a Saturday? It seems to me you're trying to fit all the housework into one day while doing childcare. Is there any way of spreading the load to make Saturdays feel less pressured? Ie do an online shop during the week to be delivered on a Friday evening, and your OH to iron uniforms on a Monday (just do one on a Sunday for Monday if you can't move the whole washing cycle on). Also implement a 5 minute tidy up before lunch and dinner on a Saturday so everything gets straightened up a little bit by everybody rather than you doing it all. If you were trying to achieve a little less you'd probably have more time to enjoy being with the children and more head space to cope with their demands on you

[Time4change2018]

Organisation was my thing ... hard to start but routine is good for all.
Food shop delivery is a great idea, sport or activity Saturday am to tire children while you have an hour of you time and a sharing of jobs you can do Saturday and others can DH can do on Mondays when he is off and children are in school.
We put too much pressure to do jobs etc on a weekend ... no reason they can't be done on a Monday

[Fatted]

Yes DH does his fair share around the house and does pull his weight on a Monday. I was waiting on that one. He cleans the entire house and hoovers every where on a Monday. But generally, things still need a spruce on a Saturday. I have to hoovers downstairs most days because my kids are so messy eaters. We do a load of washing every day. The dishes still need done after every meal. He doesn't do the big food shop because I have the car for work. Even still, it needs topped up.

He was ironing the uniforms on a Monday but did a shit job of it. I'm ironing them now while he does home work on a Sunday. I also iron my own clothes. I never have and never will iron any of DH's or DCs clothes (except for uniforms!)

We do have people to help with child care, my DP and SIL. Unfortunately at the moment because of illness in my family, my DP aren't able to help as much as they usually do because they're helping my sibling. Which is why I'm probably feeling the stress as well.

[HugeAckmansWife]

Right. 1. Get shopping delivered or click and collect. 2. Its your house, it doesn't 'need a spruce' on a Saturday unless you have visitors. 3. Don't wash clothes every day. All uniform in on Friday night,. Washer and tumble drier going together from 5-9 and all my weeks washing is done. 4. Some will say don't iron but I do, in front of call the midwife or something non-demanding once kids are in bed. Or accept the less than perfect job for a couple of weeks and let DH do it.. He will get better at it. 5. As a pp said, make Saturdays swimming, gymnastics, climbing or whatever. Some theatre groups are 3 hours 😊It gives you structure, they won't be making a mess in the house and you get an hour or whatever in the cafe. I'm a single mum, work full time and absolutely insist of being left the fuck alone for an hour to read the paper or have a bath on each weekend day. Mine are 8 and 10 now so a little easier but I did start that when they were about 5 and 7. They can be on screens or whatever, just not on me. I find so long as my living room is clear of kids stuff in the evenings I can relax and enjoy a good couple of hours to myself everyday, but it is about looking at the overall picture.

[Nickynackienoo]

I can really sympathise with you Op. It can be particularly spirit crushing to be so looking forward to the weekend and then when it comes it just feels like hard graft. I’ve got an 8 year old with adhd too plus a stroppy 11 year old girl and it’s not easy to maintain a peaceful household sometimes. Many weekends have been spoiled by some upset or another. Or just by the pure drudgery of it all.
I find the best weekends for us are when we manage a small outing in the morning, so that gives you a bit of structure and reason to get out. Somewhere with a cafe is great like previous poster suggested! Then when you come home, shove them in front of a film and do a quick clean and tidy. Then send them to bed early ish so you get some grown up time to relax! I do completely get how difficult it is though.

[muddledmidget]

Do you have a tumble drier or a dishwasher? And if not do you have space to fit them in? Just being able to put dirty breakfast and lunch things out of the way makes the kitchen feel tidier even if they're still dirty. And knowing you can catch up on the washing in a day or two by having the washing machine and tumble drier going constantly means the washing isn't so stressful. Also would your 6 year old be able to hoover with a lightweight cordless hoover? Age appropriate chores can share the load. I also really liked the tip I saw on here the other day about doing a wash load of just one person's clothes so there's less sorting to do afterwards.

[Hannahmates]

YABU. What did you expect when you had kids? This is the reality of parenting. You just have to deal with it. You're not alone though. A lot of people can't stand to be around their kids and dress the school holidays.

[Hannahmates]

*dread the school holidays

[Mummyshark2019]

Kids and supermarkets don't mix. Always get your shopping delivered.

[Mumdiva99]

Sorry you aren't happy but it is the way with kids. Your kids are very young and probably miss you when they are in childcare during the week. The least they deserve is mum time at the weekend. Of course they want attention so structure yourself around it. Take them to the library, choose books together, go home sit and read. Do cooking in the afternoon - go to the shops in the morning. Have a tea time play date with friends or family. Stay busy but focussed around the kids.

[Fatted]

@Hannahmates to be fair when I was in primary school I didn't have homework or a uniform so I wasn't really expecting to be be ironing uniform or having to do reading and spellings and home work with them every weekend. I also rather naively thought I would have a six year old capable of doing simple things I could do at his age without having a complete breakdown. But we live and learn don't we.🤷‍♀️

Online shopping is definitely going to be done from now on. We do have a tumble dryer, but I'm loathe to use it because it shrinks things. Use it for the towels and sheets though. No room for dishwasher unfortunately. I am by my own admission very particular about my house. My mum is a hoarder and I have gone the opposite way, so perhaps I do need to chill out about mess and clutter.

I understand my kids want to spend time with me and I want to enjoy my time with them. I do appreciate ideas and suggestions for this so thank you. I have been reluctant to get up and out early on a Saturday because I have to do it every day in the week, but perhaps this is the way forward.

[HugeAckmansWife]

Ooh some good mummy guilt there. How about someone suggests the Dad changes his days. Yes he cleans on a Monday but he has the absolute luxury of an empty house to do it and I bet he spend a peaceful hour or two with a coffee in amongst the cleaning. When does the op get that? I assume the op is working so she can put food on the table, not because she can't stand her kids. The problem is that the housework needs to be done as well as interacting with the kids so the 'break' that we expect the weekend to be really isn't. All the activities and crafts are lovely but the kids need clean clothes and food in the cupboards. It's about balance obviously but somewhere in there the op is still an adult, a person, not just a parent and employee. It's hard yes but it doesn't have to put you at breaking point if you implement some of the ideas suggested here.

[Brokenlightfitting]

Cant he do the weekly shop on a Monday? And all of the cooking/housework/ironing?

[Hannahmates]

@Fatted Then you were pretty naive. When I was in primary school we had homework everyday. We even had projects to complete. Our upbringing us clearly different. You're not alone though. Many parents hate being around their own kids.

[crustycrab]

Well yeah, ironing uniform is boring. Kids are hyperactive and want biscuits. That's life. They won't be little forever.

You've got an afternoon off tomorrow so enjoy it. And get a delivery pass from your supermarket of choice. Game changer. Can do the shopping from your bed

[Nickynackienoo]

You can’t win to be honest. The guilt of working during the week and then the guilt of wanting some time to yourself at the weekends too. I’m sure you don’t hate being around your kids all the time. It’s completely normal to feel fed up. It’s your right to have some time to yourself as well but it might have to be after the kids go to bed. How many parents can truly appreciate how hard it will be juggling work and kids prior to having them?

[Fatted]

I don't actually think I've ever said once I hate my kids or hate being around them. I find them annoying and irritating on Saturday mornings, yes. I spend every morning with them before work and have actually turned down a job to make sure I still have that hour with them in the morning before school. I spend every evening with them before bed. I make a point of sitting down with them while they draw, read etc every evening. I haven't had a weekend without them since boxing day. When I went to visit terminally ill sibling without them. And they were with DH, so not exactly palmed off. Last time before that was October when we were moving house.

Two years ago, I actually had a nervous breakdown because I didn't actually have a second to myself between childcare and working evenings. DH and I almost separated because of how bad it was. I didn't get my hair cut for two years because I didn't want to leave DC on a Saturday afternoon when I wasn't working. I actually started working full-time in the day when they went to school full time because I wasn't seeing them enough after school. I see them more now I'm full time.

I love school holidays because it is just us and it is fun. There isn't all of the other day to day crap to do.

Every one else has it hard too. I get that and would appreciate constructive tips from the people who are doing it without struggling on how to achieve this. Telling me shouldn't have had kids is a bit late now TBH.

Maybe I am a terrible mum for wanting sometime to myself once in a while.

[Bluewavescrashing]

Of course you're not a terrible mum. We all have our limits and kids can be bloody irritating. I pointedly tell mine to go away occasionally. It doesn't mean I love them any less and I'm sure you love yours. You spend time with them, work hard during the week and want to enjoy the weekend, nothing wrong with that.

[SimonJT]

Online shopping! And, this is a phrase that many people hate, but chill out. What will actually happen if you don’t clean every weekend? Absolutely nothing, no one on their death bed will think “shit, I should have cleaned the house more”.

I only have one (but I’m a lone parent).
Saturday
First thing rugby tots, while he does that I go to the gym. After that we walk to the park where he plays for about half an hour, he knows that sadly Daddy is over the weight limit for the play equipment so Daddy can’t join in. We then eat lunch out, no washing up!

When we get home I get half an hour of free time where unless he genuinely needs me, bum wiping etc then he has to leave me alone. After that we play something together for about half an hour, after that I choose something I like (but he doesn’t) which essentially forces him to leave me alone.

Sunday
Swimming lesson, it’s 1:1 so unless it’s a badge day I go to the gym. Like saturday park afterwards, no lunch out this time though, thirty minutes of sanity at home and then half an hour playing together.

A big rule is that Daddy can stay in bed as long as he wants at the weekend, my son is pretty good at staying in his room and playing relatively quietly with lego etc.

Once a month my cousin was collecting him from school on Friday and not returning him until after rugby tots, but she is moving abroad :(

I’m less strict behaviour wise at the weekend, I know for a fact that he is currently launching duplo around his room. I could go and intervene, or I could carry on laying on the sofa with the cat without hearing “daddy look” every single second. Guess which one I chose!

I have managed to train him (which is a miracle as I’m not house trained), he knows which dirty clothes are darks and which are lights. If told he will bring them and put them on the kitchen floor, he can also put clothes away, yes not in a hugely neat way, but it doesn’t matter.