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Husband holding hands with male friend.

(485 Posts)
User3679963 Sat 18-Jan-20 10:00:42

I would like a little perspective please.

My husband told me that a male friend (who he rarely sees) holds his hand when they meet up. I think this is odd, I cant imagine walking through town to see my husband holding hands with his friend. But my husband genuinely sees nothing wrong with it. When I said I thought it was odd, he stared at me blankly and just said 'Sorry I dont see what's wrong with it.' His friend is straight, as is my husband (although during his teens he apparently used to hold hands with another male friend, who he thought he had feelings for but in the end they were just very good friends. They both had hard upbringings and were like brothers).
I asked him if he thought it appropriate to hold a female friends hand, and he said if she was to reach for his hand he wouldn't have an issue with it. We are all British, so it's not a cultural thing. (I know in some cultures it's the norm for male friends to hold hands)
So as not to drop feed, my husband isn't the most affectionate person. We're intimate on average once every 4 months, sometimes 6, and he sees this as normal and has no worries about it. We rarely kiss other than a peck when one of us is going out, and hes not the type to cuddle up on the sofa in the evenings (it wasn't like this before we got married) So I can't tell if he is either genuinely detached emotionally, so something like hand holding isn't an intimate action to him, or whether there is more to this.

I'm sorry if this seems like a ridiculous thing to ask.

DeathStare Sat 18-Jan-20 10:03:22

Does he hold your hand?

Bluntness100 Sat 18-Jan-20 10:03:40

He's been seen so wanted to tell you before someone else did and is very likely gay. You know straight men don't walk about holding hands.

memberofseven Sat 18-Jan-20 10:04:27

I would think that was strange op. It's quite an intimate o thing I don't walk around holding my friends hands and haven't since I was about 10.

74NewStreet Sat 18-Jan-20 10:05:07

What Bluntness said.

movingdilemma1234 Sat 18-Jan-20 10:05:36

Heterosexual men within this culture do not hold hands

Zaphodsotherhead Sat 18-Jan-20 10:05:55

I'd want to know what changed when you got married. Why, if he was affectionate beforehand, he's stopped now. Does he think he's 'got you' so he doesn't have to put any effort in? Does he help around the house or show that he loves you in any other way?

Because yes, I would find it odd if my straight husband held hands with his straight male friend.

Kalifa Sat 18-Jan-20 10:05:57

Two grown men holding hands? Do you need to ask?

whathappenedtojoosters Sat 18-Jan-20 10:05:55

What Bluntness said, I was about the write the exact same thing.

CaptainButtock Sat 18-Jan-20 10:06:34

Yep, that’s odd. And I know what conclusion I (and most people) would come to.
Maybe he’s bi-curious?

NewloveCG Sat 18-Jan-20 10:06:41

My male friends are mostly straight with some of them being Bi, they all show affection through holding hands and hugging. My OH and our mutual friend all know each other through secondary school. My OH and him are very affectionate, I don’t t mind it at all in fact it’s a running joke that if mutual friend turned up OH would choose him to greet first over me 😂. I think it’s nice that they are affectionate, I doubt you would think anything of it if it was two female friends holding hands. Is it because he’s less affectionate with you op? Maybe you should talk about your feelings to your OH? Xx

Oooooooooooooooooooh Sat 18-Jan-20 10:06:46

He’s having a gay affair and giving you a preemptive ludicrous cover story before someone else tells you. I’m so sorry.

MrsBrentford Sat 18-Jan-20 10:06:50

Sounds like he is homosexual.

Sorry sad

Readytogogogo Sat 18-Jan-20 10:06:57

It does sound as though he might be gay.

Kitsandkids Sat 18-Jan-20 10:07:09

I would find that really odd. In our 20s I think my husband and I held hands but haven’t for a few years and I would find it really bizarre for him to do it with anyone else - male or female!

Zaphodsotherhead Sat 18-Jan-20 10:08:20

For me, it's the lack of sex life that shouts that he's probably gay, to be honest.

FlamingGalar Sat 18-Jan-20 10:08:47

I would find this a little odd. Whether male or female I would find hand holding with an adult friend a touch bizarre. Unless for emotional support of course, but not as a run of the mill display of friendship.

PinkiOcelot Sat 18-Jan-20 10:09:45

I’ve just asked DH this question, just to clarify my thoughts and he said “of course not”. Sounds fishy to me OP.

Decidewhattobeandgobeit Sat 18-Jan-20 10:11:00

If he’s had feelings for men in the past and holds men’s hands I’d say it’s likely he is gay op

Oblomov20 Sat 18-Jan-20 10:11:19

Bluntness explains it succinctly.
You know this isn't right. Especially in UK culture. Men never touch other men, only just can bare to shake their hand!
Clearly gay. Or bi. Neither of which do I give two hoots about.
But. Never EVER lie to me. Or disrespect me so much by treating me like an idiot.
(Is what I'd be thinking)

ElspethFlashman Sat 18-Jan-20 10:11:50

I have literally never seen 2 men holding hands who weren't romantically involved.

MsMellivora Sat 18-Jan-20 10:12:43

Friend just don’t walk along holding hands, I give my friends a welcome or a goodbye hug but holding hands is really when little kids need to be safe in the street or people are lovers.

Pardonwhat Sat 18-Jan-20 10:13:06

I’m sorry. I think you know what’s going on here flowers

hidinginthenightgarden Sat 18-Jan-20 10:14:28

I am sorry but your husband is gay.
He doesn't show you affection, holds mens' hands....straight men don't do that! They builds walls with cusions on the off chance they have to share a double bed!

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Sat 18-Jan-20 10:14:55

NewloveCG you have a whole host of heterosexual male friends who hold hands? confused

I would be inclined to agree with bluntness, the admitting to the minimum you have to is classic. Hes been seen holding hands, and may be worried the guy 'he thought he had feelings for' comes along and says something, so has preempted both scenarios by admitting a little to make his lies sound plausible if he ever gets found out. The lack of sex also speaks volumes.

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