to be angry DH has ruined our sex life because of ED?

[thesparrowflieshigh]

He's had it really since we met 18 years ago but I was young and in love and thought we'd get past it. He probably manages a decent erection 10% of the time and the other times we manage it with a semi erection. This is pretty much always in the missionary position as he doesn't like trying anything new because of the ED. He also wants to start intercourse as soon as he is hard enough to enter me so foreplay is very limited. I've sort of gone along with this for years and as I can orgasm pretty easily when I fantasise a lot. However, recently my sex drive has just died and I am left feeling resentful towards DH that he can't just relax and get a normal erection. It also makes me feel rubbish and undesirable There is nothing wrong medically. He has had Viagra which works but only takes it every now and then. I really don't know how to move forward from here. In other aspects of our relationship we are a great match and I wouldn't leave him over this. I am just really sad that this part of me has been taken away.

[AryaStarkWolf]

I voted YANBU because he could use Viagra but doesn't (or rarely)

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

It hasn't been taken away because you never had it.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Assuming the ED isn't self inflicted by lifestyle, this isn't his fault. Did he keep it from you til the wedding night? Because otherwise you went into this knowingly.
Of this was a guy saying the wife has endometriosis so sex is painful so we do it very rarely and only in one position etc and I'm angry at her cos I want better sex, what wodo you think the response would be?

[Bluntness100]

Why doesn't he take his viagra?

[Darkstar4855]

YABU to think it’s as simple as “relaxing”. It’s an incredibly complex psychological thing to overcome.

Would he consider counselling?

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

Is Viagra something you can take a lot of?

[AryaStarkWolf]

It hasn't been taken away because you never had it.

How do you know she never had it? Just because she never had it with him doesn't mean she never had it before him

[Zilla1]

To try and be helpful, he might want to discuss with his primary care practitioner/GP whether tadalafil/cialis might suit his/your circumstances better than viagra. in some circumstances, better for spontaneity and can have more effect for some users.

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

How do you know she never had it? Just because she never had it with him doesn't mean she never had it before him

She's talking about her husband who has always had it. She knew he had it from day one by the sounds of things.

[Notthebloodygym]

I don't see that his issues should prevent him making efforts to satisfy you, so I think you should talk to him about that. You'll need to persist in discussing it if he tried to dodge the issue, as your request is reasonable. It's just possible he doesn't know.

That may help a lot. If it doesn't, then you may benefit from a Relate counsellor, or similar. Lots of people do.

[AryaStarkWolf]

She's talking about her husband who has always had it. She knew he had it from day one by the sounds of things.

What she said is "this part of me has been taken away" she's talking about herself and a part of herself (ie good sex)

[Oblomov20]

I think people are being very harsh and unfair to OP.
What about just dealing with the facts as they are now?

[Bluntness100]

Well goggle says you can take viagra daily safely,

So ..

[thesparrowflieshigh]

I did have a good sex life prior to DH, unfortunately with men who were incompatible in other ways. DH only takes the Viagra when the ED is really bad as I think he thinks he does a pretty good job with a semi erection.

[Justmuddlingalong]

I don't know that he's ruined it. 18 years ago the problem existed and optimism kept you together. It wasn't so much a problem then as it seems to be now. Why after 18 years of an unfulfilling sex life are you angry?

[Bluntness100]

Ok, then why are you not communicating with him that he isn't? How can you be angry with him for thinking he's doing a good job if you've not told him he's not?

[WTF99]

I think id be cross that he's not taking the the viagra if that works, but he can't really help having ED can he?

[recrudescence]

I am left feeling resentful towards DH that he can't just relax and get a normal erection

Imagine if a man said something similar about his wife’s vaginismus.

[andthentherewere6ladiesdancing]

Viagra is expensive and you don't get it prescribed on nhs unless you have something medically wrong. Maybe this is the reason for not taking it often?

[PegasusReturns]

Fucking hell @draughtycatflap aren’t you a delight

[Whatsnewpussyhat]

he thinks he does a pretty good job with a semi erection

You've let him think he does?

[WTF99]

Oh right.....he thinks you're ok with his 'semi' performance because you haven't said anything.
Bit unfair to be cross with him then isnt it

[Berrymuch]

Ouch a tricky one, it's not his fault and by the sound of it you haven't ever told him that you are not satisfied with his semi- but I can see why you haven't as you dont want to upset him. But if it's causing resentment (unfairly imo) then maybe you need to have a conversation about it, as awkward as that might be. If he is willing to take Viagra then he is thinking of you both.