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Working with a woman who weirdly lies ALL the time

(305 Posts)
Ballstothisdotcom Thu 23-Jan-20 20:54:19

I’ve worked with her for about two years and started noticing it more and more.

For example: she’ll have a call at work. I will obviously hear one side of it as we sit next to each other.

She will then repeat the contents of the call if she is asked (if it’s relevant etc) but completely makes up her side of the conversation. And as it’s none of my business I’ll sit there and think ‘erm that didn’t actually happen’.

But she has now started doing it with me. So for example recently I’ve been at home as I put my back out and she said to my colleague in front of me ‘oh poor balls was so bored she kept phoning me to keep her company’

No I didn’t!

She has met my children and made up conversations to others that she has supposedly had with them.

If I say ‘well no you didn’t actually I’m going to look like a right prick aren’t I?’ It’s bizarre and a complete non problem.

mauvaisereputation Thu 23-Jan-20 20:57:37

I went to school with someone like this. In her case I think she was deeply insecure and unhappy. I think it is worth flagging the lies about you, in case she lies about anything in future and you're not believed.

fedup21 Thu 23-Jan-20 20:59:28

I would say something at the time if she’s telling lies about you.

SisterAgatha Thu 23-Jan-20 20:59:36

My sister in law does this, she will lie even if the truth is easier. Such as what she’s put in a recipe. What film she saw at the cinema. Her holiday costs are always about £1k less than she tells us. Where she bought her daughters clothes. Who decorated her hallway.

Its madness

sadsadwoman Thu 23-Jan-20 21:02:18

My mum does this. I can't actually get it. It makes no sense. Hopefully a psychologist will come along in a minute to make sense of it.

I would call her out on it. Every damn time.

ColaFreezePop Thu 23-Jan-20 21:03:14

If she is lying about you and you are there challenge her openly. Though I suspect other people in the office know she makes things up.

roisinagusniamh Thu 23-Jan-20 21:04:04

Watching with interest

bluetongue Thu 23-Jan-20 21:04:34

Be careful OP. I have someone like this in my life. All was okay while the lies were basically harmless but she has recently ramped things up and accused me of threatening her and her family (a complete fabrication) and I’ve realised she’s actually a dangerous person.

Ballstothisdotcom Thu 23-Jan-20 21:05:19

But it’s such random weird little lies.

She’ll be on the phone having a conversation then she’ll say to someone else ‘well I gave john a piece of my mind’

What in secret?

TheNavigator Thu 23-Jan-20 21:06:16

My sister does this. It cane be unbearable and as you say, you are the one that looks weird if you call her out on such petty nonsense. I think my sis must be insecure, plus she is v competitive. I just try not to engage, but she exhausts me.

Redwoodmaz Thu 23-Jan-20 21:06:45

Is it something called confabulation?
My mother had it.....

Ballstothisdotcom Thu 23-Jan-20 21:08:14

@Redwoodmaz I’ve just read the description. Yes!!

Fannia Thu 23-Jan-20 21:08:18

I'd start keeping a journal of every time she does this with times and dates. Ok it might be completely harmless but she is saying things about you that aren't true. That could cause you a problem if she says the wrong thing.

Excited101 Thu 23-Jan-20 21:08:32

I know someone like this, I now disbelieve absolutely everything they say.

Joker123 Thu 23-Jan-20 21:08:45

My ex boss was exactly like this, I couldn’t decide if he was a complete fantasist or actually believed his own lies.
He also made up lies about previous employees.

Stay away, people like that are dangerous.

Toomuchtooyoung01 Thu 23-Jan-20 21:08:50

I would say non confrontationally "sorry what? That didnt happen?" if she starts talking nonsense about you in front of you. I would also speak to your manager to make him/her aware of the situation.
Other than that try to laugh at the ridiculousness of her storytelling.

WilheldivaHater Thu 23-Jan-20 21:11:17

I used to work with someone who did the exact same thing, drove me mad.

Once I started to call her on it, she mostly stopped. The embarrassment of being called out on a lie, especially at work, might be enough.

FineWordsForAPorcupine Thu 23-Jan-20 21:12:57

if I say ‘well no you didn’t actually I’m going to look like a right prick aren’t I?

Not at all - just keep your tone factual but puzzled sounding but call her out every time.

Her "Balls was so bored, she called me every day to chat."

You : "I didn't call you at all. I think you must be getting me confused with someone else."

Her "Babyballs and I had a really long conversation about dinosaurs yesterday."

You : "No you didn't. I don't know why you'd say that."

She will either backtrack, pretend she's joking or double down. Whatever she does, your goal is to stay calm, neutral but clear - just keep repeating that it didn't happen, it's weird she's saying it did, and you are confused as why she's saying it.

You need to make it very boring for her to engage you in her fantasy life - if you keep making yourself an unsatisfactory source of attention, she will probably start leaving you out of it.

The80sweregreat Thu 23-Jan-20 21:14:08

I Met someone who declared ' I've never been to London ' fair enough , Welsh born and bred.
Few weeks later ' I went to live aid at Wembley in the 80s'
Hmm! Some people also like to embellish the truth! White lies are ok, it's the big ones I tend to think ' problem here, I'm avoiding them '!
Others do it on order to look good.

Laiste Thu 23-Jan-20 21:14:15

Excited - I know someone like this, I now disbelieve absolutely everything they say.

Exactly! In my case it's my DM. It's been going on for years. It's more or less every time she opens her mouth, but the most recent obvious case was when she was on the phone to someone telling them about the last 2 months when she was ill and in and out of hospital. She didn't know i was nearby and listening and honestly about 60% of what she told the friend was complete bollox!! hmm

Ballstothisdotcom Thu 23-Jan-20 21:15:03

I do worry about what she maybe saying when I’m not there. Without wanting to sound paranoid i think she is trying to belittle me in the most subtle way.

goldenorbspider Thu 23-Jan-20 21:15:42

I used to be friends with someone like this. It's soo annoying. I genuinely liked her but found the constant lying really irritating. She'd tell me she's going on holiday with around 20 other girls. Gets back and forgets what's she's told me and shows me photos of her and her dad 🤷🏾‍♀️ I imagine it comes from a place of insecurity and misery

Laiste Thu 23-Jan-20 21:16:28

I've tried the calling them out on it. The result is always that they try to back up what they said, talk over you, making themselves look even more completely batshit and then get irritable and march off.

NotSorry Thu 23-Jan-20 21:20:46

I used to work for a pathalogical liar - she took me for a fool as she thought I believed her lies - she lied about EVERYTHING

I no longer work for her - enough said

JosephineDeBeauharnais Thu 23-Jan-20 21:21:03

I’m literally in the middle of a conversation on WhatsApp with a friend of mine who does this. I only know her socially but another mutual friend also knows her professionally and says she’s extremely good at her job, credible and well respected. This mutual friend can hardly bear to be around her when we’re out and Liar starts up because she’s so different.
Like PPs have said, she lies about absolutely everything but her favourite topic is her health. It’s mad and very difficult to be around.

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