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To say I was married?

(56 Posts)
itchytits123 Thu 23-Jan-20 11:44:58

I've never been into lying, I lack the imagination and CBA. However I split from an eighteen year relationship nearly two years ago and I've been pretty much single since.

I think it would be much easier to describe myself as divorced, even though it isn't strictly true. We have children and we shared property. It makes me feel less silly for being with someone all those years without ever being married to them.

AIBU to refer to myself (informally and casually) as a divorcee? Explaining feels too exposing at the moment.

CtrlU Thu 23-Jan-20 11:47:56

Well sorry but yes it’s unreasonable as you were not married so therefore your not divorced - so you can’t be a divorcee confused

CtrlU Thu 23-Jan-20 11:48:39

Also it was almost two years ago so why would you need to refer to yourself as anything other than single OP ? x

itchytits123 Thu 23-Jan-20 11:49:23

I suppose because my children are so young, it makes it feel all the more ridiculous after eighteen years!

UndomesticHousewife Thu 23-Jan-20 11:50:08

Most people who were married but split up just say they're single they don't call themselves a divorcee. So just say you're single and if asked further say you have come out of a very long term relationship.

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze Thu 23-Jan-20 11:50:38

I think you are overthinking this! I’d just tell the truth! There’s no shame in not having been married. That was what happened but now you’re moving on.

itchytits123 Thu 23-Jan-20 11:50:47


That's good to know. Thanks smile

MsChatterbox Thu 23-Jan-20 11:51:11

I wouldn't do it. Starts any potential relationships off on a lie.

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze Thu 23-Jan-20 11:51:18

Also i agree with op - I’m divorced but never say “I’m a divorcee” to people. Sounds old fashioned to me!

Success1986 Thu 23-Jan-20 11:51:42

Dont feel silly you weren't married nothing to be ashamed of. Id go with single its good you weren't married at this stage as you are now broke up. Also means Mr Right could come along and will be your first and last wedding x

itchytits123 Thu 23-Jan-20 11:52:20


Thank you, that's very kind of you. I feel like a freak sometimes!

itchytits123 Thu 23-Jan-20 11:53:47


Thank you 🙂 you're all making me feel much better x

SunshineAngel Thu 23-Jan-20 11:57:05

I think getting married is really special, and getting married to someone else when it's both your first marriage is even better - so lying pointlessly would take that away when you meet someone else.

FreshGreenBeans Thu 23-Jan-20 11:58:42

I agree with the others, absolutely nothing silly about not having been married whatsoever. I was divorced in my early thirties and wished the opposite 😁

Single after a LTR is the truth and nothing to have any issues with. If you say divorced, you may well end up in a conversation about the shitty legal process and admin side of it all, and then you might look odd for having to backtrack and explain you weren't!

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 23-Jan-20 11:58:55

Who are you saying this to?

Did you want to get married and he didn’t?

itchytits123 Thu 23-Jan-20 12:01:56

@SunshineAngel that would be lovely but unlikely for me now as I'm 43 with two young children!

itchytits123 Thu 23-Jan-20 12:03:56


He didn't ask until we had been together well over a decade. He only asked because I pressured him. We got engaged but the wedding never happened as kids and his mother got in the way.

SunshineAngel Thu 23-Jan-20 12:06:31

@itchytits123 Never say never! One of my friends has just got married at 52 to a lovely man, she has 3 (albeit teenage) children, and she's never been happier smile.

Beau2020x Thu 23-Jan-20 12:07:41

I don't really know anyone who IS divorced call themselves a 'divorcee'...?? I know divorced people that call themselves separated or most commonly - single. Stick with either of those - you aren't actually divorced and no-one would judge you for being with someone and not married...

embarrasing Thu 23-Jan-20 12:10:06

I'm married, but separated for 3 years and I say I'm single 😊

onanothertrain Thu 23-Jan-20 12:10:30

Could you not just say separated?
I'm divorced and have never referred to myself as a divorcee.

itchytits123 Thu 23-Jan-20 12:10:56

Ok maybe 'divorcee' is a bit naff! I've spending too much time in American Facebook groups clearly!

I just meant saying I was divorced in dating profiles, that kind of thing, without getting into a long description of my long- term-engaged but not married- ex relationship!

FromthePinkGlitterySide Thu 23-Jan-20 12:11:45

Just a quick note to say my Mom is 67. She has always had relationships with men who were basically wankers and three years ago she met a man who is amazing. They are so incredibly happy and always flying off on holiday to lovely places. He proposed last week. Never too late wink

TheMustressMhor Thu 23-Jan-20 12:15:49

Crumbs - just say you're single, OP.

I think you're overthinking this.

Nobody (in casual conversation) will expect anything like the long and convoluted explanation you've got in your head.

Obviously you can explain the situation in depth with a new man, if the time seems right.

FromthePinkGlitterySide Thu 23-Jan-20 12:16:17

Also, to answer your actual question grin Absolutely nothing wrong with saying single. You could say you separated a year or however long ago if that felt better?

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