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I feel like I am being a controlling witch ... am I?

(127 Posts)
mccccaw Sat 18-Jan-20 21:32:35

I am having problems with my first boyfriend.

My relatively new boyfriend is meeting his ex-girlfriend next weekend.

They are in contact a lot - lots of messaging. But nothing really inappropriate, nothing mushy or loveydovey or sexual. Just chatting.

They are meeting up because she wants to get some things from his house. He told me and I said that's fine.

Because of the time he spends on his phone, I looked at their messages. He texts her the most out of anyone on his phone. He also calls her "babe" and a nickname he made up for her.

He's also said he is going to bring her the Christmas present he bought her, and some other bits he "picked up" for her since they split up sad

I know right before we got together they had sex. It wasn't when we were dating, but he told me about it and kept saying the breakup was messy.

We've since argued about this, because I said it wasn't appropriate to be giving her gifts. He's basically said I am controlling and weird, and that I don't know how to be mature sad

He's older than me, and he said in time I will learn this is normal.

AIBU to think it's not normal to give your ex-girlfriend Christmas gifts?

Mum2jenny Sat 18-Jan-20 21:34:39

I think he’s still expecting a reconciliation with the girlfriend. Hopefully this will not happen!

Disquieted1 Sat 18-Jan-20 21:41:03

He is a manipulative condescending liar. Run for the hills.

mummyduckduck Sat 18-Jan-20 21:42:42

Just walk away gracefully. He's not over her.

andyjusthangingaround Sat 18-Jan-20 21:44:15

Run!

Thewomeninthemirror Sat 18-Jan-20 21:44:30

Exactly what disquieted said!
That’s not normal, especially after a messy breakup.
LTB

PaperbackBlighter Sat 18-Jan-20 21:44:57

What age are you both, OP?

He doesn’t sound very nice, and I think he’s trying to get back together with his ex, using you to make her jealous.

thebluearsefly Sat 18-Jan-20 21:45:24

Walk away with your head held high. Nicknames, presents and non stop contact? Step back and think about what you’d advise a friend. This guy is mugging you off

M0reGinPlease Sat 18-Jan-20 21:47:00

Cut and run.

Even if it is innocent, he's wrong for making you feel like you're the weirdo in this situation (you're not, btw)

FaithInfinity Sat 18-Jan-20 21:47:14

My then BF now DH met up with his ex soon after we got together. But they hadn’t been together for a long while, over a year. They met up because they were in the same area at the same time. He said it was nice to see her, that was basically it. I find it very suspicious that your BF messages her all the time, especially with the nicknames and gifts. It sounds like he’s dating you while hoping to get back with her. I’d run a mile, honestly this isn’t normal and you deserve better.

TheFastandTheCurious Sat 18-Jan-20 21:47:33

How long have you been together? It's not very nice that he calls you controlling and weird, I'd walk away purely for that

mccccaw Sat 18-Jan-20 21:57:28

@PaperbackBlighter

I am 19, and he is 28.

mccccaw Sat 18-Jan-20 21:57:53

@TheFastandTheCurious

Only about 3 months

itmusthavebeencoffee Sat 18-Jan-20 22:00:08

it definitely sounds like he's still into her and most likely is going to sleep with her if he can when they meet up –please dump him, you deserve better.

willothewispa Sat 18-Jan-20 22:00:51

You deserve better, ltb.

MilaRos Sat 18-Jan-20 22:04:08

Don't be a mug, he will drop you like a hot potato! He's totally disrespecting you and painfully still into his ex.

Mistystar99 Sat 18-Jan-20 22:04:12

Dump him sweetheart. You can and will do better. This is a confusing mess and you don't need that. Xx

user3575796673 Sat 18-Jan-20 22:05:21

It's not normal. Don't let him warp your sense of normality - there's a reason older men go for inexperienced women your age, because it's so easy to push your boundaries and train you to accept the unacceptable as "normal".

He's controlling you if anything.

Maybe look up the Freedom Programme so you can reassure yourself in your model of what healthy relationships look like.

Then ditch him so you can meet somebody respectful and decent.

Maskedsingeroctopus Sat 18-Jan-20 22:06:14

Oh you poor thing, only 19 and him a grown man. Well done posting on here.
He's obviously shagging her and has quite serious relationship with her.
You are his (too) young bit of fun. You deserve much better. Please leave him now. Also speak to your mum or other trusted family member about this and stay safe and be very careful about being gaslighted by him, even when breaking up. He won't like it.

BecauseReasons Sat 18-Jan-20 22:07:18

He's gaslighting you. 'In time you'll learn,'- what utter bull.

Qwerty543 Sat 18-Jan-20 22:08:47

Run now. He's a behaving like a twat and turning his shitty behaviour around on you.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup Sat 18-Jan-20 22:09:00

he said in time I will learn this is normal.

Do not stick around long enough for any of this to be "normal". I will almost guarantee he's still fucking his ex or wants to, at the very least.

Ruuuuuun!

QueenOfOversharing Sat 18-Jan-20 22:09:11

Your first BF? Definitely cut your losses. Don't start your dating life by accepting this! Please!!!

Whatever is going on with them, leave them to it. I'm just going on how he's spoken to you. It's not ok.

He's a prick.

OoohTheStatsDontLie Sat 18-Jan-20 22:09:16

If he gave presents to every single one of his friends and family and she was included in that then it might be different. But sounds to me like she is getting special treatment

converseandjeans Sat 18-Jan-20 22:10:01

Agree with others this is not normal behaviour. He's trying to make out it is & make you feel silly to question it. I would walk away now.

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