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In laws not coming to my 50th party

(95 Posts)
WorkHardPlayHard1 Wed 22-Jan-20 22:56:04

Aibu to be upset as my inlaws have told my partner (not me) they are not coming to my party as minding the favoured sons child on the night (who have a pre-arranged do & aren't coming either) i have given them 8 weeks notice. Have been married 20 years to their child and known them 23 years. Everyone else seems to be able to get a babysitter? hmmComments please...

1Morewineplease Wed 22-Jan-20 22:58:10

You said that they had a pre-arranged do. Do you want them all to unarrange it all for you?

TriangularRatbag Wed 22-Jan-20 22:59:28

Do you actually want them there? I'd rather have a party with people I like.

CherryPavlova Wed 22-Jan-20 23:00:26

Good gracious. You’re an adult and it’s one birthday of many. They had something else on. Why is it an issue even?

Redshoeblueshoe Wed 22-Jan-20 23:01:03

Wow your Bil certainly gets his babysitting booked in early shock

Kinneddar Wed 22-Jan-20 23:01:27

I dont intend going to my SIL 50th birthday.
I dont know any of her friends. The only people I'll know are her, my brother and their children, all of who will be too busy on the night to spend much time with me. I also hate parties.

We'll probably go out for dinner though as a family and I'll be buying her something nice but I don't feel any guilt at missing her party

Realistically is it going to make any difference to the night if theyre not there?

LittleLongDog Wed 22-Jan-20 23:02:37

’You said that they had a pre-arranged do. Do you want them all to unarrange it all for you?’

I’m assuming the OP just wants them to use a babysitter and not the ILs so that the ILs can go to the party.

But, OP, did they also prearrange for the ILs to be babysitting? If so, then they’re not really being U.

sweeneytoddsrazor Wed 22-Jan-20 23:03:13

So they had already agreed to baby sit for their other child and then you invited them to your birthday. Which they have declined as they have a prior arrangement. What is wrong with that

Tfgjiknfr Wed 22-Jan-20 23:03:42

i think you are being a little unreasonable. Some kids can’t be left with just anyone and if they had already committed to the date then it’s not unreasonable that they want to stick with it.
If you want them their you could rearrange your birthday party.

I guess you weren’t inviting your brother-in-law?

katy1213 Wed 22-Jan-20 23:03:45

If you're 50, they must be pushing 80. Fair enough if they don't want to be at your party. Anyway, they have a prior commitment to babysit for their son who has a long-standing engagement. They are quite right to stand by that agreement.

positivepixie Wed 22-Jan-20 23:03:56

Your BIL has already accepted a different invitation. Assuming your in laws are the only babysitters available for BIL then YABU. Someone got their invitation out before you did and the in laws are booked for babysitting. Not sure the in laws coming to your 50th is that big an issue? Sounds like you're picking a fight.

Tfgjiknfr Wed 22-Jan-20 23:04:04

There* not their

livefornaps Wed 22-Jan-20 23:07:28

Just leave them alone! You sound like a complete busy body.

HollowTalk Wed 22-Jan-20 23:10:00

Blimey, the knives are out on AIBU tonight.

FrenchBoule Wed 22-Jan-20 23:10:30

YANBU OP and I don’t get why are you getting such a hard time here.
Accept their decision and move on,have a good time at your party.

Redglitter Wed 22-Jan-20 23:16:30

Wow your Bil certainly gets his babysitting booked in early

Isnt that what people usually do? When my nieces were little my parents would have babysitting bookings months in advance. As soon as my Brother got wind of an event hed check my parents were free

WorkHardPlayHard1 Wed 22-Jan-20 23:24:44

Thanks for your comments but sort of think a one off birthday party is more special than a meal out? PILs didnt realise they were babysitting until they mentioned the party to their son? Other son always gets his own way so it feels like the cherry on the cake! sad

Mistlewoeandwhine Wed 22-Jan-20 23:30:21

YANBU it is hurtful. Just don’t go to their important events if it doesn’t suit you, from now on.

Davros Wed 22-Jan-20 23:33:39

It's not as if your 50th was a surprise. They must have known and could have checked if you were planning anything special. I think it should come before some random dinner the BIL is going to. He should have realised in advance too. YANBU

Whoops75 Wed 22-Jan-20 23:35:08


Big birthdays aren’t special to anyone but the person celebrating.

BillHadersNewWife Wed 22-Jan-20 23:35:21

Have you plenty of other people coming? I know if it were me I'd be very upset as I only have a tight friendship group...v small and some in other cities.

If there's others...then bugger the inlaws! Who cares! If not, could you rearrange the night?

scubadive Wed 22-Jan-20 23:38:22

Golly op, there’s some nastiness on here tonight, must be a full moon.

Of course a 50th is a very significant birthday. Of course PIL should come and tell other son to get a babysitter and brother should probably come too.

Yes people should alter trivial plans for a big birthday. Yes the op will have other birthdays but only ever one 50th and nice kind people make a fuss of others on their birthdays.

Not on here though, I think some people maybe never had a party as a child or have no friends to celebrate their own birthdays so lash out on her if anyone mentions a birthday and god forbid you should mention a lack of gift or insulting gift that might cause you upset. Then you should just smile and be grateful you have air to breath as some people are dead.

Mumsnet used to be a nice supportive place but some women like to kick others when their down.

WorkHardPlayHard1 Wed 22-Jan-20 23:38:31

Yes got more people coming 50+ who are less close and can come which is why am a bit hurt! I cant rearrange birthday party but sort of thinking am just not that important to that side of family! Ouch x

YummyChipCurryDip Wed 22-Jan-20 23:39:02

I don't think I'd be all that bothered. I've been married over 30 years and never even seen in laws on my birthday let alone had them at a birthday party. They'd be welcome of course but I tend to go out with a group of friends to celebrate rather than have a 'party'. I don't really like adult birthday parties, neither having them or attending them.

Ponoka7 Wed 22-Jan-20 23:40:59

Could the children not come for a bit and be put to bed in yours? Or your PILs come with them and leave when necessary?

Your DH needs to tell them straight, then just leave them to it.

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