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Upset girlfriend

(108 Posts)
PolkaRed Sat 18-Jan-20 14:28:19

Bit of relevant back story so please bear with me.

I've been seeing my girlfriend for about 4 years now. She has one daughter from a previous relationship who is in her last year of primary.

Last October I bought a house with the intention of doing it up with the plan that her daughter finished primary and then they both moved in over the summer holidays ready for her to start secondary.

Start of November we found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. Not planned but it was a nice surprise. However, now there is a sudden rush to get the house ready before the baby is born.

Last week I had to raid the last of my savings to buy a new kitchen. Then this week, my car broke down and my cat fell seriously ill, which meant more unplanned expenditure.

It was also both my girlfriend and her daughters birthday. I gave my girlfriend £40 for her daughters birthday but I simply couldn't afford to buy my girlfriend anything. On top of that, due to the car breaking down, I've had to make the hours up at work to meet some important deadlines, which has meant I haven't been able to see them this week (they live about 40 minutes away).

She's now not talking to me. Aibu to think that given the circumstances, she shouldn't be so upset with me for how her birthday has turned out?

Whynosnowyet Sat 18-Jan-20 14:29:36

And now your eyes are wide open op....

KittyVonCatsworth Sat 18-Jan-20 14:30:05

Wow, no, YADNBU.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 18-Jan-20 14:32:28

I do hope your blinders are finally off. Run for the hills. Your girlfriend loves your money, not you.

Louisa111 Sat 18-Jan-20 14:33:47

I think she's being very selfish tbh shock

DukeChatsworth Sat 18-Jan-20 14:34:11

If you explained all this to her ahead of time and clarified it’d then YANBU.

If you kept it to yourself and she was unaware of how skint you are YABU.

It all depends on how it was handled.

Frenchw1fe Sat 18-Jan-20 14:34:21

Oh dear. Now the cash has gone the real girlfriend is emerging.

LolaDarkdestroyer Sat 18-Jan-20 14:34:40

Get out while you still can honestly you are providing a house for her and a child that's not yours....and she's moaning seriously assume you are a woman she is a fanny lodger.

Cryingoverspilttea Sat 18-Jan-20 14:35:20

Run run run

FabbyChix Sat 18-Jan-20 14:35:47

Very selfish of her

Feelingpoorlysick Sat 18-Jan-20 14:37:38

Telling him to leave his gf when she's pregnant is probably not the best advice... I wonder what you would be saying if the gf posted about that.

It sounds as though there has been some miscommunication, she is probably also hormonal and overly emotional. You need to sit down and talk about finances, expectations etc

alifelived Sat 18-Jan-20 14:37:55

Oh hell no YANBU.

Get rid of her and make arrangements about contact for your child when it’s born.

(Unless it’s pregnancy hormones and this is out of character grin)

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre Sat 18-Jan-20 14:38:31

How much has she contributed to the house and renovations? Are you equal 50/50? Do you see it as a house for you all as a family, or do you see it as your house that they will move in to?

I think it is a bit premature for people to read a short paragraph and then encourage you to walk away from a 4 year relationship and a pregnant gf. If she came on and posted a version from her side she may well have the same people telling her to be sure not to put your name on the birth certificate.

Talk to her. It's all you can do. Communicate. Make sure she understands everything you are doing so as to build a life as a family. And listen to her. She might be unreasonably upset, but she mightn't realise she's unreasonable.

Christ, some people on here either have completely perfect relationships, or no relationship because they walk as soon as someone has a bad day.

user7522689 Sat 18-Jan-20 14:39:59

Did you explain any of this to her?

FanSpamTastic Sat 18-Jan-20 14:40:24

I think the two of you need to have a conversation. If she won't answer calls then write her a letter. Say sorry for not getting a birthday gift and for being busy but explain this is because you have spent so much recently trying to get the house ready. She is possibly thinking you are losing interest and is feeling vulnerable. Make it clear that is not the case.

JasonPollack Sat 18-Jan-20 14:41:03

Did you message her/ speak to her on her birthday? A cheap gift or a card is better than nothing. She is pregnant with your child! Does she know the situation? I'd be fucked off too if you'd done absolutely nothing tbh.

user7522689 Sat 18-Jan-20 14:41:51

Does she have a stake in this house? Or is she supposed to be giving up her existing child's security to become your lodger?

Mandarinfish Sat 18-Jan-20 14:43:50

She does sound selfish... but did you at least get her a card and write a lovely message inside it?

If not, YABU. You can afford a card!

PaperbackBlighter Sat 18-Jan-20 14:44:40

Does your girlfriend work?

Please don’t tell us she’s on the property deeds.

Hirsutefirs Sat 18-Jan-20 14:48:50

I’d never not give a partner a birthday present.

But I do wonder how often and for how long you’ll be getting the silent treatment during your beautiful family future together.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam Sat 18-Jan-20 14:51:27

Get out while you still can

She’s pregnant with his child. She has him now.

DelphiniumBlue Sat 18-Jan-20 14:53:14

I'm not understanding, I think you said she moved in with you over the summer holidays. So I can't work out how you live 40 minutes away. Or why you gave her money for the daughter's birthday but nothing for her?

SleepWarrior Sat 18-Jan-20 14:55:52

As a pp said it all depends how it was handled as to who was unreasonable in this, and how you actually spoke to each other. I can easily picture conversations that put either one of you in the right/wrong.

Beautiful3 Sat 18-Jan-20 14:57:26

Maybe you should have split the money between them and explained that your finances are running low. Will the house be in your name only? Do you still want to live together?

HermioneWeasley Sat 18-Jan-20 14:59:19

If she knew your situation then she sounds immature and grabby

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