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To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

(359 Posts)
chanellle Thu 16-Jan-20 19:50:25

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

Mrsjayy Thu 16-Jan-20 19:53:55

Your friend is a twat my Dds came away with us at 17 go enjoy your holiday your teenagers sound excited don't let it play on your mind for another minute.

DappledThings Thu 16-Jan-20 19:56:00

Horrible behaviour from your friend.

Your holiday sounds lovely and I hope you have a fab time.

mbosnz Thu 16-Jan-20 19:57:34

Your friend is a twat. And I wonder if she's a tad envious of the great relationship you have with your kids, that they actually want to spend time with you?

My DD's, 16 and 14, both are reasonably popular, good friendship groups and all the rest of it. But they love family holidays. They can just chill, and be themselves, not having to worry about friend dramas and image.

brittabot Thu 16-Jan-20 19:57:43

Have an amazing holiday and don’t pay any mind to your friend’s comment. Is she normally mean?

NearlyGranny Thu 16-Jan-20 19:58:36

With friends like that, who needs enemies? I still love going away with my DC and they're properly grown up! I do city breaks with my DDs (one at a time, not together) and will be taking my DS, DiL and new DGC away in the summer.

Just tell DD your friend is jealous and tfhi g to take the shine off.

bridgetreilly Thu 16-Jan-20 19:59:01

I mean, it's an insensitive comment given your circumstances, but it's not a big deal and shouldn't be given any more head space. It's just thoughtless - lots of teenagers by that age are bored of family holidays and want to go off with friends (though at 17 I would not let them).

NagaisAce Thu 16-Jan-20 19:59:21

My kids are 28,26 and 15. We love our family holidays.
Your friend is an idiot.

chanellle Thu 16-Jan-20 19:59:38

It bothers me so much because it felt very nasty. A lighthearted throwaway comment such as "Ooh, good luck DD a whole week stuck with your parents!" I wouldn't have minded but the exact phrasing she used and the tone of sounded malicious.

It seemed like a dig at me and DH and now has me questioning my entire friendship with her. But then if it was a dig it was completely unprovoked and we haven't had a row so I don't get it.

Branleuse Thu 16-Jan-20 20:00:03

My ds is late teens and comes away with me.
Im in my 40s and go away with my mum sometimes.
Maybe your friend just doesnt understand people who actually get on with their kids?

Traffy Thu 16-Jan-20 20:01:17

I don't think your friend meant anything mean by saying that at all.

It's a throw-away comment, have a wonderful time away!

Bert2020 Thu 16-Jan-20 20:01:19

Your friend is awful! You will have a wonderful time away.

Sunnydaysrock Thu 16-Jan-20 20:02:15

My DD is almost 16 and very much looking forward to our holidays this year. It's lovely that your DD is excited and your friend is an idiot. Do not let it ruin your excitement about the holiday, don't give it anymore head space..but do give your 'friend' a wide berth

SayNoToCarrots Thu 16-Jan-20 20:02:36

Your friend is a dick. Or sad and jealous because her kids hate her?

Angeldelight68 Thu 16-Jan-20 20:03:43

It was a throwaway comment. All the people saying your friend is awful are overreacting. It’s really not that serious

chanellle Thu 16-Jan-20 20:03:55

Maybe I am just being sensitive, I do carry a lot of guilt over how little my children had growing up so maybe the comment just hit a nerve. I go from thinking that to then thinking it was a very nasty dig at me.

Lordfrontpaw Thu 16-Jan-20 20:05:29

I was still going on holiday with my mum when I was 35 (in fact my sister came too and she was 43!).

Sunnydaysrock Thu 16-Jan-20 20:05:52

No it is a horrible thing to say. Completely crushing DDs excitement. What other outcome could she have intended.

CreekIsRising Thu 16-Jan-20 20:06:04

Maybe there's a reason her kids don't want to go on holiday with her, even if she's paying?

Go, and have a great time. We also didn't have a lot of money growing up but my parents pulled all the stops out and took us on a lovely holiday when I was twenty one, which I still remember fondly. It was great to interact with them as adults in a nice environment, doing things like share a glass of wine over a delicious meal sort of thing, rather than going down the pub with my mates and getting wankered which I spent far too much time doing at that age anyway. Sort of taught me to see them as fully rounded people in a different setting, iyswim, and is a very special memory.

By the sounds of it, your kids are all set to have a similar time with you, which they will get a lot out of and which will enrich your interactions with each other for years to come as you support them in their first steps into adulthood. Don't pay her a blind bit of notice and enjoy your holiday, which sounds brilliant.

Lordfrontpaw Thu 16-Jan-20 20:06:18

Guilt? Guilt? The fact that your teens are excited and looking forward to the holiday with you shows that you have definitely done something right!

Traffy Thu 16-Jan-20 20:07:43

It seemed like a dig at me and DH and now has me questioning my entire friendship with her.

That seems quite dramatic, is there the possibility that you're over thinking it? I would understand you feeling sensitive, but honestly I don't see how it's a particularly mean comment, just idle chat.

It's such a shame to let the comment (however it was intended) spoil your enjoyment of looking forward to it - brush it off and think no more of it!

paddingtonbearsmarmalade Thu 16-Jan-20 20:08:46

I’m 27 and have gone away with my dad every year since I was 12. This may stop or reduce this year, not because I don’t enjoy family holidays but because my dad is hard work to be on my own for a week with him hmm

Mum and I are talking about a trip to Sweden and a trip to Granada. A few years ago the three of us went to San Francisco for a family friend’s wedding. We had a great time! Nothing wrong with family holidays and I think it’s amazing that you’re putting your all into making this a holiday they’ll love smile

Mrsjayy Thu 16-Jan-20 20:11:30

We are going away with our dc in April our youngest is 22 we try and do something once a year be it a weekend or longer

Applepea1 Thu 16-Jan-20 20:12:11

My daughter went away with her friends when she was 17 and didn't really enjoy it. Last year she came with us (2 younger siblings) and it was great. We are all going away at Easter this year. Am actually wondering if she's going to come with us forever! Your holiday sounds fab as does your daughters involvement. I suspect the friend was making a joke which backfired.

Catapillarsruletheworld Thu 16-Jan-20 20:14:21

Your friends an arse.

Dd1 is 15 and I can’t see her not wanting to come in two years time.

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