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Is this reasonable or is it intentional

(145 Posts)
tripleback Fri 17-Jan-20 10:47:00

My girlfriend is having a dental procedure done today.it involves a general anaesthetic but is not serious as a procedure.
I have a long standing engagement that is not extremely important.It involves meeting old friends from my last place of work in a different city , one of whom I had a relationship with many years ago. I was really looking forward to this but my girlfriend was not too happy that my ex was going to be there too.
My girlfriend andI are together twelve months.We are very happy, do not live together,but are very involved in each other's lives.
She has poor relationships with her family and one one close friend. She is very close to her sister only.
She insisted that I collect her and be her next of kin.I have agreed to this but think that she could have asked her sister who lives nearby and would be available to collect her. I have cancelled my meet up and am disappointed. Is it unreasonable of her or me or even intentional ?

willothewispa Fri 17-Jan-20 10:49:02

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable, having your partner there is perhaps more what she wants than her sister for some reason.

NoMorePoliticsPlease Fri 17-Jan-20 10:50:34

Having an anaesthetic does worry a lot of people and can be frightening. She wants you to be the person who looks after her. If you dont wnat to do that it isnt very caring

tripleback Fri 17-Jan-20 10:51:24

It would s to collect her and to come to my home after.Also we are together a year and don't live together so I don't see her as my partner although I do love her.

Abracad Fri 17-Jan-20 10:51:39

You don’t have to prioritise your girlfriend at this time when she is vulnerable needs you. But then you cannot ask the same of her.

Personally, if I were your gf and I read what your wrote, I would immediately end the relationship.

LongWalkShortPlank Fri 17-Jan-20 10:53:58

I think it sounds like you need to grow up. I'd end a relationship with you too based on that, not the action itself but your attitude to it.

tripleback Fri 17-Jan-20 10:55:59

Ok thanks.
She is not worried about the anaesthetic. She wants to be collected and stay at mine for the weekend.She does not need minding after the procedure.Her words.

slashlover Fri 17-Jan-20 11:19:26

She does not need minding after the procedure.

When I had general anaesthetic someone had to stay with me for a minimum of 24 hours afterwards.

BlingLoving Fri 17-Jan-20 11:21:55

It's hard for me to imagine a situation where my partner of a year a) doesn't consider me to be a partner because we're not living together and b) doesn't WANT to help me when I've had a full anaesthetic which is generally unpleasant and makes you woozy.

I have a tiny bit of sympathy for the fact that you had a long-standing arrangement that is harder to rearrange, but your tone and attitude aren't fab.

Dizzygirl00 Fri 17-Jan-20 11:24:39

You call her your girlfriend but you don’t see her as your partner? 🤔 also it does sounds intentional to stop your plans

iano Fri 17-Jan-20 11:26:38

Tbh you don't sound like you want a relationship. Just break up with her so she can find a

iano Fri 17-Jan-20 11:27:03

Posted to soon
.... someone who cares for her

Whynosnowyet Fri 17-Jan-20 11:27:53

She is testing the waters on the 'in sickness and in health' scenario!
It is a test of a relationship though imo. She is sounding out if you are happily 'there' for her if she needs you.
Btw you failed imo.
You have cancelled begrudgingly which doesn't count...

AryaStarkWolf Fri 17-Jan-20 11:28:43

I would like if my DH would collect me if I had a General Anesthetic

Kalifa Fri 17-Jan-20 11:33:36

General anaesthetic at the dentist for a procedure that’s not serious? Do you know that general anaesthetic means they make you fall asleep on an operating table for the duration of the procedure?
Or did you mean local anaesthetic? It is much more likely at the dentist.

yellowallpaper Fri 17-Jan-20 11:33:37

If you have a general anaesthetic you must not drive and it's essential you are collected for safety reasons. If you gf can't rely on you to care for her then she should tell you to sod off, as you are not worth the effort.

OvenGlovesWillTearUsApart Fri 17-Jan-20 11:40:19

Sounds like the two of you are not compatible.

What is the dental procedure if it needs general anaesthetic?

Dontdisturbmenow Fri 17-Jan-20 11:43:09

She wants to know that she matters more than your ex. She should do so indeed.

anotherday4 Fri 17-Jan-20 11:47:30

Well she sounds insecure about your ex but tbh I would be too if my fella was drinking with his! And the fact your more upset about cancelling then having her over the weekend speaks volumes.

If I read this and I was your gf it would be over. Sorryv

tripleback Fri 17-Jan-20 11:48:13

What she has told me is that she will be ' out' for ten minutes and that she wants me to be next if Kim take her to mine and stay for the weekend.
She needs an old wisdom tooth pulled and said she wanted to be asleep.
We are going out together officially for a year but it was very casual for half of that time.We have recently started to spend more time together.It has been a slow developing relationship. We enjoy each other's company but have separate lives, separate homes, separate hobbies and interests, separate friendships too.
Her sister lives around the corner and is free to collect her much earlier than I am so I did wonder why she was insistent on me being next of kin and her transport and why she wanted to stay at mine for the weekend, when I will be an hour late to collect. I guess I am being unreasonable after all.Thanks.

KatnissK Fri 17-Jan-20 11:49:25

How would you feel if it was you having the procedure? Would you be happy that while you underwent a medical/dental procedure your gf went off socialising? Would you want her to pick you up and stay with you instead? Maybe you wouldn't care but it's always worth putting yourself in the other person's shoes when trying to understand their point of view.

I don't think she's been unreasonable as she obviously does view you as a partner and someone who should care about her, but if you see her more as a casual thing then I can understand you're a bit put out. May be worth having a chat when she's recovered about where you both stand in this relationship - you don't sound that bothered about her so perhaps it's time to cool things down a bit with her, if not call it quits completely.

Booboooo Fri 17-Jan-20 11:50:47

Because she loves and trusts you.

tripleback Fri 17-Jan-20 11:52:11

She does matter much re than my ex!.She is my girlfriend but I can't help but question the timing and the insistence that I collect her and be her next of kin at this stage of relationship? I am not anintense bloke and to be asked to be next of kin after a casual start to a year old relationship seems a bit full on to me.I am late twenties and am not near long term commitment to marriage or kids.

misspiggy19 Fri 17-Jan-20 11:53:50

I think your girlfriend is being precious. I’ve had general anaesthetic before and didn’t demand anyone stay with me .

tripleback Fri 17-Jan-20 11:55:33

If it was a procedure I was having, my brother or father would collect me and sign off on me and I'd head home. I've had anaesthetics before and teeth pulled so maybe it's because I don't view the procedure asa big issue,I didn't understand why she did.

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