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DH doesn't want to fly with me to visit my family

(247 Posts)
happychange Wed 22-Jan-20 20:45:44

My family live the other side of the world, think Australia way. I'm having baby no 2 soon, and taking a year out for Mat leave. I would love for our two kids to spend an extended time back home with my family, over 1-2 months, while I have the time.

I did this and flew solo on my own with DC1, but a bit hesitant to fly solo on my own with 2 kids.

I mentioned this to DH and asked if he could fly with me in Dec say to help with the two kids on a flight, and then come back in February to pick us up again. He would of course have a couple of weeks in a hot summer weather as well.

He scoffed at this suggestion, and asked if I could ask my family instead to do it. At which point, I got a bit annoyed - why on earth, if he can't be arsed to do it, would someone in my family want to do it??

AIBU to expect him to do this? Or should I fly solo again with the two kids? Or ask my family to help?

FWIW, I'm 34 weeks pregnant and he's been home late from work every night this past two weeks, which has also annoyed me no end. He's not around to help with DC1, so this latest comment has made me wonder why I don't just go solo and do it all alone.

Babymamamama Wed 22-Jan-20 20:49:39

I don't really see why it's his job to chaperone you there. This seems totally your idea and plan not his. It also seems very expensive to have a person fly around the world to then fly back again. I think if I really wanted to do this I would try to get there under my own steam on the assumption my parents would help out a lot after arrival.

Finfintytint Wed 22-Jan-20 20:54:25

You expect him to be there for the flights? No, if you want to go then go. I’d be a bit pissed off if I was there purely as a travel companion.

CheddarGorgeous Wed 22-Jan-20 20:55:16

Sorry, but it's madness to make someone take 4 long haul flights just because you think you might not cope. It's a plane ride, not Everest. It won't be fun but it's perfectly manageable.

OoohTheStatsDontLie Wed 22-Jan-20 20:56:26

Would he do one way and HSBC s holiday there? Would your parents then do half way back with you eg holiday in Thailand? How old is your eldest? I think its unreasonable not to go one way with you, and stay there for a bit. When your partners family live abroad you've got to accept you will be spending at least some of your holiday visiting them.

OoohTheStatsDontLie Wed 22-Jan-20 20:56:49

HSBC = have

SquashedFlyBiscuit Wed 22-Jan-20 20:56:50

I think ots a bit crazy for him to fly over just to fky back again.

Was he meaning couldnt your family visit... and cant they?

Do you want to be away from your husbamd for 2 months with a new baby!?

Bananacloud Wed 22-Jan-20 20:57:23

I think as your husband and the father of your children he should do what he can to help you.

sweeneytoddsrazor Wed 22-Jan-20 20:57:50

Totally unreasonable

aroundtheworldyet Wed 22-Jan-20 20:58:42

Why did you have a second child with a man like this.
He doesn’t want to come on holiday to Australia with you. He doesn’t care if you’re off for 2 months!?
I mean why do women endlessly have children with men who just don’t seem that fussed about them

Lailaha Wed 22-Jan-20 20:59:16

Completely unreasonable. You don't think your family can be arsed to help, but you assume he'll automatically want to take two long haul return flights in two months so you can have your jollies? (Visiting your family isn't a holiday/treat for him) Clearly, you are loaded if you think this is a sensible idea, so I'm not surprised he's working long hours either confused

bettybattenburg Wed 22-Jan-20 21:00:02

It's unreasonable to expect him to do that, both from the practical point of view, the financial point of view and the environmental point of view. It's going to add about 5k to the cost for economy seats with reserved seats of your choice. If you want to go there you really need to do it on your own but staying for 1-2 months when he can't see his children is quite unfair too.

CottonSock Wed 22-Jan-20 21:01:12

I wouldn't fancy that very much to be honest

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily Wed 22-Jan-20 21:01:14

It sounds like you have bigger problems that a flight to your family, tbh.

SD1978 Wed 22-Jan-20 21:01:15

Does he not want to use his holiday time this way, is there something he'd rather do? Would he rather take time off at the birth? One way and a few weeks annual leave is reasonable, but both ways is a bit crap. Any reason he doesn't want to go? Does he not like flying?

sweeneytoddsrazor Wed 22-Jan-20 21:01:27

He doesn’t want to come on holiday to Australia with you. He doesn’t care if you’re off for 2 months!?

Or he is happy for his wife to visit her family (rightly so) but doesn't want to do 4 long haul flights (also ok)

Fidgety31 Wed 22-Jan-20 21:01:31

I’m sure you are quite capable of flying with two children . Plenty of other people manage to do it .
You will have kids for the rest of your life - do you always expect some one gone there to help you ?

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 22-Jan-20 21:01:39

That sounds like a bit of a mad idea tbh and you’re getting upset about his refusal rather than the day to day stuff where he’s letting you down. Focus on that, not pitching in with DC1, never being home etc. Don’t add to your stress by talking about stuff that’s ages away and doesn’t need your attention for now.

Durgasarrow Wed 22-Jan-20 21:01:41

I don't think it's fair to ask him to fly to Australia just to keep you company on a flight! If he's going to have a holiday as well, that's one thing, but not just to hold a baby.

katy1213 Wed 22-Jan-20 21:02:00

If you want to go, go without him. The baby will be portable and even if it's hell, it's only 24 hours. Why would he want to fly across the world to see your family?

Sciurus83 Wed 22-Jan-20 21:02:27

Errr that's crazy! Sure if he's coming for a family holiday but you wouldn't seriously expect him to fly out again to pick you up and fly home a couple months later?! The expense, and go on I'll be the first one to mention the CO2 emissions for an unnecessary flight to Australia no less, the time for him, the jet lag. Yeah you need to bring them back yourself. Team DH!

Nicknacky Wed 22-Jan-20 21:02:40

So your husband doesn’t see his kids for 1-2 months, and one a newborn? What does he think of that?

And it’s maleness to expect him to accompany you on a flight. If you can’t manage, don’t go when they are so young.

2020newme Wed 22-Jan-20 21:02:46

YABU - he doesn't want to do it. Most of us wouldn't want to make that flight four times just to keep someone company.....

Why do you think you need him on the flights? Just go on your own and have a great time.

Strawberrypancakes Wed 22-Jan-20 21:07:09

Honestly, I’m a bit confused... you want to go with a toddler and a young baby and can’t face the flight so want him to accompany you on both? Of you want an extended stay but for him to come at the beginning and end of it?

I wouldn’t be joyful at this unless you are loaded and can afford business... can you not do the flights alone? I’ve had a difficult child but managed two 13 hours with her and survived, and it actually wasn’t as bad as I was imagining.

MaggieFS Wed 22-Jan-20 21:07:15

I can see why you want help, but to want to do such a trip with one, never mind two children, you have to really want to go, so I completely understand why he doesn't! YABU to expect him to.

Could he come with you outbound for his holiday, and you either come home alone, or bring someone from your family back who could then have a holiday over this way.

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