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To insist the kids are not equal?

(299 Posts)
Elsielouise13 Sun 19-Jan-20 21:45:47

Inspired by thread about sitting in the front of the car...

One thing I am fussy about when it comes to choosing seats is in a restaurant. I can’t stand it when children rush to seats ahead of adults in a restaurant and ‘bag the best options’. When we go for meals with friends I’ll always insist to my children they wait til the adults have chosen their seats before they sit down.

Several times I’ve been out with other parents who let the kids decide the seating and then struggle in and out for the duration of dinner.

I’ll be fecked if I’m paying for a meal and miss out on watching the room and get to only see my husband and the wall behind him.

And in our house the adults are the ones doing the adulting and that’s why my children spent most of the afternoon messing about about and I ironed school shirts.

VeniceQueen2004 Sun 19-Jan-20 21:48:09

Seems like an odd hill to die on but fair enough...

puds11 Sun 19-Jan-20 21:48:31

That’s weird. How different can a seat at the same table be confused

SarahAndQuack Sun 19-Jan-20 21:49:03

Depends what you mean by equal.

If I were feeling snippy I'd point out you do have the option to get your kids helping the chores.

I think on the whole I try to make DD feel as if she's treated with equal dignity and I dislike the idea of saying you get to pick the 'best seat' because you're an adult. I just don't follow the logic. But I would say there are situations where she has to do what we say and she doesn't get an equal choice, because FFS she has no idea what is good for her.

clpsmum Sun 19-Jan-20 21:49:22

Does it really matter?

sirmione16 Sun 19-Jan-20 21:49:52

This seems a non issue tbh. As long as they sit together and the adults sit together for the sake of being able to hold a conversation who cares really.

MimiSunshine Sun 19-Jan-20 21:50:23

Struggle in and out? How often do you get up out of your seat while eating dinner?

LisaSimpsonsbff Sun 19-Jan-20 21:50:36

If you'd rather stare at strangers than sit facing your husband then I think you should stop worrying about where you sit at dinner and just get a new, more interesting husband

Stormwhale Sun 19-Jan-20 21:51:18

You sound like a barrel of laughs.

1Morewineplease Sun 19-Jan-20 21:51:18

Oooerr... not sure what to say about this.
If it bothers you that much then redirect the children.
Who’s in charge of these days out.
I get that sitting at the end of a long table and only being surrounded by children might seem a bit disappointing but surely you can dictate where they sit.

slipperywhensparticus Sun 19-Jan-20 21:51:19

Ahhh your one of "those" adults I'm better because I'm older...you do know that's a childish attitude to have?

Turnedouttoes Sun 19-Jan-20 21:52:23

I didn’t realise I did this too OP until we were out for dinner last night and DP pointed out that I always take the seat with the best view of the room and he never gets to see what’s going on. I am a nosy cow though and like to see what everyone’s up to/eating grin

lazylinguist Sun 19-Jan-20 21:52:29

Well personally I can't imagine why it would be important to 'watch the room'. Adults should be in charge, but imo that doesn't mean constantly and needlessly imposing hierarchy over children about petty, unimportant things. I haven't ever told my children to wait for the adults to choose seats, but neither have my children ever rushed to grab particular seats. Everyone tends to just sit down wherever!

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 Sun 19-Jan-20 21:52:39

I don't get it. It's a shame you don't like looking at your husband. Does he know? Does he feel that way too?

My children are equal to me. I respect them, they respect me. It doesn't mean l let them run riot. Just that l recognise they are little humans who deserve to have a say as much as l do. Doesn't mean I have to listen.

LisaSimpsonsbff Sun 19-Jan-20 21:52:43

Also, if you're visibly picking seats in a restaurant to get the best one and not just sitting in the nearest chair then you're the rude one, whether you're eating with adults or children

Queenoftheashes Sun 19-Jan-20 21:52:49

I’ve never known this to be an issue for anyone in my life. I’ve only ever known anyone politely offer another person their choice not “back off brats while I choose”.
I mean really who cares and why do you need to watch the room rather than converse with your companions?

DDiva Sun 19-Jan-20 21:53:09

Tbh I pick my battles.

If the company and find is good I'm not to bothered about 'seeing the room'.

We spent the afternoon at a local attraction we have passes for with friends. It was cold but the kids had fun and we enjoyed being with them.

WhereTheCowsGoBong Sun 19-Jan-20 21:54:14

All human beings are equal. Regardless of age. But YANBU to want first pick of the seats. As a child it was for the most part expected that parents would bag the first seats.

Russellbrandshair Sun 19-Jan-20 21:54:18

I can’t imagine getting upset about such a trivial thing

PPopsicle Sun 19-Jan-20 21:54:44

Oh what a bunch of fun you sound.
Your friend probably makes the kids pick seats so she doesn’t have to sit next to you.

DDiva Sun 19-Jan-20 21:54:58

Food not find !

lazylinguist Sun 19-Jan-20 21:56:23

Also I don't get this idea of children being unequal in the sense of 'lesser'. They are younger and less knowledgeable. I'm their parent and am in charge. That doesn't mean that I am better than them or deserve better things than them.

Lunafortheloveogod Sun 19-Jan-20 21:57:25

I’d rather watch the wall, especially if it meant the dc’s I had taken with me sat calmly watching Sandra n Bob at the table across vs any chaos n when’s it coming boredom. Obviously mobility issues are the exception but I wouldn’t expect a child to push granny’s stick out the way in a battle.

I also sit in the back over my dn, he’s 6ft5 at 13 n I’m 5ft3 on a good day, he needs the space and have enough room behind him.

Of all the hills to die on these aren’t them.

IndecentFeminist Sun 19-Jan-20 21:57:27

My kids are equals. Not the same, but equals.

Expressedways Sun 19-Jan-20 21:58:03

When in a big group we tell the kids to sit together at one end- more fun for them and us that way! Other than that, does it really make a difference? Ive never been to a restaurant with significant disparity between seats round the same table but I guess there’s the old ladies get the view of the room and chaps get the view of the ladies classic. My FIL is in his 70s and is a stickler for that one.

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