Office mate free loading

[Conflicted1212]

Share an office with a new team mate and I am her manager, earning more. There are a few of us in the office This is not important, but think it is to them. Thing is whenever I go to the shop I always Ask if anyone wants things. It’s polite and the norm is for the other person to give you money for their own food/drinks etc. This person does not, claiming they don’t carry cash and will bank transfer you the money. They don’t.

Every occasion they take but never pay. Numerous Examples but few are:

Few us coming back from an early meeting. Decided to stop off at the canteen for breakfast. Office mate didn’t have any money on them. I offered to pay and pay me back later. The said person ordered a big breakfast, juice and coffee. Bit expensive, but going to pay me back. They didn’t. Got back to office and said will give bank details. Person ignored abc still ignored.

Went to meeting in the coffee shop. I bought another colleagues drink as they were going to be late. Said team mate stood awkward in queue saying forgot to bring money and was I buying other person a drink. I asked what they wanted, and they ordered an expensive drink, I paid. Other person offered me money I said ok as you got me a coffee other day. Team mate awkwardly stared at their drink, nothing said

It cracked the other day over 80p crisps. Went to shop, asked if anyone wanted something. Colleagues asked for stuff, gave me money. Teammate asked for crisps, said no money on them. I said oh well you are saving calories (fed up paying). Teammate went in a huff and commented why I can’t just get them some crisis as it’s charitable and they know they are saving for a house. I replied I am not paying for their food All the time and not a charity. They then said why ask, if not going to get them. I said was polite. I calmly explained over the 3 months I have paid £50 in coffee and food for them. when they said would pay back. The odd thing doesn’t matter, and in most instances this work themselves out (I buy a coffee them they the next etc)but it’s too much now as you never offer. They are now in a huff and saying I am mean. I should be able to pay for a few team treats as I earn more and i know they are skint. they just came back from a swanking weekend.

Thing is, I am not materialistic and buy a team breakfast or cakes in our monthly meeting. these are team treats. I went to the shop the other day without asking anyone if they wanted something and I am now being told I am rude.

How do I get them to realise that they are taking the mickey. Told them, but they seem to think it’s unreasonable. This person is very religious and young. Not too sure if it’s this or they are a freeloader!

[OldEvilOwl]

I would tell them directly that I would not be getting them anything from the shop or anywhere else until they paid back what they already owed me. Continue to offer everyone else, but they can get their own or go without

[TheQueenBeyondTheWall]

Stop offering. They know what they are doing.

You are subsidising their house deposit as your colleague is spending your money on her extra treats.

[OldEvilOwl]

Have you given them your bank details?

[SavageBeauty73]

Stop going to the shop and buy your treats before work 🤷‍♀️

[pinkyredrose]

How on earth did you let it get to £50!

[AriadnesFilament]

I’d be dealing with this as a disciplinary issue personally, since it seems from your OP that she’s doing this to other team members and not just you.

Your her manager. Manage her.

[messolini9]

FFS woman you are an adult & the team senior. Yet YOU are the common denominator in this mass CF'ery event!

I offered to pay and pay me back later.
Stop doing that - the rest will follow.

[messolini9]

How do I get them to realise that they are taking the mickey.

I find "why do you feel I should let you continue to take the mickey like this?" works well.

[56Marshmallow]

I would be saying "I'm not your Mum/Dad! If you want things for nothing, call your parents!"

[adaline]

Just stop offering to buy them anything!

[Likethebattle]

Money up front! No money, no treat!

[MintyMabel]

Does nobody ever learn anything from being on MN?

There was a post than ran for ages that's almost identical to this one.

[Fairypiggy]

What is a swanking weekend?
YANBU, I would also ask for money before getting them anything now.

[TitsInAbsentia]

Cash up front only, make it clear!

[messolini9]

They then said why ask, if not going to get them
They make a very good point.

The odd thing doesn’t matter, and in most instances this work themselves out
This is far too arbitrary & opens you to abuse, & your team to confusion & / or entitlement.
The odd thing DOES matter. Saying it does not has created this situation where you are now understandably resentful & being taken the piss out of.

Just stop doing it, lay out that you are no longer doing it, do not engage in ANY discussion or justify your reasoning.

And stop being their mum, be their manager.

[FourDecades]

@MintyMabel - never did find out the outcome on that one

[puds11]

@Fairypiggy, sexy wanking obviously

Stop offering. If they actually cared about paying they’d have brought cash in themselves to do it.

[brassbrass]

You're overthinking this to even post about it.

You're right usually it evens itself out because everyone takes it turns or pays back immediately. This person is expecting you to subsidise their life and this is totally unacceptable. Your higher salary has nothing to do with it.

[MulticolourMophead]

Yes, this CF knows what they are doing. And if they are routinely doiong this to others in the team, too, it needs dealing with. You can't have someone in the team who is happy to do others out of money.

You've got to put your manager hat on now, and make it clear that freeloading has to stop. They pay up what they owe, and no more stuff from, the shops without money up front. Let your other team members know, so they don't get sucked into buying stuff or lending money.

[messolini9]

I went to the shop the other day without asking anyone if they wanted something and I am now being told I am rude.

You SERIOSULY need to toughen up OP.
"OK Junior, how about you send me a business case - written in your own time please - detailing why a colleague should be paying for your food?
We can then maybe discuss why you are not budgeting your salary well enough to buy your own lunch. You do realise you are here to earn money, not food, don't you?"

[messolini9]

or even 'SERIOUSLY' !

[Conflicted1212]

I have said to her I am not doing it anymore. She hasn’t done this to others I know of. The asking if anyone would wants food from a shop is nothing to do with being her boss, it’s just polite. It’s also not disciplinary matter as it’s not performance or capacity related. She is just rude or entitled.

It got to so much as a team we sometimes go for food together. It’s awkward sitting there eating whilst they stare. Suppose I am a soft touch there as I won’t see others starve. This has now stopped team food bonding.

I have had a word, pointing out it’s stopped food bonding and they don’t see what is wrong. It’s now got to the point we don’t go out for lunch or offer to fetch snacks for each other. It’s a shame someone has ruined a good environment.

[misspiggy19]

They are now in a huff and saying I am mean. I should be able to pay for a few team treats as I earn more and i know they are skint. they just came back from a swanking weekend.

^Unbeliveable. Entitlement at its finest. You need to stop buying them stuff. Now they know, I would cover your back and maybe inform your manager about the situation. The colleague may well turn nasty and make up some nonsense bullying accusation about you.

[cushioncovers]

Why are you asking everyone if they want anything from the shop? Just go to the shop without asking. Sorry but it's really that easy.

[puds11]

Eh? Why has it stopped it? Just let her sit there. She’ll soon stump up for her own food. Don’t see why everyone else should stop eating that’s just weird.