Half job husband(52 Posts)
Does anyone else have one of theE? AIBU to expect a full job to be done?
Some examples of HJH- feel free to add your own HJH experiences-
- emptying bin by placing outside front door rather than in black bin, and then not replacing bin bag or lid
- cleaning kitchen after dinner, and leaving washing up bowl upside down with dirty cloths on it, food clogging up the sink essential to leave in situ
- changing toddler nappy and then leaving soiled nappy and used wipes on carpet and walking off
- kicking shoes off when coming in, and leaving to amass in huge pile behind front door so impossible to get in or out with buggy. Cupboard less than a foot away.
- doing the washing and then sprinkling the wet clothes around the house on doors, chairs, bannisters- anywhere other than radiators or aired or tumble dryer, so it always ends up smelling a bit damp as it's left out for at least five days
- ironing a new shirt for work, leaving ironing board, iron, and shirt wrapper on landing for four days (and counting)
I'm 30 weeks pregnant so perhaps that why patience is running thin. I feel like I do most housework, and then also end up finishing off what he has started
We call this “shit shifting” in our house. It basically means someone starts something but never actually finishes it. Mostly this is a laundry based activity eg. Puts a load of laundry on but then leaves it in the machine. Or...empties tumble dryer but leaves clothes in an unfolded heap in some random spot in the house. Drives me insane. If you start a job you should jolly well finish it.
Leaving paired socks in the middle of the living room rather than correct bedroom drawer.
Yes to half done bin
Yes to crap left in the sink
Kitchen sides not wiped or floor swept
Cups left next to the dishwasher
Dog poo picked up and bags left in a pile in the garden.
Bed made bit bottom sheet not secured or pulled on properly
..... anyway .....
I'm sorry that you think this is the norm but it isn't I honestly couldn't live with someone who behaves like that! We all take a short cut every now and then but if he is regularly just a lazy arse who expects you to do the lions share then you really have set a low bar
Letters opened, envelopes left on the work surface. Printer ink changed, empty cartridge on the desk.
I call mine Arthur. Because he does arfur job.
Mine too. Everything he does takes multiple steps, for example
1. brings mail in and puts on side
2. after a day or so opens mail
3. leaves mail and discarded envelopes and junk mail on side
4. moves mail into kitchen near the recycling bin for many days
5. Finally places in recycling
My method involves bringing mail in and opening while walking to recycling bin, place immediately in recycling.
Part of the problem will be that in his mind he will have ticked all these jobs off as him having done them and therefore he will be congratulating himself on having done lots of jobs - and of you ask him to finish stuff he will see it as him having to do more than his fair share as it’s another job (in his mind as it’s disconnected from the one that he has ‘done’) and will also see you as unreasonable and nagging...
Obviously you’re not!
But getting him to shift his mindset so he sees that by half doing a job he is creating not only the rest of the job to be done but potentially bigger other jobs as fallout from the half done stuff. The one that springs to mind is the nappy just left - if your child starts toddling and picks it/the wipes up up and starts spreading poo around for example.
If you’re seriously pg then use it to your advantage - tell him very directly all the issues and blame it on hormones if he gets angry or upset at you. Ask him why he hates/has so little thought for you that he wants you to struggle and injure yourself wrestling pram through the door, and why does he not want to put shoes away when he knows it causes you such problems? Or why does he want you or dc to trip and fall over stuff left in the middle of the floor? And so on.
There’s a great article somebody wrote about why they divorced their dh because they didn’t put their dirty coffee cup in the dusgwasher or something similar - something very trivial but repeatedly doing it showed the disrespect the dh has for his dw and that he thought he was better than her as he didn’t feel the need to do stuff but expected her to do it. If you can find it, it would be a great article for ideas on how to tell your dh to buck his ideas up - not suggesting you divorce him!
Same. I can always tell which jobs he's 'done' as there's some kind of evidence left behind. Examples are:
Hoovers up but leaves hoover complete with trailing wire in the corner of a room
Sweeps kitchen but leaves the pile of mess in the corner
Cleans bathroom but cleaning products including dirty cloths left on the sink for days on end
Gets toddler dressed but dirty PJs, towel, used nappy etc left in a pile
Wheelie bin taken most of the way in, but left outside gate rather than brought into the back garden
I often wonder if he's like this at work or just saves it all for me.
I can be guilty of half arsing tasks- tidying the kitchen but neglecting to wipe the table, sorting the clean laundry but leaving it folded on a chair instead of taking it straight upstairs etc.
The examples you give are different though- some of them are plain disgusting (leaving the dirty nappy and wipes! What the fuck?!) and all of them are v disrespectful to you.
Picked up (fizzy drink) can and gave it a shake - it's empty. Picked up another can and gave it a shake - it's empty too. Put both empty cans back down on the side table. Walked to kitchen to get a new can from the fridge, opened and drank. Now there are 3 empty cans on the table. The recycling bin is next to the fridge.
Omg all of these sound absolutely infuriating
Yes......to all!!! So infuriating!
What’s worse for me is that DH works away a lot so is here less than 50% of the time, this really really highlights it when he is.
The above guardian link sums it up.
You ask him to take the bottles for the baby out of the dishwasher. He does that and that only.
Leaves the rest of the dishwasher full. Doesn't restack.
Walks past a pile of clothes on the floor.
I call mine half-job-harry.
If it was me asked to get something out of the dishwasher I'd empty the dishwasher and restack it.
I'd pick up towels and laundry and do the laundry from start to finish. Put it on. Fold clean stuff. Take upstairs and put away. Hang out the wet stuff.
What's he say when you ask him?
My late Husband is dead now,and he was the tidiest man around, never left anything out of order. I would like him to come back, as I am a bit messy sometimes !!
Mine pours himself a drink and puts the can on the side, then walks outside empty handed to have a ciggy.
Which he smokes beside the recycling bins!!
Bringing shopping in from car. Puts away frozen and refrigerated stuff so it doesn't go bad/defrost. Leaves every other item on kitchen bench.
Cooks a lovely meal. Leaves all packaging on side of kitchen bench, as well as vegetable peelings and every pot in the kitchen.
Mops floor (after being nagged to death to do it). Leaves mop and bucket full of dirty water in middle of kitchen floor.
There are hundreds more but I don't want to make myself feel depressed.
Joining the club. Some of the above + some more 😁 In his defense, not doing it on purpose and he's getting better after me telling him about it 48485050 times.
He’ll take one pair of clean socks (from a whole load) upstairs and put them on, rather than take all his socks upstairs.
When my three sons were aged around pre teen years they would do part of jobs I asked them to do. They are now all old enough to be grandfathers but a I, and they remember it well.
I instilled in my boys responsibility for others. I was a full time working mum and my husband was a fireman in shift duty so for all this to work we ALZl had to do jobs and be responsible because I not prepared to carry the workload as the only female with four men in the house.
So,... when I realised I was constantly picking up the remnants of half finished jobs I acted quickly and amazingly the problem was soon easilysorted out - much to my relief.
When I cooked dinner, chips and egg was a favourite then Ai would cook the chips and put a fresh egg still in its shell on the plate. If half a job was ok for them, it was for me too,
I warned them wash just the fronts of boxer shorts, give them half pocket money, drop them off half way to school, give them half drinks, half size snacks for school. I can remember offering cold hot dogs and raw onions once because a I couldn’t be bothered to finish the job......you get my drift.
My tactics did not last long, everyone learned that sloppy laziness was not tolerated and it worked. No bones broken, no angry words. As my old Irish grandmother used to say “If you treat people the way they treat you you have nothing to worry about”.
My DH is the same I'm always saying you only do half the job.
Empties bin, no new bag
Loads dishwasher after dinner(rarely) literally that doesn't wipe down sides or put sauces salt and pepper away
Baths toddler like literally I dress said toddler pick up dirty clothes, take toys out the bath and wipe down bathroom
His excuse he works while I sit at home all day.
Loads dishwasher but doesn't switch it on.
Empties dishwasher but leaves random things in the worktop claiming he doesn't know where it lives.
Unravels the hosepipe to clean something and doesn't reel it back in (he might need to use it again next week)
Does some ironing but leaves it folded on the bed.
Washes up but leaves dirty water in the sink.
Opens post/packages but leaves envelopes/packaging on the sofa.
Comes in from work, removes shoes (that live in his wardrobe), leaves them in the living room and goes upstairs to change.
If he does half a job, send him back to finish it. If he questions it, ask him why he thinks it is Acceptable to expect you to complete it for him. Every time.
Op, youre pregnant. This is when women notice the shitty laziness of their partners. It will only get worse. Dont think it is normal. Dont allow yourself to think it is acceptable and ‘just what men do.’ It isnt. It is what shitty lazy men do and what some women will put up with. Tackle it.
Yep! Half a job Harry (he's not called Harry).
Puts laundry next to the laundry basket. Washes about two thirds of the pots and leaves the rest. Puts away fridge and freezer shopping and leaves the ambient stuff on the side. Hoovers but then leaves the Hoover on the landing.
It's still less than I'd need to do if lived alone, and I long since learned to pick my battles. He's awesome in every other way, so its livable-with!
My small children know if it isn't actually in the wash basket, it doesn't get washed. Surely it isn't hard for an adult to learn that?
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