To think this may be disability discrimination (but not really be able to do anything about it)?

[PinkyU]

I’ve been looking for a dance class for my youngest two DD’s, one is neurotypical (NT - no disability) and one is neurodiverse (ND - has a developmental/cognitive disability/condition).

I contacted a dance school requesting a trial for both lo’s and briefly explained my youngest’s DD is autistic and has developmental delays, that I would stay within the building at all times, was able to help her in the lesson if allowed, was happy with a class for younger children to suit her needs better. Basically would bend over backwards in order to help lo participate in the lesson.

Received a message saying that they would take my older dd but could not accommodate my youngest due to her needs (which I did not specify), that she, the owner, has taught children with “a bit of autism”, but didn’t feel the class was “right” for my lo. She based this solely on me saying that my lo has additional needs, not on what those needs are.

Aibu to think that this is disability discrimination (under reasonable adjustments), but to know there’s very little point in fighting it because they just don’t want my little girl?

[Racoonworld]

I have no idea if this would be classed as discrimination or not but think this is awful! I’d look for a different dance school who will hopefully have a better attitude

[PinkyU]

It’s definitely left me feeling quite deflated, we’re not having the easiest time health wise with lo just now, so everything feels magnified, I wasn’t sure if I was overreacting.

[ImFreeToDoWhatIWant]

It's definitely discrimination, I wouldn't fight it either - the relationship is already broken because of her prejudice, I wouldn't send my asd child there now even if she reversed position. I'd find another class for your other daughter too.

[PinkyU]

Yeah, we definitely wouldn’t be using their dance school.

I’m probably being a bit sensitive due to lo’s I’ll health recently but this experience has knocked me for six and left me feeling anxious about approaching other schools, I’m not sure I’d manage more rejection of my lo. Probably being a bit pathetic with that though.

[PinkyU]

And that’s now a second dance school said they can’t accommodate her!

Should I just not tell them of her disability beforehand and just show up?!!! (I couldn’t actually do that because she does need reasonable adjustments made/some patience and understanding).

[CMOTDibbler]

You might want to look at whether Flamingo Chicks have classes in your area

[soapboxqueen]

Yes it is but I'm suprised they are actually responding. I usually just get ghosted as soon as SEND gets mentioned.

[PinkyU]

Thank you, unfortunately it doesn’t look like there are any classes near us, it looks fantastic though!!

[Serin]

Yes its absolutely horrendous.
I often think it's a shame that there isnt somewhere you could report it, that would act on her behalf to flag up how awful they are being. A bit like how I hope Stonewall would act to defend people against homophobia.
I'd be tempted to out them on social media and no way would I take my NT DC to any club that acted in this way.

[ValleyClouds]

They are responding because they still want the NT child as a client. I know were you are coming from with this OP and it is so disheartening.

No one realises how bad disability discrimination really is in this country until they witness it first hand through knowing a disabled person personally.

I am a wheelchair user and the number of able people who have been with me and watched me be treated as "less than" and then turned to me and said "my eyes have been opened just by knowing you" must be in the 100s if not 1000s by now.

[SimonJT]

I’m not sure if it would legally fit the definition of discrimination, the phrase “a bit of autism” is so so ignorant.

My son is hearing impaired and missing some toes, he has recently started ballet and we struggled as it took a while to find a school that had access to a loop. However all schools were nice and offered reasonable adjustments.

[Minky35]

I think you should research some more groups and find some with a more ‘inclusive’ mindset. From my experience dance classes are very competitive and focused on winning competitions, the one I have experience of had some very ‘alpha’ parents.
However in my area I’ve noticed there a a couple of groups which actively welcome disabled children but these are drama and singing clubs. Does it have to be a dance club, I suspect you may get more inclusivity elsewhere?

[StillMedusa]

We found the same. My youngest has autism and learning disabilities and very mild physical disabilties..and is a gentle easy going person.
We wanted him to join a drama group as once he could talk he loved singing and music.
Stagecoach 'couldn't meet his needs' (not that they bothered to meet him) Luckily we eventually found a group that welcomed him with open arms, and he was with them from 8-18! They put in extra support when he needed it... just offered.. and by the time he was 18 he played Mr Lyons in their production of Blood Brothers, and the confidence that group gave him was incredible.
Keep looking .there will be a group out there that doesn't write a child off because of a label!

[Stressedout10]

That's awful I've faced the same trying to get swimming lessons for my ds. I started trying when he turned 5 he's 11 next month and still can't swim

[DriveInSaturday]

The best thing is recommendations from other parents. Are you a member of the NAS, or your local authority parent forum for children with SEND? My local NAS branch often circulates emails asking if anyone knows a good hairdresser, swimming class etc. If you go to any meetings yourself, you will meet other parents and find out where they go, so it's worth going occasionally if you can, even if you don't like meetings.

As other posters have said, you don't want either of your DDs going to a dance school that isn't even prepared to meet your DD, because they just won't be geared up to support her.

I

[DriveInSaturday]

Sorry about the stray I, don't know how that got there.

[OlivejuiceU2]

This is awful. It might be some 20 odd years ago but when I went to dance school we had two people on our class that had a form of disability. They were never treated differently.

[itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted]

Many dance classes just have one teacher and could be 2 dozen kids with maybe a student assistant - your description of your DDs condition could perhaps sound more disruptive than is actually the case and this has probably put them off?

If you hand on heart don't think your DD is likely to be disruptive or require additional support from the teacher then don't mention it to the next club you enquire about (after all parents knowingly sign their kids up to classes knowing full well they can be naughty little buggers who don't take direction but don't declare that when enquiring)

They probably think your DD will require more one to one support which is then going to detract from the lesson for the other kids - If that is the case perhaps looks for a specific class catering to a range of needs? If not don't mention it to the next one

[makingmammaries]

The only way I got my ASD son back into school, aged 4, after he had been expelled from a place that was charging mega-fees for so-called inclusive provision, was by NOT mentioning his disability when I enrolled him in state school (France). I don’t know if a dance class can actually expel your DD once she is enrolled, assuming her behaviour is not disruptive. Asking for extra support is always a minefield, though.

[katmandoo]

It is discrimination and @itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted response is typical of the kind of casual discrimination that people feel is okay. You offered the school a reasonable adjustments in being present and they have still turned you down.
I would find another school but I have taken to reporting every group I find who ghosts me or is blatant like this group are.

www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/advice-and-guidance/disability-discrimination

I don't really care what the upshot is I just want them to understand how bloody awful it is to have doors shut in your face.

On another note not sure if this is a general thing but in this area karate clubs are really inclusive and often encouraging of people with autism as they feel it is an advantage even with the accompanying issues of difficulties with fine and gross movement many autistic children have. My two love it.

My sister daughter is autistic and attends a dance school and the instructor loves her because she follows the instructions to the letter and practices when she can't get it right.

Good luck

[WeHaveSnowdrops]

It's really hard when there is only one teacher. There are no reasonable adjustments she can make when she's on her own.

I used to work in a setting where we had dance and drama classes and we welcomed children with disabilities but, unfortunately, we had to insist that they had a carer with them as all the tutors worked alone so were unable to support children with extra needs.

[Retroflex]

What exactly have you said in your enquiry? It's very strange and disturbing that 2 classes have refused your disabled child without a full understanding of what the additional needs are...

You could always put a post on a local Facebook group, giving details of the problems you have faced so far, and ask if anyone can recommend a class nearby for both children...

[Welshmaenad]

Where are you, OP?

I feel very lucky that my children's stage school (they both do musical theatre classes so a pretty heavy combo of dance, singing and acting) has bent over backwards to accommodate my DD who has cerebral palsy. They are always trying to make sure routines etc can be adapted if needed or that she has some kind of special alternative role if she can't manage a routine. They liaise with me regularly to make sure they are doing all they can. She's recently sat her first lot of LAMDA exams. So there are places out there who will a accommodate children with additional needs and help them flourish. I hope you find one - if you're in South Wales message me and I'll hook you up!

[Retroflex]

Exactly @WeHaveSnowdrops the parent could stay to assist with her child, but it seems she wasn't given that option, just a "no"

[Smileyaxolotl1]

I’m genuinely shocked at this.
I am involved in a local theatre and we have had a number of non-neurotypical people involved in various roles.
My sister in law also runs a performance group and I’m sure she would be happy to accept children with additional needs.
If you say which area you are in perhaps someone here can offer suggestions as to places which would be more inclusive.