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DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

(1000 Posts)
Twirlywirlywurly Thu 23-Jan-20 09:21:53

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!


DesLynamsMoustache Thu 23-Jan-20 09:23:07


Oh OP. I think you know already this isn't good sad

onalongsabbatical Thu 23-Jan-20 09:24:05

What? Run away now. What a bastard. Jesus, really?

spongejack Thu 23-Jan-20 09:24:29

Do not have a child with this man, he's bloody awful.

williams345 Thu 23-Jan-20 09:24:31

I'm sorry but WTF
Is he joking ?? If I was him I would just pay it for you
He's a massive twat

Amys136 Thu 23-Jan-20 09:24:35

I would take the loan if he insists on interest. I’d also discuss what would happen if you did go on mat leave.

If you aren’t happy with him answer then lease or whatever you think is best and he’ll just have to put up with it

Suewiththeredford Thu 23-Jan-20 09:24:38

Watching with interestsad

NataliaOsipova Thu 23-Jan-20 09:24:44

Your husband has emailed you a spreadsheet with loan repayments.....??? No, YANBU.

SundayMorningSun Thu 23-Jan-20 09:24:46

Nope, not good. Sorry.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Thu 23-Jan-20 09:24:49

It sounds like he values his money more than he values you, I'm afraid.

HulksPurplePanties Thu 23-Jan-20 09:25:11

Why the fuck did you marry this guy?

Wishforsnow Thu 23-Jan-20 09:25:28

Do not have children with this man!

Parkandride Thu 23-Jan-20 09:25:38

You're married. His approach is bat shit to me. I'd buy my husband a car in that position, then perhaps discuss how we grow our joint savings together

williams345 Thu 23-Jan-20 09:25:56

Do not start a family
Take him money and leave him 😂

MCBerberLoop Thu 23-Jan-20 09:26:26

I hope you have a complex spreadsheet detailing what you will be charging him for the use of your body during pregnancy, compensation for risk to health/physical damage, loss of earnings, pensions contributions etc and that he has a plan detailing the parental leave he will take and the changes to his job to facilitate 50:50 care as obviously you’ll have to go back to work full time so you are never dependent on this tightwad?

WalkingOutOfFlabbiness Thu 23-Jan-20 09:27:04

Don’t have a baby with this hideous skinflint unless you have sat down and worked through the expenses. He doesn’t get to keep his salary whilst you exist on mat pay, he will try to get you to pay for everything. He need to work out if he loves you or money - what if you were ill for a few years? Would that be you on baked beans whilst he squirrelled cash away? Life is long and variable - your finances should show you are a team

Yabadee Thu 23-Jan-20 09:27:16

Wtf, I’d tell him to do one and get the car on your own using one of your first options.

With that kind of money in the bank he should be buying you a car outright.

Don’t have kids with him. Will he charge you interest and make you pay back everything you use to pay for baby things?

Teenangels Thu 23-Jan-20 09:27:22

As you are married that money would also be considered yours. I can’t believe one that he would not say go and get a car as it would be both our asset and two that he is so controlling and see your marriage as a business arrangement.
I would be telling him to stick the money where it shines and that as our money is separate I will not discuss this further and apply for a business lease or loan.
Is he this controlling about everything else OP?

BemidjiMinnesota Thu 23-Jan-20 09:27:58

He can't have it both ways; if he says your debt would be his then his savings would be yours. Your finances are either separate or they're together, he's just cherry picking the parts he wants.

But obviously he's a miserly knob and who'd want to be married to that?

FishCanFly Thu 23-Jan-20 09:28:04

DON'T have kids with him...

Ginfordinner Thu 23-Jan-20 09:28:15

He is a financially controlling bully. DH earns more than me, but we are a partnership and have shared finances.

Sicario Thu 23-Jan-20 09:28:26

What an arsehole.

Haworthia Thu 23-Jan-20 09:28:28

This isn’t normal.

Think very hard before you have kids with him.

He will have no concept of family money. He will resent having to shoulder the expenses of children. He’ll probably draw up another spreadsheet detailing the things he’s willing to pay for, and the things you will have to pay for, whether you’re working or not.

I knew a married couple where the man was financially abusive. The man paid the mortgage and utilities alone, and the woman had to pay for everything else (food, baby things) out of her savings and child benefit. She wasn’t even working. Imagine having to scrape and struggle when your husband earns a good salary - he just won’t allow you to touch his precious money?

They divorced in the end.

SoulStarS Thu 23-Jan-20 09:28:39


No OP. You’re married. Partners in life. He’s not your bank FFS. Cheek of it.

Disfordarkchocolate Thu 23-Jan-20 09:29:03

Next thing he'll be asking you to save so that you can cover your share of the outings while on maternity leave while conveniently forgetting that you being home means BOTH of you don't pay childcare. I'd put a car through the business, surely there's a way of making that tax-efficient for you?

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