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Poorly baby and MIL visit, AIBU to keep them apart?

(221 Posts)
TeenyQueen Sat 25-Jan-20 04:05:20

MIL invited herself to visit us this weekend. She visited us once previously when DD was a little newborn and that visit was stressful for me because MIL just wanted to hold DD constantly, regardless of whether I needed to feed her etc, and insisted on sitting right next to me when I did feed DD. In short she lacked some boundaries.

So MIL is visiting us again and DD has developed a nasty cold, she's snotty and struggling to breathe occasionally. Been checked by GP and told she just needs lots of sleep and feeding. DD is also due her second lot of vaccines on Monday so ideally she should be feeling normal by then.
AIBU asking MIL to keep a slight distance from DD i.e not cuddle her this weekend? She can still hang out with us and obviously spend time with DH but DD struggles to sleep at night and she's cranky during the day whilst she's poorly.
I should say that MIL sometimes lacks common sense, e.g. not washing hands before wanting to hold DD.

blackcat86 Sat 25-Jan-20 04:16:08

Tell her it's not a good time to visit as DD is unwell and needs her rest. I doubt she'll be having her vaccinations Monday if shes that poorly but she needs snuggles, feeding and sleep with her mum to recover especially if shes struggling to breathe. Calpol do a fantastic vapour plug in that I would highly recommend.

Snowflake9 Sat 25-Jan-20 04:36:08

Do you ask everyone to wash their hands before they hold the baby? If so , then reiterate to her that is extremely important.now as baby is poorly.

"You can come and stay, but baby will need me alot of the time, so we shall keep ourselves out of the way"

Set the expectations, then it's up to MIL to follow them. You can't ask her to keep within boundaries you do not set.

Hope your LO starts to feel better soon.

TeenyQueen Sat 25-Jan-20 04:50:11

It was too late to cancel the visit according to DH. We do ask everyone to wash their hands before dealing with DD, this is something that wouldn't occur to MIL unless she was prompted to do so. I'm just concerned that she's travelling to us by train, probably packed with people with all sorts of coughs and cold, then heading straight to us. Also, not sure how much of a hypochondriac I am but MIL is Chinese (living in the UK) and there have been suspected cases of Corona virus in her hometown. Being Chinese itself doesn't put her at risk but everyone from the Chinese community tend to shop at the same speciality shops etc so they're more likely to come across people who have recently travelled to China. MIL herself was actually worried about the virus and asked if DH could get her 4 dozen face masks confused.

Snowflake9 Sat 25-Jan-20 04:57:02

Are you a germophobe? (Not a dig, just a question)

How many sick people are you going to be around on Monday when you take DD for her jabs? How many germs are on the check in screen, the chairs, the door handles etc. No more than what can be found on a train I am sure.

I would say, you have anxiety over your MIL coming to stay. As I said just set your boundaries, then she needs to stay within them. Some people really do just need to be told. This is your baby, and what you say goes. Don't be afraid to speak up.

Muddyfunker Sat 25-Jan-20 05:30:59

Agree with speak up.

Your child your rules. If she's asleep tell her not to pick her up and that she can be cuddled, kissed ect when she's awake.

Bowerbird5 Sat 25-Jan-20 05:32:06

I would ring and check about her vaccinations. I never took mine if they had a bad cold. Doesn’t your DH work? He must go out of the house and mix with other people.
Just ask MIL to wash her hands and explain your anxious she doesn’t catch anything else or get DH to do it.

TartanMarbled Sat 25-Jan-20 05:39:11

In the kindest way possible, it sounds like you have health anxiety. It's not your fault, but you are being unreasonable. From what you've said, you have no grounds to stop MIL cuddling DD.

Chipmonkeypoopoo Sat 25-Jan-20 06:02:41

Unless there are underlying medical reasons or your guests have been poking poop or smoking there's little reason to ask them to wash their hands before handling your DD. Stuff like that will prevent her immune system from building up and make her even more susceptible to colds in future. It might also affect the development of her gut flora which may lead to allergies and other overly vigorous immunological responses in future.

ButtonandPickle19 Sat 25-Jan-20 06:07:30

It’s unreasonable to expect that, on her second meeting of her DGC she can’t hold or touch them when they just have a cold. But if DD wants you this weekend just be firm

WeHaveSnowdrops Sat 25-Jan-20 06:35:15

Of course she has to cuddle the baby. It's what grandparents do.

slipperywhensparticus Sat 25-Jan-20 06:37:57

There are NO cases in the UK yabu

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep Sat 25-Jan-20 06:38:18

How is your DD now? I she's under the weather already it's hard to see how MIL could make her worse.

coconuttelegraph Sat 25-Jan-20 06:51:35

I wonder if one day I will be the subject of a thread like this, it honestly wouldn't occur to me to wash my hands before picking up a baby or to think about gems that might be on my person from being in contact with other people. Your MIL sounds a bit overbearing but I also think you may have some issues of your own around health concerns.

Chipmonkeypoopoo Sat 25-Jan-20 06:57:56

Just to clarify further to my previous post that shopping in Asian supermarkets is not an underlying medical consideration.

Have you always felt this way about health? Please don't worry so much. Babies are exposed to so many bugs etc and many flourish and grow up to be happy, healthy adults.

Saturdaycartoon Sat 25-Jan-20 06:58:31

Your question is AIBU to keep your baby and her grandmother apart when she comes to visit.

Yes.

It sounds like you don't like your MIL and are irritated by her. Grandmothers cuddle babies.
Your baby's cold is another reason she should be cuddled!
I second the calpol plug in, was very sceptical when DH came home with it from the pharmacy but had to concede it really helps.

Sirzy Sat 25-Jan-20 07:03:30

You do sound very anxious. Hugs from granny when she has a cold aren’t going to do any harm. In fact it may even free you up to have a cup of tea while it’s hot!

MindyStClaire Sat 25-Jan-20 07:25:28

I'd be very hurt if my mum didn't get to see DD often and DH was trying to prevent them having a cuddle.

Just explain that because she's sick, she'll likely be feeding even more than usual. But when the baby is awake and not feeding, no reason at all granny can't have a cuddle.

Ponoka7 Sat 25-Jan-20 07:26:39

Aldi have the calpol plugs in as part of their baby event.

Normally they ask if your baby has, been well for the last three days when you go for vaccinations.

I think you're being ridiculous, but do need to speak up about your boundaries.

Dieu Sat 25-Jan-20 07:32:10

You're being ridiculously precious and petty.

user1493413286 Sat 25-Jan-20 07:32:31

I’m not entirely sure I understand why you don’t want her to hold your DD; obviously take her back for feeding and if you prefer her not to be held constantly when she’s sleeping then take her to put her down but there will be some in between parts?
I’m also not sure that her not washing her hands means she lacks common sense; it’s quite new that people expect that.

SallyWD Sat 25-Jan-20 07:33:00

I think you can be a bit firmer about taking the baby when she needs feeding or it's time to sleep. However, I think it's unreasonable not to let her cuddle her grandchild just because she has a cold! I've never heard of people washing they hands before holding a baby. It's all a bit OTT. I'd just relax. It sounds like it's only the second time she's seen the baby so it's not like she's constantly there trying to wrestle the baby from you. Let her enjoy being a grandma.

greenlavender Sat 25-Jan-20 07:35:39

I think YABU. Poor grandmother.

Monkeynuts18 Sat 25-Jan-20 07:38:56

It’s not a ‘common sense’ thing to wash your hands before holding a baby.

I can’t see why having a cold means her granny can’t have a cuddle with her.

And as another poster says I’d be very upset if my mum came to visit and my DH tried to stop her from having a cuddle with our baby.

Clangus00 Sat 25-Jan-20 07:40:23

I can understand gran not holding baby if SHE had the cold, not the other way round.

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