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To be annoyed at hubby and "new girl?"

(228 Posts)
MerryPoppins86 Mon 20-Jan-20 22:20:53

Name changed for this. So hubby office shares informally with a friend when he needs to do some admin (admittedly he can't do anything at the office that he can't do at home - but not the point). A new girl started work for his friends business, 19 years old. When she started all I heard was "x is so clever, x is so funny, x is so good at her job, x has such a lovely telephone voice, x is so nice" and so on and so forth. Irked me a bit at the time but didn't say anything and didn't give it much more thought. Since she's started he's been spending more and more time there, whenever I ring him he seems to be there. Made a point of saying he seems to be there a lot and he brushed it off. Fast forward to now, he's on his phone showing me something and a message flashes up from her. I didn't even know they'd exchanged numbers. I asked to see the message thread and he reluctantly showed me, saying he shouldn't have to. It was all pretty innocent tbh but still I'm annoyed. He says they only exchanged numbers for business reasons as she helps him with some admin sometimes. However he had given his personal number and not his business number. The messages were not business related. Something feels off about it for me and he thinks I'm being unreasonable to be annoyed and it's purely innocent. Something tells me he wouldn't be creating a "friendship" with her if she wasn't a pretty, slim blonde. Thoughts please. Be kind confused

lazyspoon Mon 20-Jan-20 22:22:57

YANBU, it wouldn't sit right with me either.

Sexnotgender Mon 20-Jan-20 22:24:13

Mentionitis.

CakeandCustard28 Mon 20-Jan-20 22:24:38

YANBU. I wouldn’t be happy either.

NoSauce Mon 20-Jan-20 22:24:41

How old is he? He’s got mentionitis. Sounds like he likes her I’m afraid OP.

Thestrangestthing Mon 20-Jan-20 22:24:42

Well he clearly fancies her.

Frenchw1fe Mon 20-Jan-20 22:26:12

No fool like an old fool. He's wallowing in the attention.
She's 19, how old is he?

wowfudge Mon 20-Jan-20 22:26:43

He fancies her and she's being nice to him because he's her boss's mate. If they exchanged numbers for business, why has he given her his personal number? Ask him outright. How old is your husband?

Wearywithteens Mon 20-Jan-20 22:26:46

He’s got a little crush I think. This needs to be nipped in the bud before it develops into something more. Time to make a stand.

midnightmisssuki Mon 20-Jan-20 22:26:55

He fancies her. You now have his guard up and you’ve shown distrust by demanding to check his phone. Might be innocent but if not, he will now hide it.

Winterwoollies Mon 20-Jan-20 22:26:58

How old is your husband? I’d say he’s a bit smitten with this young, pretty girl. Especially if she’s giving him attention. But that does not necessarily mean he’s going to do something physically, not that that doesn’t mean his current behaviour isn’t totally shit to his wife.

NameChangeNugget Mon 20-Jan-20 22:27:17

Doesn’t sound good

babybrain77 Mon 20-Jan-20 22:27:58

I would also be annoyed, its completely inappropriate. And he must know it. I'm not sure how I'd approach dealing with it other than to let him know that you think it's strange and makes you uncomfortable- that should be enough for him to stop!

MerryPoppins86 Mon 20-Jan-20 22:28:17

He's 31, I'm 32. It just feels iffy to me and he just keeps saying it's not like that and I'm making something out of nothing. I've never had any reason to doubt him or mistrust him in our 8 years of marriage so this has thrown me a bit.

Horehound Mon 20-Jan-20 22:28:57

Uh oh this would be ringing alarms bells for me.
He may even deny it not realising what he's doing but it will soon escalate..

CakeandCustard28 Mon 20-Jan-20 22:30:40

Your not making something out of nothing. If he didn’t fancy her he wouldn’t mention her so much let alone the phone number. Nip it in the bud before it escalates op.

MerryPoppins86 Mon 20-Jan-20 22:33:03

I have told him that it doesn't sit right and it makes me uncomfortable, he kind of said "okay but it shouldn't" or something along those lines. We kind of left the conversation unfinished because I didn't really know how to react. Not sure how to bring it up again now without sounding obsessive.

MerryPoppins86 Mon 20-Jan-20 22:35:02

@midnightmisssuki I agree, wish I handled it differently but in the moment I wanted to see what I was dealing with before he had a chance to delete anything.

Eastie77 Mon 20-Jan-20 22:37:02

How exactly does OP "nip it in the bud"? Genuinely interested as I often see this advice on MN when an OP complains their DH is showing an inappropriate interest in another woman but never really understand what it means.

Is OP supposed to ban her DH from speaking to, mentioning or seeing this woman? Does this kind of "nipping in the bud" prevent someone from cheating?

CmdrCressidaDuck Mon 20-Jan-20 22:38:45

I'd make fun of him for how pathetic he is crushing on a teenager.

MerryPoppins86 Mon 20-Jan-20 22:40:07

@Eastie77 curious on this too. Forbidding him to speak to her or see her feels a bit controlling. But if I'm being honest that's what I'd like him to do as it's unsettled me. And then what if he continues behind my back? New territory for me confused

williams345 Mon 20-Jan-20 22:40:55

I wouldn't have none of it op

ShawshanksRedemption Mon 20-Jan-20 22:43:49

I'd ask him how he would feel if you mentioned a younger (and fit!) man quite a bit, and he then txt you of an evening.

There might be absolutely nothing between them other than him feeling attraction, and of course we don't stop being attracted to others, even when married. But I wouldn't find it appropriate and I wonder if he would if the shoe was on the other foot.

Amanduh Mon 20-Jan-20 22:45:40

If he’s going to do anything, he’ll do it anyway.

bananafish Mon 20-Jan-20 22:46:40

She's 19. He needs to have a word with himself.
It's just pathetic and inappropriate for a man in his 30's to be mooning over a teenager. Perhaps pointing out the cold reality that she's not going to be interested in an old (in her eyes) married man and is only being polite for the sake of it might bring him to his senses.

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