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AIBU?

AIBU to expect to be told if you’re giving my gluten intolerant child gluten?

52 replies

AlohaMolly · 20/01/2020 15:27

DS is 3 and in nursery school. I wrote gluten intolerant on the medical form and spoke to the teacher about it before he started. There are 40 children in his class, so I understand that it’s a big class, my child isn’t special etc. I was a primary teacher before I had DS so I really do get it!

MIL picks DS up on Fridays and last week she said all the children came out covered in flour and clutching a biscuit each, which she let DS eat. That evening, and Saturday, he complained of a stomach ache and was pretty miserable - which is generally how he presents when he’s had something containing gluten.

Today, when I picked him up, I asked his teacher if the biscuits they’d had were gluten free and she said no, they were normal flour, but it’s ok because they weren’t allowed to eat them in school. I said... but DS is gluten intolerant, he shouldn’t be eating normal flour and she just repeated that they didn’t eat them in school.

I’ve offered before to bring a supply of GF cakes/biscuits/bread for her to keep in class, as they have toast for snack on Fridays and I don’t want DS to miss out if treats are given out etc. She’s always said it wasn’t necessary.

If I thought about it, when things like baking cake up I assumed that one of the following would happen -

  1. GF flour would be provided.
  2. I would be asked to provide GF flour.
  3. Whoever picked DS up would be told that he had something containing gluten.

    When I taught, if I had a pupil that had food intolerances I would provide alternatives. I would never have given a child something that could make them ill and not told someone.

    AIBU to be annoyed? DS has often complained about having a poorly tummy since he started, so I’m now assuming that they just give him the same bread as everyone else for toast. He’s also told me today that he had cornflakes and milk for snack and I just don’t believe they’re gluten free cornflakes now.
OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

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You are NOT being unreasonable
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StylishMummy · 20/01/2020 15:29

That's pretty poor, surprised they did baking in school with allergen ingredients, biscuits can easily be done with GF flour. YANBU

Malbecfan · 20/01/2020 15:30

YANBU. But "gluten intolerant" could sound like you don't want your DC to have gluten. "Coeliac" is a condition. I think you should ask for his records to be amended to say coeliac.

FWIW, I do 2 afternoons per week in a primary school and know that all the children with allergies/intolerances are on the food allergies register along with their photo that all staff have access to. You need to ask if your DC is on there and if not, why not?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2020 15:33

That is fucking outrageous!

Does your dad have a diagnosis of gluten intolerance? Do they think you are pretending?


You need to take some head hitting info in for thwm, explaining the consequences of their actions. Liken them to feeding nuts to kids with a nut allergy - which it is - and then look to the LA for guidance... Look on their website and quote their food allergy safeguarding back at them. Take it to the board of governirs, etc.

itbemay · 20/01/2020 15:33

I agree with Malbecfan, maybe ask the GP to write a letter if required.

Reginabambina · 20/01/2020 15:34

I would complain. She has a duty of care towards your son (which extends beyond school hours which she clearly doesn’t realise)!but it doesn’t sound like she takes it seriously.

DesLynamsMoustache · 20/01/2020 15:35

YANBU. And it's pretty mean to make biscuits that a child cannot eat (let alone the fact they didn't mention to anyone that it was a biscuit with gluten in). Surely there are 'free from' recipes that could include all the children safely. Would they be so blasé if it was a nut allergy?

bsc · 20/01/2020 15:36

He could be medically declared gluten intolerant without being coeliac- my DD is, and her nursery would never have messed up in this way!
Speak to nursery next time he is in, emphasising he mustn't have access again- a 3yo cannot be relied upon not to put his hands in his mouth whilst baking!

bsc · 20/01/2020 15:38

OMG, just re-read.... are they giving him normal bread too? Poor little boy! Some people just think they know better, and obviously you're just being faddy Hmm

Bluebutterfly90 · 20/01/2020 15:40

I would certainly complain.
Intolerances and allergies need to be taken deadly seriously in a childcare setting and its alarming that they're ignoring it.

ElderAve · 20/01/2020 15:42

I don't know they didn't feed it to him, MIL did that without checking.

It's a pretty non standard biscuit that is gluten free , so she should have checked IMO.

JockTamsonsBairns · 20/01/2020 15:43

malbecfan is spot on. I'm a cook in a school/nursery, and there's a board in the office with photos and details of children with allergies and intolerances. I have a file in the kitchen too, so I can keep track of who's eaten exactly what and when.
It's completely unacceptable that your ds has had gluten at nursery, if they've been explicitly told that he can't.
All I would add is, do they have a note from the GP to back up his dietary requirements? If they have this on his file, then there's no excuse at all.

Smurf123 · 20/01/2020 15:44

Unfortunately though schools are not obliged to provide for intolerances only for allergies. The school kitchen won't provide alternative food without a doctors letter stating the allergy.
My brother is gluten intolerant. He tested negative for coeliac. Gp said if a difference was noticed with regarding to stomach aches etc. When gluten free he may well be intolerant but there was no definitive test to confirm.
Like wise I'm dairy intolerant.. Food had to be provided from home if it was to be guaranteed that it wouldn't contain dairy.

ElderAve · 20/01/2020 15:46

I think you're wrong to assume the bread they've been giving him is not gluten free based on this. Wouldn't you have noticed if that had been making him ill?

Smurf123 · 20/01/2020 15:47

As a teacher however I always provide alternatives in my room for those with intolerances - that I have been told about... But it does come out of my own personal money. It isn't provided by the school.

AlohaMolly · 20/01/2020 15:56

Smurf123 has it spot on - DS had blood tests for coeliac disease when he was around 14/15 months old that came back negative. He was under a paediatrician because weaning him had been so awful and he was in so much pain, but we noticed a pattern with food containing gluten and he was back to the happy, chatty, smiley baby he had been up until 6 months within a fortnight of removing gluten from his diet. We were told there was no real test to confirm it but no one has ever asked for proof. Every time he eats something with it in, he complains of a stomach ache and wakes up during the night with stomach pain.

He’s complained of a stomach ache fairly regularly since starting school and I’ve brushed it off, wondering if he’s trying it on/he’s tired/had too many sweets because I was sure he hadn’t had gluten... except now, I’m thinking he has had it at school with toast Fridays Hmm

Any baking I ever did with my pupils, or anything that involved things not already in school, always came out of my own pocket too, I don’t truly expect his teacher to spend extra on him, I don’t. I did expect him not to be given something with gluten in.

I feel quite sad for him really.

OP posts:
Areyoufree · 20/01/2020 15:57

YANBU. My daughter was gluten and dairy free for a while, and both her pre-school and school were very good about it. School asked for a supply of things she could eat, for days when they handed out treats, and pre-school even sourced gluten free ingredients when they were baking (above and beyond, to my mind!). I don't think you can trust the nursery to follow your son's dietery needs. You may have to start looking for an alternative place (easier said than done, I know!).

Purpleartichoke · 20/01/2020 16:04

Nursery school should have dietary issues well documented with photos so even substitute staff can easily follow.

When my dd’s school couldn’t accommodate her food issues easily, they actually broke their own no outside food rule and asked us to send her food in. We were totally fine with that.

AlohaMolly · 20/01/2020 16:05

areyoufree DS had a dairy intolerance that he grew out of in the end!

I don’t know if it’s different in England, but in Wales you aren’t guaranteed a reception place in a school just because you’re in the nursery, so we have to reapply for our place anyway. Originally, I was torn between his current school and another a bit further away, but went for this one in the end... only to wish I hadn’t, because I would never have chosen for him to be one of 40 Shock I think that’s far too many children to be able to devote enough time too when you’ve only got them 2 hours a day. I might well look to put him in the other school for next year, which is a shame because he’s made friends here.

OP posts:
AlohaMolly · 20/01/2020 16:06

That’s it purple I’d be happy to provide! I offered and she said it wasn’t necessary. Surely as well, in 40 3/4 year olds, he can’t be the only one with an intolerance to something?

OP posts:
gottastopeatingchocolate · 20/01/2020 16:10

In your position, I would have a meeting with the nursery manager. I would reiterate that your child has a medically recognised intolerance and that he appears to be eating gluten at nursery, which is making him ill. I'd drop him off with a slice of GF bread on toast day, a portion of GF cereal on cornflake day, and provide GF flour on baking day.

I am sure the staff are busy, but with a team approach (with you heading the team!) they should be able to avoid making him ill.

iklboo · 20/01/2020 16:11

She thought giving him a biscuit with gluten in was ok because he wasn't allowed to eat it in school? Did she think his intolerance magically disappeared at home time? Or that he was your responsibility after they left the nursery?

megletthesecond · 20/01/2020 16:14

I'm similar to your DS. Been tested twice for coeliac as the consultant thinks I have it, but the tests are negative so it's "just" gluten intolerance.
I still cannot eat even a whisp of gluten without being ill for a few days.

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ToBreatheAgain · 20/01/2020 16:15

@AlohaMolly the paediatrican was right in there are no definitive tests for intolerances. But according to my gastroenterologist coeliacs doesn't always show on a blood test and only a bowel biopsy can fully exclude it. I had negatives on both tests. If he continues to have issues in the future that may be an avenue to pursue when he's older. I'm gluten intolerant but not coeliacs. Your gp may be willing to write an explanatory letter about his issues, but I think I'd struggle to trust his nursery after this. Would moving him be an option?

Whynosnowyet · 20/01/2020 16:16

But mil let him eat it....

AlohaMolly · 20/01/2020 16:17

iklboo it must be the magically disappeared one, because it’s either that or my MIL didn’t pick up on the telepathic message that it wasn’t gluten free GrinGrin

MIL absolutely could/should have questioned it, and I almost certainly would have checked... but tbh we shouldn’t have had to? To me, it should either have been GF or we should have been told, then she could have taken the poor bugger’s biscuit off him and managed the inevitable meltdown.

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