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When you're the household your DC's friends prefer....

(21 Posts)
BillHadersNewWife Sat 25-Jan-20 04:41:27

I have two DDs and both have active and healthy social lives for which I am grateful. One's 15 and the other's almost 12. Both know they can invite their friends over and have sleepovers and also go to their mates' houses.

They do and it's fine but my younger DD has a friend who seems to much prefer our house to her own.

Her Mum is nice...she's got two older sisters and is loved but she's here ALL the time. I don't mind one bit but sometimes worry that her Mum might?

She has two sleepovers in a row here on a lot of weekends and I suppose I'm asking if that's normal? I don't want to overstep the mark.

Shoeshelpplease Sat 25-Jan-20 04:47:46

I really think you are overthinking this. Kids just like to hang out with each other. Maybe your house is less chaotic, maybe it's more. Maybe she just likes a change.

Ask her?

MelAndShoe Sat 25-Jan-20 04:54:10

I think her mum will stop her if she minds.

Shev1996 Sat 25-Jan-20 05:09:42

I had a friend who always stayed over at mine, simply because her older sibling always had friends over. They shared a room. I doubt this is complex, don’t read too much into it

Shev1996 Sat 25-Jan-20 05:13:43

Besides I doubt she necessarily prefers your house to her own, she’s a kid and it’s new. You are reading a bit too much into this

Stronger76 Sat 25-Jan-20 06:00:14

My DDs best friend's house is like a show home. Immaculate. And her mum is a nutter who can lose control if there is any sort of disorder. Our house... lived in, generally a bit/lot untidy plus single full time working parent laziness..

DDs friend came over to ours once and we had an impromptu baking afternoon. Two ten year old loose in the (already casually untidy) kitchen for a few hours was, as you can imagine, a big mistake great fun, and we soon got tidy whilst the icing was setting. DDs friend said to us both that she preferred our house to her own as she could relax and be herself. Sad really

grisen Sat 25-Jan-20 06:17:10

I was the opposite. I’m with my childhood best friend and until we moved in together i stayed at his (from aged 4 until 14) TWICE! He stayed over at mine every weekend as kids. When I moved in with him — because my family moved— I cried for 3 months. I’m just a homebody.

Bowerbird5 Sat 25-Jan-20 06:31:12

I had four kids and this happened with quite a few. Family across the road had a much bigger garden ( think 1 1/2 acres) but two of their seven were often here. When my boys were young there were five families in the village and the kids seem to rotate between us and when old enough they were also allowed to the village playing fields.

Bowerbird5 Sat 25-Jan-20 06:38:12

Stronger76 I used to let them bake too. Some of them used to come and bake for the village show because they weren’t allowed to at home! Very sad I agree.
I remember it was like a rock bun factory one year. My neighbour two doors down was quite upset because my son beat her to get second and she was a good baker. They put a men’s class on for rock buns and they won a wooden spoon. He won it at about 12 the first year. He works in hospitality now and manages a large bar and food.😁

icecreamsundae32 Sat 25-Jan-20 06:50:51

My best friend always stayed at mine basically every weekend when we were 15-16! She had lots of siblings and her parents were very strict so she preferred to have some peace and hang out at mine!

My sons are 11&8 and both have a couple of friends that are here most nights after school, one has no siblings so is bored at home on his own, the other has 3 toddler siblings so I think he likes to escape the madness even tho I also have a 2yo lol. I don't mind most of the time and in the summer hopefully they'll play outside more!

Karwomannghia Sat 25-Jan-20 07:16:47

Until recently I would come back to a huge pile of shoes and bags and would be giving tea to 3 extras almost every night. Also had one particular friend who practically lived here. It’s changed now dd wants her own space so told them all I wanted her on her own more!

Karwomannghia Sat 25-Jan-20 07:18:06

Oh and it’s because a lot of the other parents say no whereas we don’t mind. Though I don’t like more than 2 each staying over.

mathanxiety Sat 25-Jan-20 07:22:46

DDs 1 and 2 had friends who were almost twin sisters to each of them. It was like a village raising a child in the case of both my DDs and their friends - very communal. Never a weekend passed when I had a full compliment of my own kids but I always had a few members of other people's families at mine. One day when our city woke after a whopping blizzard I was digging out when I spotted DS plunging his way down the street making his way home from his friends' home - they had made a small fortune digging snow. About 200 metres behind him came DD2, slogging home from her friend's home where she had been marooned during the blizzard.

When DS was 13-14 he fell in with a great group of friends, two of whom lived on the same street a little bit away from my home, both in houses with basements well equipped for teenage boys (big TVs, game consoles, old couches, fridges, bathroom) and we rarely saw him for the next few years. He became almost a third son to one family (barbequed for them, helped the dad peel up old carpet and put down tiles, dug an extension to their pond, painted their garage, pulled up old evergreen bushes, and eventually he inherited a toolbox containing three generations of tools) and I got glowing reports from the other household of DS's prowess in hoovering, making box brownies and cleaning up the kitchen afterwards [gasp]. His friends all pitched in and helped us move when we sold our house.

DS is the only boy of five and I guess he got a bit tired of all the girls constantly buzzing around my home.

DD3 had a close friend who lived nearby and they came and went all the time. DD4's BFF lived next door. Again, they drifted in and out all day every day, and slept over in one house or another several times per week.

recycledbottle Sat 25-Jan-20 07:33:36

Sometimes it's just the kids personality and they are home bodies so the friend goes to their house because they are more flexible. This was the case with a childhood friend. I was always in her house and her parents did make comments about how fun/great with activities they were. I would say oh yes but didn't prefer their home to mine it is just that friend was quite rigid and wanted to be in her comfort zone. She is still like that today. Choosing where we eat, sit etc. Our old neighbours kids were the same. Only wanted to be in their own houses so other kids would go to them to fit it. Just to give the other side.

dottiedodah Sat 25-Jan-20 07:57:14

Stronger 76 First time I have heard a full time working single parent described as "lazy"!

Clarabella77 Sat 25-Jan-20 08:22:52

My son had a friend who was always here for a while. My son doesn't have siblings so I could see how happy it made him even though it was a little annoying for me and I did wonder what his parents thought. . .

However this friend seems to have moved away and I get my peace and quiet back but I also feel a bit sad that this child no longer comes round. 😞

IceCreamAndCandyfloss Sat 25-Jan-20 09:07:13

Agree you’re overthinking it. The parents would stop or limit visits if they weren’t happy.

Mine was the default house in the primary years and it never crossed my mind to worry that others were here so much.

MrsBobDylan Sat 25-Jan-20 09:17:36

You are doing a lovely thing letting her stay regularly. As long as it isn't bothering you?

I spent lots of time at my best friends house and even lived with them during the week for a couple of months while my family moved house.

I was very unhappy at home and it was difficult to invite because my parents were unpredictable and volatile. If you'd met them you probably would have thought they were good parents but they were deceptively shit.

The time I spend at BF's house helped me to build a loving and happy family for myself and I owe her Mum and Dad a great deal.

Inappropriatefemale Sat 25-Jan-20 09:18:06

It’s totally normal so I wouldn’t worry about it, my best pal used to stay with us every weekend, she had lots of siblings and so preferred the peace and quiet at mines.

Your overthinking it.

BeyondMyWits Sat 25-Jan-20 09:22:32

You probably have the "stuff"... we have a piano and electric guitar and an old PS2 with cheesy kids games on.

Teen central...

Stronger76 Sat 25-Jan-20 10:26:42

@dottiedodah OK not lazy, I'm made to feel guilty for the state of my house but it's so hard! Just don't have the energy some days, or the inclination. Much rather be #makingmemories aka #makingmess on my days off rather than doing housework smile

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