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17 yo DD Dr appt - what to do?

(139 Posts)
tactum Fri 17-Jan-20 23:56:05

Had a text earlier this evening from surgery saying DD has arranged a Dr appt tom am, not booked with my knowledge - am assuming DD didn't realise I would get message. She has started seeing her first serious boyfriend about 3 months ago who I really like and I've been giving them 'space' together whilst also including him in suppers round the table etc.
She's already on the pill due to period issues n we've had various convos about contraception.
Am assuming appt is something to do with the relationship, just not sure how to bring it up? Any advice please..

shedidwhatnow Fri 17-Jan-20 23:57:26

Do you need to bring it up? I know it’ll be hard not to but if you’ve had the contraception talks you kind of just need to let her get on with it now.

RhubarbBikini88 Fri 17-Jan-20 23:59:01

I would just say “I got an appointment reminder through, I’m assuming it’s for you. Is everything ok?” I’m sure being your daughter you will be able to tell if she’s telling the truth or not? If you already have spoken about contraception hopefully she’ll be honest with you. Maybe she wants to change to something else.

Reginabambina Fri 17-Jan-20 23:59:15

If she wanted to tell you she would. I wouldn’t bring it up beyond saying you are there for her. I am also not sure why you would assume it was due to the relationship if she’s already on contraceptives (what else could it be?). At that age I was seeing doctors about my skin and wanting blood tests and similar fairly routine things.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Sat 18-Jan-20 00:00:03

Why do you need to bring it up? Give her some privacy; she's grown up enough to make a GP appointment by herself.

Just make sure she knows she can talk to you if she needs to.

PrincessHoneysuckle Sat 18-Jan-20 00:00:13

If it's for contraception shes being really sensible imo

Ginfordinner Sat 18-Jan-20 00:00:51

Why is the surgery contacting you? What happened to patient confidentiality?

PrincessHoneysuckle Sat 18-Jan-20 00:00:51

Oh sorry just realised she on pill.Try not to worry it may be something minor.

PrincessHoneysuckle Sat 18-Jan-20 00:01:51

@Ginfordinner the surgery might still have her mum contact number for her as under 18 so message would have been sent by computer to that

SpruceTree Sat 18-Jan-20 00:02:59

You need to contact the GP and update their contact details. Your daughter is 17 - you don't need to ask her anything. GP should be sending the reminder to your daughter.

FelicityBeedle Sat 18-Jan-20 00:03:30

You need to remove your number from their records so this doesn’t happen ahain

JoanieCash Sat 18-Jan-20 00:03:58

You could even be bold and say to her you’ve had the text, assume she’s ok but you’re there for her and then suggests she asks the surgery to switch the number to your daughters.

AmelieTaylor Sat 18-Jan-20 00:05:58

Why would you need to ‘bring it up’ she’s 17 not 7. She doesn’t need your permission nor want your advice.

If you really can’t resist sticking your beak in where it’s not wanted, why not just say you got a reminder about her appointment?

Then hopefully she’ll have the sense to get the alerts sent to her own phone.

You ‘include them in suppers around the table’ could you have made that sound any more pretentious?! 🙄. It’s perfectly normal for teenagers ‘to have dinner’ with their boyfriend/girlfriends.

DramaAlpaca Sat 18-Jan-20 00:06:43

She's 17, almost an adult. You really don't say anything at all. She's entitled to her privacy.

The surgery should not have texted you. That's a bad breach of confidentiality. Is there a way you could let the surgery have DD's number to be added to her records?

Berrylee Sat 18-Jan-20 00:07:23

I would let her know that you have inadvertently found out, just so she knows to change the phone number on her records to hers when she's at the surgery tomorrow.

Don't ask her to tell you what the appointment is about. Just remind her that if she ever wants or needs to talk about something, she can come to you and there will be no judgement or anger.

Berrylee Sat 18-Jan-20 00:09:32

The surgery should not have texted you. That's a bad breach of confidentiality

The texts are sent automatically. At the surgery I work at, letters are sent to every patient on their 16th birthday, asking them to contact us so that we can update their notes with their personal phone number and remove their mother's or father's.

If they don't act on this, there's nothing we can do.

Mamboitaliano Sat 18-Jan-20 00:12:38

I would just say “I got an appointment reminder through, I’m assuming it’s for you. Is everything ok?”

This is perfect.

DramaAlpaca Sat 18-Jan-20 00:12:41

Berrylee ah, OK. I'm not in the UK and our systems are obviously different. Yours sounds very sensible. Thanks for the correction.

lumpy76 Sat 18-Jan-20 00:14:26

You don't do anything! It's not your appointment and I'm sure she'll tell you if there's anything you need to know. If she's in the pill already it could be an annual review of this or she wants to change the one she's on or something completely different. It's really not your business if she doesn't want to tell you.

BackforGood Sat 18-Jan-20 00:15:10

I would let her know that you have inadvertently found out, just so she knows to change the phone number on her records to hers when she's at the surgery tomorrow.

This ^

FlorencesHunger Sat 18-Jan-20 00:15:11

Just tell her you recieved a txt reminder of her appointment and that is it. At 17 she is entitled to privacy and it might prompt her to change her contact details so you won't be concerned in the future.

74NewStreet Sat 18-Jan-20 00:23:56

Why would you assume the appointment relates to her relationship?

NC4Now Sat 18-Jan-20 00:24:03

17 is such a threshold age but I think ‘I got a reminder, is everything ok’ is perfect. It can be a hard transition from child to young woman, changing how you relate to each other, but it sounds like your DD is taking responsibility for herself.

whatshame Sat 18-Jan-20 00:27:32

I'd let her know just so she can get the number changed. If she wanted you to know I'd assume she'd have told you so at least make sure she can maintain her privacy in the future.

Cynthie Sat 18-Jan-20 00:29:48

I had a very similar situation with my dd once - I also presumed it was contraception related, but it turns out she'd just read an article about cholesterol, and it had panicked her so much she'd made an appointment to ask for a blood test to check her cholesterol level!

The doctor was apparently a bit bemused at a fit and healthy 17 year old with no family history of high cholesterol, heart disease or early cardiac death wanting to know what her cholesterol was, but he was reasonably happy to oblige.

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