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AIBU to expect to be offered a drink?

(150 Posts)
PurplePunk Sat 25-Jan-20 00:42:13

Just that really. Went over to MILs for a meal / drinks. I drove and was the only one not on alcoholic drinks.
AIBU to be slightly annoyed that I wasn’t offered a drink all night?! I don’t feel comfortable enough around MIL to help myself and was always taught it’s rude to outright ask!

Emmelina Sat 25-Jan-20 00:44:01

Even if MIL didn’t think to offer, surely DH should have? YANBU.

Halo1234 Sat 25-Jan-20 00:53:49

Yanbu. Very inconsiderate of them.

Iloveacurry Sat 25-Jan-20 00:56:32

You should of just asked. She was rude not to offer.

5zeds Sat 25-Jan-20 00:59:15

I expect she forgot what with cooking. Nd serving all the food, could your husband not have made you one?

Lucked Sat 25-Jan-20 01:02:34

I think that you need to speak up for yourself a bit more, you are after all related.

Would it be all right if I got a glass of water? Easy

melj1213 Sat 25-Jan-20 01:12:39

Surely someone at some point went out to make more drinks/get a new bottle of wine so a quick "While you're getting the wine could you grab me a can of coke/glass of water etc while you're in the kitchen?" or "Am I alright to grab another drink?" is not rude

Freezingold Sat 25-Jan-20 01:18:50

I often forget to ask people if they want a drink if I’m cooking. So I do think YABU as you are a big girl now, just help yourself or ask!

namechange1041 Sat 25-Jan-20 01:20:11

I would of nudged DP to get me a drink but YANBU

GlummyMcGlummerson Sat 25-Jan-20 01:23:33

Honestly OP - why are you sitting there martyring yourself without a drink? You're a grown up, she's your family, just ask for one! No one in their right mind thinks it's rude to ask and if they do they're frankly weird.

I'm not a hot drink drinker so I often forget to ask my guests if they want a drink blush when I do remember I tell them to say "oi Glummy where's me cuppa" if they want one.

Bluerussian Sat 25-Jan-20 01:35:47

I doubt your mother in law intended to exclude you from having a soft drink or glass of water, things sometimes just happen that way. Nothing to stop you helping yourself, surely? I always did at my in-laws. People who are not drinking alcohol still get thirsty after all.

PyongyangKipperbang Sat 25-Jan-20 01:36:26

Very rude of them.

How long have you been with DH?

Ishotmrburns Sat 25-Jan-20 01:39:06

It was a bit rude of her but it was really silly of you not to ask all night, or just get up and grab something.

If I'm making a big dinner for lots of people I sometimes get distracted by it and don't always offer. I might say something like "would anyone else like some wine?" And then perhaps not realise that one person out of the group has not said yes.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 25-Jan-20 01:43:10

Were people getting drinks or was it a wine-on-the-table type of evening?

Horehound Sat 25-Jan-20 01:44:24

You're so keep you can't even say "and I'll have a tea please..."

Horehound Sat 25-Jan-20 01:44:37


StoppinBy Sat 25-Jan-20 02:00:46

Why didn't you just ask your husband to get you one?

Topseyt Sat 25-Jan-20 02:06:49

Of course you could have asked, especially if you had been sitting there with no drink at all for ages.

Why would asking be considered rude? Presumably people were going in and out of the room getting drinks, so why didn't you?

GiveHerHellFromUs Sat 25-Jan-20 02:15:15

I have a friend who offers me drinks in my house - she's the only person I'd be happy with doing it and I don't know why grin

You should've just asked

DisinterestedParty Sat 25-Jan-20 02:28:38

Just ask your husband, or are you not comfortable enough to ask him either. My PILs never offer either so I just help myself.

NeckPainChairSearch Sat 25-Jan-20 02:32:45

Why didn't you just ask your husband to get you one?

confused instead of the OP asking for a drink herself? Why?

Honestly OP - why are you sitting there martyring yourself without a drink? You're a grown up, she's your family, just ask for one


StoppinBy Sat 25-Jan-20 02:51:08

@NeckPain ........ why does it matter who she asks, if she feels more comfortable asking her husband than her MIL why wouldn't she do that instead?

What exactly is your problem with her asking her husband?

NeckPainChairSearch Sat 25-Jan-20 03:12:23

What exactly is your problem with her asking her husband?

Oh don't be so chippy, just because I quoted your post. I don't have 'a problem' with it.

It's common sense. Need a drink? Ask the person whose home you're in if you can have one.

Unless there's an epic drip-feed pending, there's no reason for the OP not to simply ask herself.

It's not 'rude to ask' for a drink. Why not put the OP straight on that basic point instead of suggesting that she asks for a drink via her husband?

If DH asked me to get him a drink because he couldn't ask for one himself, I'd laugh.

StoppinBy Sat 25-Jan-20 03:26:36

@NeckPain maybe so but in our circles it's pretty normal to ask your partner/husband/friend if it is their families house rather than expect the other person to feel uncomfortable.

For all we know these are the kind of people who meet up with family 3 times a year so it would make sense that they might feel rude or like they are making a pest of themselves.

I have no idea what 'don't be chippy' actually means but if you are going to disagree with someone else's opinion with a question perhaps you should in future expect them to respond to you?

In case you forgot what you wrote you can see it right ............. here............... "Why didn't you just ask your husband to get you one?" (clearly that is my quote that you picked up wink.... and your reply to my post........ "instead of the OP asking for a drink herself? Why?"

NotALurker2 Sat 25-Jan-20 04:39:14

I suffer from that kind of inexplicable social paralysis sometimes, too. But lots of people do -- that's why it's considered polite to offer. YANBU.

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