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To think Facebook messenger is intrusive?

(78 Posts)
EvelynTheCanary Mon 20-Jan-20 12:52:53

I use Facebook to keep up to date with distant family and friends updates from my home town but find the messenger app quite intrusive.

People know when I'm active and so message with an expectation that I'll get back to them right away, nothing of importance 99.9% of the time yet I feel a degree of obligation to respond otherwise i think I'll appear rude. I have one friend in particular who gets grumpy if she thinks she's being ignored.

Some of the people I know spend alot of their free time on Facebook and message most days just for a chat whereas I prefer to just browse through my newsfeed, leave a comment on some updates that interest me and then go about my business rather than exchanging small talk through the day on messenger and having my phone pinging continuously.

I'll be removing the app as personally I don't like the intrusion, I just wondered whether anybody else felt this way or is it me?

blackburner Mon 20-Jan-20 12:53:38

Just set it to show you're not on.

discoo Mon 20-Jan-20 12:53:51

You can change the settings so people don't know when you're online.

DaanSaaf Mon 20-Jan-20 12:53:56

Turn off the showing as active thing. Job done smile

Tombliwho Mon 20-Jan-20 12:54:16

You can set it to show you offline..

QuillBill Mon 20-Jan-20 12:54:15

You can change it so that people don't know you are online. I do use it but there is no way I would if people could see if I was on it or not.

ForInstance Mon 20-Jan-20 12:54:59

Social media app in intrusiveness shocker...

MorganKitten Mon 20-Jan-20 12:55:00

Change the setting

embolass Mon 20-Jan-20 12:55:31

How do you do that? Not best with all things tech!

EvelynTheCanary Mon 20-Jan-20 12:58:22

See I did that before (changed the settings so people can't see I'm online)

I then got a call come through at silly o clock at night through messenger, I rejected it and sent a message asking what was up and they said "sorry was just calling for a catch up as I saw you are online" so I don't know how that worked confused

Some of the people I know would continue to message regardless of online status though. It's definitely not for me blush

Bakedpotatoandgin Mon 20-Jan-20 12:59:01

Go into your app, tap on the circle with your profile picture next to the word "chats", scroll down a bit to "active status", tap on that and slide the toggle to "off"

EvelynTheCanary Mon 20-Jan-20 12:59:06

ForInstance, I don't find Facebook intrusive in general. I'm talking about the messenger app specifically.

Bakedpotatoandgin Mon 20-Jan-20 12:59:33

Sorry that was for embolas!

EvelynTheCanary Mon 20-Jan-20 13:00:30

I've just checked and it is definitely switched off. I can only guess that people are seeing me interact on posts and seeing that as a green light to chat

Mulledwineinajug Mon 20-Jan-20 13:00:35

I don’t think you can stop it from showing you online, only from showing your last active.

gamerchick Mon 20-Jan-20 13:02:08

Just get rid of it then. You'll still get the icon lighting up saying you have messages though, you'll just not be able to access them.

My active is switched off. I answer shit in my own time.

Sirzy Mon 20-Jan-20 13:02:24

Move away from your phone, set it so your not shown as online. It really is only an issue if you let it become one.

It’s no more intrusive than text messages or WhatsApp really.

EvelynTheCanary Mon 20-Jan-20 13:03:38

Good points raised yes. I think perhaps it's more about me feeling bothered by the amount some people message, rather than the app itself!

Stayingstrong24 Mon 20-Jan-20 13:05:16

I often click on a message with the intention of replying later when I have more time, but because they can see that I've "seen" it I often get bombarded with another message asking if I have offended them because I've "seen" the message and haven't replied straight away!!
I wish they would drop the "seen" thing!!

Beautiful3 Mon 20-Jan-20 13:09:44

Because of that reason I left fb for 9 months. I've only just gone back on it before Christmas. People hardly message me now through it, because of the long absence. I agree it's too intrusive.

EvelynTheCanary Mon 20-Jan-20 13:10:48

I can relate to that Stayingstrong!

There seems to be an expectation that once you've read the message or are visibly online you should respond quickly otherwise risk offending the sender.

embolass Mon 20-Jan-20 13:11:28

Great thanks @bakedpotatoandgin

blackburner Mon 20-Jan-20 13:11:35

Oh for goodness sakes. Just delete then.

bringincrazyback Mon 20-Jan-20 13:11:42

Couldn't agree more. I hate messaging apps that show when you're online/have read something, it's so intrusive. My time is my own and I'll get back to people when I'm good and ready.

PumpkinP Mon 20-Jan-20 13:11:43

I hate how you can’t send messages on Facebook unless you have the app

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