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For wanting DH to leave a job he loves for a huge pay rise?

(555 Posts)
Pollyspocketrocket Fri 24-Jan-20 12:58:45

DH works in the public sector in a senior management role. He works in a specialist field which is very much in demand, particularly in the private sector where the same type of role attracts a much higher salary. DH has been headhunted by a large private company who (following interview) have offered him a significant package including a salary increase of 68%. The employer is offering the same working hours per week, same home working arrangements for part of the week and the same annual leave allocation as DH receives with his current employer. The pension scheme is slightly less favourable but his prospective employer is offering health and life insurance which DH doesn’t currently have with his existing employer.

Since DH has been offered the job he’s now not sure he wants to take it. His argument is that money isn’t everything it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

AIBU in thinking that no one in their right mind would turn down such a large pay rise? The pay increase alone would enable us to clear our mortgage within the next few years and set ourselves up nicely for our future if we decide to have DC or alternatively, drop down our working hours in later life (I’m late 20s, DH early 30s) AIBU?

LochJessMonster Fri 24-Jan-20 13:01:17

it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

This is 100% true. No amount of money can make a horrible job worth it. When you stop enjoying going to work, you have big problems. And he'll blame you for it.

Bluddyhateful Fri 24-Jan-20 13:03:27

I was all for ‘quality of life’ but then I read your ages! If you could be mortgage free in your thirties then that is truly truly life changing. Also, he’s young enough to return to his old employer further down the line.

Now is the time to experiment and try out new things. In 10 years, if you have kids and aging parents to look after, you will not have that kind of freedom

Showershower Fri 24-Jan-20 13:04:30

Like lochjess, I totally agree with his sentiment, too:
it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

I would take a job I love over a job that pays more any day - as long as the job I love didn’t mean I was in big debt or struggling financially, etc, which doesn’t sound like your DH’s case.

Bluddyhateful Fri 24-Jan-20 13:04:36

(My last post is based on the assumption that there’s no reason to believe the new place will be full if of people and a culture he hates ...?!

Icanflyhigh Fri 24-Jan-20 13:04:48

You cannot buy job satisfaction. I left a 60k a year high powered job with lots of travel because I was tired, stressed, missed my DCs and got very little support from management.
I now work in a menial role for local govt, but work from home and I absolutely love it. My time is my own, I'm always around for the DCs and I earn enough to enjoy a good standard of living.
Money definitely isnt everything.

Showershower Fri 24-Jan-20 13:05:11

But - if he takes the new job and doesn’t love it - would his old employer take him back? If so, I’d be tempted to try!

ZorbaTheHoarder Fri 24-Jan-20 13:06:02

Hi OP,
This is a tricky one, isn't it? On the face of it, it's a no-brainer - considerably more money for similar working conditions, but is there likely to be much more pressure/expectation on your DH in the private sector, for example? Is he likely to find it hard to adjust after being in his current job a while? If he is then unhappy at work, would the extra money be worth it?
On the other hand, he is still young and might have several more career changes ahead of him, so why not seize this one with both hands?
I guess I am on the fence a bit! Good luck!

whitershadeofpale Fri 24-Jan-20 13:06:21

But he has no reason to think he won't get on well with his new team @LochJessMonster and at his age if he doesn't he still has so many opportunities to find somewhere that pays well and he enjoys.

Has he worked at his current place a long time OP? sounds like he's got comfortable and maybe isn't very ambitious. That's fine but could drive a wedge long term if you're more dynamic.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace Fri 24-Jan-20 13:06:27

Well, yes: I think you are. What price happiness?

If you'd like to clear your mortgage early, then perhaps you could look at securing a pay rise in your role blush

BlueJava Fri 24-Jan-20 13:06:31

I wouldn't try to persuade him to take it, if it doesn't go well he will blame you. It has to be his decision. If you need more money why not try and improve your position instead?

WTFdidwedo Fri 24-Jan-20 13:08:16

Does he have any reason to believe he culture and people at the new job wouldn't suit him?

Ellisandra Fri 24-Jan-20 13:09:13

It’s not your business.
His job, his choice.
If you want to pay your mortgage off quickly, or have the chance to work less hours later in life, what are you doing to make that happen?

IndecentFeminist Fri 24-Jan-20 13:09:35

I would be surprised at a chap his age not having the resilience and drive to give it a go tbh. Especially as nothing is forever. Whose to say the people in the new job won't be nice?

BarbaraofSeville Fri 24-Jan-20 13:09:59

Remember that the 68% pay rise will be quite a bit smaller than that once extra tax and possibly student loan repayments have been accounted for. Also child benefit entitlement when the time comes?

I'd also want to know if it's really the same number of hours, will the workload still be doable within standard hours or will he be expected to put extra hours in to get the job done or keep a demanding client happy? You say he doesn't currently have life insurance, but it's likely that he does as a death in service benefit as part of his pension.

I'm in a similar position and the reason I'm still here is that I know that the people who do the same job in the private sector might earn more, but they have to do more and travel more.

toomanyleggings Fri 24-Jan-20 13:10:01

I would not push him into either decision. Then you can't be blamed

Alarae Fri 24-Jan-20 13:10:02

My DH could earn more in a similar job in the private sector, but after years in a negative environment he found his current job at a charity. His mood has lifted massively and its positively affected our home life.

His old job definitely changed his personality for the worst and made him extremely negative.

I would never push him to leave for a higher paying job, as a toxic work environment will often affect the person and it will come into the home. We were close to breaking point a few times due to his negative attitude, however we are definitely a lot better together now he has a job he is happy in.

Money is great until you suffer the consequences of chasing it.

IndecentFeminist Fri 24-Jan-20 13:10:06

I wouldn't push him obviously, but I would tell him what I thought.

Pollyspocketrocket Fri 24-Jan-20 13:10:26

Thanks everyone. The role is pretty much exactly the same as the one he’s doing already, although it’d obviously take him some time to adapt to working in the private sector. I think it’s very much fear of the unknown for DH. He’s a creature of habit and doesn’t particularly like change.

strawberry2017 Fri 24-Jan-20 13:10:51

The grass isn't always greener and if he moves roles and they change the goal posts are you going to be resentful if he starts having to work longer hours?
Money isn't everything.

DontMakeMeShushYou Fri 24-Jan-20 13:11:01

Agree with LochJessMonster

YABU simply because you are wanting your DH to make potentially negative changes to his life to make positive changes to yours. And not least because your plan for the compensation he'll get for making those changes is not to let him spend it as he chooses but to spend it in the way you want. If it is important to you to pay your mortgage off early, go and find yourself a 68% pay increase.

BarbaraofSeville Fri 24-Jan-20 13:11:40

Another consideration is that his job in the public sector could be a lot more secure, depending on what it is.

I know there's been lots of cuts, but there's certain sectors where you really do have a job for life if you want it. A private sector employer sees a downturn in work, or loses a big client, and they'll be making redundancies and if he hasn't been there very long, he won't get much of a payoff.

Pollyspocketrocket Fri 24-Jan-20 13:12:36

go and find yourself a 68% pay increase

You say that as though everyone has the same opportunity and unfortunately a pay increase of that size is just not something which is going to be offered to me in the field of work I’m in.

foamrolling Fri 24-Jan-20 13:12:43

If the money is so important to YOU then YOU need to go out and earn it. He has different priorities and that's OK.

Figgygal Fri 24-Jan-20 13:12:44

Why does he think the environment won’t suit him?
You can’t stay in a job forever because you like who you work with and at his age he should take opportunities to progress while he can

But a 68% rise is huge id be careful I truly understood what their expectations are

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