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To think most people would end a relationship over this?

(47 Posts)
Drowningmysorroes Mon 20-Jan-20 21:21:01

Friend told me she had a huge row with partner and then got so angry that she picked up something to throw at him ... but instead punched a wall.

Then when I saw them 2 days after the incident all was fine?

Am I overreacting to think that’s not healthy?

DollyDoneMore Mon 20-Jan-20 21:22:02

Extremely unhealthy. I’d be straight off.

cardibach Mon 20-Jan-20 21:22:46

It’s not ideal, but unless it’s a pattern...

Gatehouse77 Mon 20-Jan-20 21:25:35

Depends whether it’s a one off or turns out to be a pivotal moment - positive or negative - which won’t necessarily be immediately.

Ponoka7 Mon 20-Jan-20 21:25:53

This is going to be a thread were the argument is going to be that a woman losing her temper isn't on the same scale as a man. Which I agree with.

Have you deliberately mixed up the sexes?

People lose their temper at times. It depends on the context etc.

PurpleDaisies Mon 20-Jan-20 21:28:09

I don’t think people just leave over one incident like that.

It doesn’t mean it’s acceptable behaviour though.

MrsAJ27 Mon 20-Jan-20 21:30:41

Definitely not healthy

Bluewater1 Mon 20-Jan-20 21:30:59

Not healthy no. honestly I would consider seriously leaving if someone was going to throw something at me even if they "controlled themselves" and punched a wall instead...

slipperywhensparticus Mon 20-Jan-20 21:32:52

Did she damage herself or the wall? Because if she did that's anger and rage right there if she didnt she is most likely frustrated and not at the point of doing harm

Either way she needs therapy

raspberryk Mon 20-Jan-20 21:35:01

It's not good no, but I'm not one to talk as I smashed my ex's laptop once, also threw a printer at him on a seperate occasion. Let me tell you he's deserved that and more. Funnily enough I've never felt rage like it since.

OhWellThatsJustGreat Mon 20-Jan-20 21:37:15

I just asked dh if I was to do it, his response was we'd be having a very serious conversation about my anger and our future, but he wouldn't end the relationship.

Tbf I'd probably have the same reaction.

SetTheScene Mon 20-Jan-20 21:37:22

Is it a one off or regular?

My DH punched a door about 3 months ago in an uncharacteristic rage.

He's always been laid back, easy going, not an ounce of violence in him. Normally the one to be calming other people down and the voice of reason.

But in this instance, we're having some issues with DSs bad behaviour and attitude, to an extent he's now being assessed for ADHD. After trying to handle DSs challenging behaviour calmly for several years, one day he just pushed and pushed and pushed DH over the edge. He shocked even himself.

He's never done it before so no, I wouldn't leave him.

OpheliaBalthasar Mon 20-Jan-20 21:37:34

No punching walls is not ok. That’s the kind of behaviour that slowly escalates into something worse

Curiosity101 Mon 20-Jan-20 21:39:39

It's certainly not healthy, but YABU to think you know enough/have enough details to make any conclusions or that most people would end a relationship over it.

If it was a pattern of behaviour then absolutely you'd hope people would part ways. But perhaps it was a one off... or perhaps it's something they will seek counselling / therapy over either as a single person or a couple? There are lots of scenarios where this ends happily in a stable relationship.

goldenorbspider Mon 20-Jan-20 21:42:48

Red flag, they probably won't leave but should

busybarbara Mon 20-Jan-20 21:45:55

Better to punch a wall than hurt a person. If shouting, punching something or posting angry posts on MN is someone’s way of decompressing rather than hurting someone, I think we should support that.

Ohyesiam Mon 20-Jan-20 21:48:06

Personally I thrive on harmony? This would be way to much drama for me. Not some people seem to want slamming doors and things said in the heat of the moment, so they can make up and let the cycle begin again.
Sounds exhausting.

Chickychoccyegg Mon 20-Jan-20 21:49:27

would need to know a lot more details.

Tunnocks34 Mon 20-Jan-20 21:50:09

If my husband were to do it now, for the first time, then no I wouldn’t leave him. I’d certainly be having conversations about it but I wouldn’t leave.

Definitely not a healthy relationship

HotPenguin Mon 20-Jan-20 21:54:39

I don't understand punching walls, this must be a thing for people with plasterboard walls. My walls are totally solid and you would break the bones of your hand if you punched them.

Itsallgonewoowoo Mon 20-Jan-20 22:07:13

My boyfriend at the time got so cross with me he punched a wall as I left the room. I went back in, asked had he punched it, yes but it really hurt, well you won't do that again will you? No. And he never has 20 years later BUT it made me almost call it off at the time and if he had repeated that, or raised more red flags I would have walked.

WhenISnappedAndFarted Mon 20-Jan-20 22:11:02

I don't think I'd immediately leave the relationship. I'd seriously consider it and they'd have to do something about their anger.

Winebottle Mon 20-Jan-20 22:13:48

In the 10 years we have been together, we have punched one wall each. These things don't necessarily escalate. We both learned from those incidents and now fight in a healthier way. If you communicate effectively, there is no reason for anyone to get that angry.

recycledbottle Mon 20-Jan-20 22:15:45

Before we moved to this house, every place we lived had a covered up hole in the wall. When I lived with my friend her bf put a hole through the wall. I moved out. I grew up in a violent house so would absolutely leave if my partner did this. It seems to be a common occurance though.

Mandarinfish Mon 20-Jan-20 22:17:51

My mum once threw a plate at my dad. This was years ago and they've been very happily married for over 50 years, so I do believe a relationship can move past this sort of thing (if it's a one off).

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