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To want to spend my birthday alone?

(10 Posts)
WTFKaren Wed 15-Jan-20 01:34:03

I found out a few months ago that my husband had been serially unfaithful over a period of 18 months. Rightly or wrongly, we are in counselling and trying to repair things. We have 2 DC (10 and 8). It’s my 40th this summer and I just want to hide away. Last year he was having a full blown affair and the year before when I was badly injured following a freak accident he was also having an affair with someone else. I then had a car crash. There’s not a good history. After the birth of DC2 (our birthdays are weeks apart) I found inappropriate emails from him to 3 other women so to show his love for me and how sorry he was, he organised a surprise family get together when I was about 6 weeks postpartum. I still had leaking boobs, was devastated about the emails and I was so sleep deprived. Then I had to put on a happy face for all my family. Some drama always seems to happen around my birthday so this year I just want to go away by myself for a couple of days. I realise this is totally selfish because my DCs will want to celebrate but all I think about when I think of my birthday is bad memories. So AIBU and totally selfish to up and leave for a couple of nights?

Strokethefurrywall Wed 15-Jan-20 01:36:33

Errr given your monumentally selfish bellend of a husband, I'd say your 40th is the perfect time to be selfish.

And then give yourself a gift of a divorce from this massive shitbag of a man. Fucking hell.

Topseyt Wed 15-Jan-20 01:40:21

I don't think that would be an unreasonable thing to do at all. It would give you some space to think.

You have been through a very tough time, and your husband sounds like an arse, to be honest.

OlaEliza Wed 15-Jan-20 02:00:54

You should up and leave your DH, if you ask me.

SameOldHorrorStory Wed 15-Jan-20 02:33:51

I know it’s so easy to say divorce and I know you’ve mentioned rightly or wrongly, and nobody is in your situation but you. But you are not yet 40 years old. You are still young. This man has had two affairs with other people, when you were at very vulnerable periods in your life. He will do it again. I’m not saying that to be nasty, I’m saying it as a fact, he WILL do it again. Please pick yourself up, get some perspective and self worth and try and plan how you are going to create your new life with your cheating scumbag of a husband in it as infrequently as possible.

agonyauntie2020 Wed 15-Jan-20 02:40:05


EL8888 Wed 15-Jan-20 02:45:49

Your birthday and your choice. You don’t have to justify it to anyone

I know your post isn’t about your future with your husband but I don’t think he’s going to change. You either accept his philandering ways or split from him

midwest Wed 15-Jan-20 03:15:44

I would just up and leave.
This level of infidelity doesn't sound solvable.
You are worth more as a human being than this.

PurpleBee39 Wed 15-Jan-20 03:25:35

Hi OP, YANBU. After all the difficulties you have been through you deserve to have a couple of days to yourself on your birthday.
Please make sure you take some time to think whether this man is the one you want to be with. He has treated you so badly and you deserve better.
Best of luck to you for the future x

Ishotmrburns Wed 15-Jan-20 03:32:54

Please do this for yourself. Enjoy your birthday.

Then when you get home, if there's time, pop in to see a divorce lawyer. Just a suggestion.

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