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to have refused to go because DP expected me to sit in back?

(968 Posts)
Fauxfurrealwhiskey Sat 18-Jan-20 16:30:04

Wee bit of context before I start: DP has two DDs aged 11 and 9. He has a lot of residual guilt over leaving them/their mum back when they were little (years before we met) and consequently he lets his youngest daughter in particular get away with an awful lot that he shouldn't imo.

We've been dating for two years and don't live together.

He's on his way to drop them back to their mums, when I don't have my DC and am free I usually go along to keep him company (hour drive each way) so agreed to again this time.

He turned up to pick me up with his DD2 in the front seat. As I approached the car he told me I was in the back. I asked if I could sit in the front. He said she wanted to sit in the front. I told him in that case to go ahead without me then as I'm an adult and not a child so he could pick me up on the way back if he wanted instead and went back in the house. No big row or a scene of anything. I just wasn't willing, as a grown adult, to sit in the back while a 9 year old sits in the front. I would never dream of doing the same to him with my DC.

AIBU to think that adults get priority over children in terms of sitting in the front of the car? It's just basic manners imo.

Or is that horrendously old-fashioned of me and I've been a rampant cow?

NotYourHun Sat 18-Jan-20 16:31:49

His DD was in the car first. Sorry, I think YABU and not doing yourself any favours if you have longterm plans to be their stepmother.

IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord Sat 18-Jan-20 16:32:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

misspiggy19 Sat 18-Jan-20 16:33:55

What a weird thread. YABU- she was already in the car and everyone knows how much kids like to sit in the front seat.

You were being ridiculous.

GoldLeafTree Sat 18-Jan-20 16:33:57

It sounds very petty. Why couldn't you just sit in the back? You would've been able to move to the front once she'd been dropped off.

Waveysnail Sat 18-Jan-20 16:34:00

Does it really matter hmm

Madein1995 Sat 18-Jan-20 16:34:37

I think yabu and making a fuss. What's the point in making his dd get out just to swap seats? Also why are you so against going in the back? A seat is a. Seat, surely. I always sat in the fromt growing up (still do now, it's a habit) and dad doesn't mind or see it as a sign or disrespect and I bet he's older than you op. Unless it's an unfamiliar journey in which dad goes in front to help mam

IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord Sat 18-Jan-20 16:34:49

YANBU. This happens to someone I know. Kids get priority over her to be in the front when her oh is driving so that the kids don’t argue. Drives me potty as the kids look so smug when I see her sat in the back.

Monoceros Sat 18-Jan-20 16:35:25

DD always sits in the front seat and DH or myself at the back due to her travel sickness. Not a big deal.

KurriKawari Sat 18-Jan-20 16:35:44

Meh I quite often sit in the back whilst nephews sit in the front. Petty point scoring OP.

HeresMe Sat 18-Jan-20 16:35:53

You may not be a child but you behaved like one, she called shotgun first wink, does it matter where you sit.

HannaYeah Sat 18-Jan-20 16:35:54

She sees her Dad part time. I think he’s right to prioritize her for the little time he has her.

If you don’t like that, find a man without children.

24hourshomeedderandcarer Sat 18-Jan-20 16:36:14

she was there first

its not nice expecting her to move just because shes a child so no adults shouldnt get priority,that implies that as a child she is less than you and you think your better than her

children should have the same respect as a adult

in this house everyone are equal

goldenorbspider Sat 18-Jan-20 16:36:40

Yea it's not a battle I'd pick. Let her spend time with her dad in front.

Witchend Sat 18-Jan-20 16:36:55

She was already in the car.
You were being petty. He probably wanted to talk to her in the time they had left. I find the car one of the best places for good conversation. If the two adults are in the front that is much harder.

Nicknacky Sat 18-Jan-20 16:37:39

I wouldn’t expect anyone to get out a car to make room for me, child or not.

You made yourself look petty by refusing to go.

peachgreen Sat 18-Jan-20 16:37:48

I would have gone anyway but I definitely would have said something to your DH afterwards - I agree that children should sit in the back. For one thing it's safer!

HunterHearstHelmsley Sat 18-Jan-20 16:38:04

YANBU. Parents should be in the front. Excepting a good reason obviously.

Hell, I'm in my thirties and sit in the back when in my parents car!

PlanDeRaccordement Sat 18-Jan-20 16:38:18

Once the kids got to be larger than me. We just all shared the front passenger seat. I think you were being a bit of a princess tbh.

ScrambledEggsOnToast1 Sat 18-Jan-20 16:38:21

I used to argue about stuff like this with my brother when I was about 10. Pretty childish aren't you "I'm the oldest", well she called shotgun and was there first, you lose. Sorry I was just talking on a level you'd understand.

I think you need to grow up. I wouldn't have told my daughter to move in your partner's position either.

Villanelle92 Sat 18-Jan-20 16:38:35

“go ahead without me then as I’m an adult not a child”

You sure did act a bit like a child though didn’t you.

His DD was there first, what’s the harm in letting her sit in the front? Kids like it, it’s novelty for them.

This seems really petty imo.

LetThemEatDrama Sat 18-Jan-20 16:38:45

YABU, just for making it an issue there and then. As the adult you should have just got in the back then had a chat about it when the two of you were alone and decided how to go forward. If long term you insist on sitting in the front that would be up to you but no need to make an issue of it in front of the kids, however calm you were about it.

NoWeAreNotNearlyThereYet Sat 18-Jan-20 16:39:18

Don't think you're gonna get much change given on this subject, I've noticed on MN that stepchildren rule the roost, and you are now a second class citizen. As a child I would always have sat in the back, out of respect for the adult. I would also expect as an adult to be able to sit in the front and children in the back.
I suspect however on this thread you will be pulled apart and told how awful and unreasonable you are. I for one don't agree with that.

BruceAndNosh Sat 18-Jan-20 16:39:32

If she sits in the front she can chat to her dad. It's not easy having a conversation with someone who is in the back.
You could have sat in the front on the way back.
As a "grown adult" you've behaved rather childishly

Aprilsinparis Sat 18-Jan-20 16:39:52

Perhaps he was relieved you went back in the house, maybe he couldn't have coped with three children.

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