I have two stepdaughters (both mid 20s) and two children of my own (both teenagers). When we go out for meals, my husband and I pay for all of the children and the stepdaughters’ boyfriends. Last year we paid for the eldest daughter and boyfriend to come on holiday with us and paid for all their meals. The younger stepdaughter didn’t want to come but has a boyfriend now and has said to my husband that she and her boyfriend want to come on holiday with us as they are saving for a house and wouldn’t be able to afford a holiday by themselves.... her boyfriend doesn’t work and makes joking comments that he is ‘too busy on his xbox to get a job’. Not sure how they will be able to get a house. They’ve been together 6 months and he hasn’t worked for 2 years...he’s 23. Obviously, he never offers money toward the bill if we go out. The eldest daughter’s boyfriend does sometimes offer but my husband never takes it. Now my daughter always asks to bring her boyfriend for meals and of course, we pay for him. So this is 6 extra people we are paying for. I’m thinking my youngest child will have a partner soon so that will be 8 extra people. My husband got a very well paid job last year and it has been nice to treat the family but we need to save money for a bigger house. We can’t really afford to take everybody on holiday this year. But how do we pull back?? I feel we have set a precedence that we will always pay for meals and that paid holidays for everyone is on the table. Surely if we ask them out for meals, how can we then expect them to pay?? Granted, we could just not go out for meals but our house is tiny and we don’t have the capacity to have everyone round comfortably. I’ve been worrying about this for weeks as like I said, we really need to rein in our spending to save for a new house but I just don’t know how to word it to them. How can we now change something that we started?? Would really welcome practical advice as to what to say to everyone.
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AIBU?
AIBU to want to stop paying for adult children and their partners?
196 replies
Picklepepper30 · 23/01/2020 10:04
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
828 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
6%
You are NOT being unreasonable
94%
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