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To be a bit peeved by what DH said....

(151 Posts)
Kiwiorange Tue 14-Jan-20 20:35:22

So this isn’t a first world problem I totally realise this and it’s mainly light hearted although part of me was a bit annoyed...

So DH has been around the block in younger days. Slow with about 50ish women. That was a problem for me at first but not I’m indifferent as I’ve got far bigger things to be worrying about in life.

Noe I’m a bit OTT and even as a kid I couldn’t drink from a can that someone else had drank from (I still can’t now) as I dont like the thought of someone’s saliva being in it.

As a teenager I wouldn’t kiss ransoms for the sake of it as I found it gross. Don’t get me wrong if I really fancied them I would but not just for the sake of it.

So DH normally showers as he thinks baths are full of your own dirt which is fair perhaps. Showers broken so I had a bath and it was taking ages to drain so I said to DH would he mind if I left done of my bath water (I’d just got out) and topped it up with hot.

He made a joking comment but he was serious and I thought you cheeky sod!! You’ve shared bodily fluids with more women than I care to image, yet you’re a bit grossed out by popping in the bath where I have used some of the bath water?!!

I mean, have I gut a valid point to be miffed/hurt?!

Curiosity101 Tue 14-Jan-20 20:38:57

It can be really weird what we're grossed out by. Obviously I've kissed my husband but I wouldn't use his toothbrush... I'd imagine your husband felt very genuine about what he said and meant no offence so I'd have to let it slide.

Namechanger212333333333 Tue 14-Jan-20 20:39:29

How many people he has slept with prior to you is clearly an issue still!

I’ve slept with a lot of men before meeting DH and him the same......but erm don’t get how that comes into your mind when talking about bath water?!!!!

roiseandjim Tue 14-Jan-20 20:39:28

It's irrelevant of how many people he's slept with, he didn't want to bathe in your bath water. Absolutely fair enough!

Namechanger212333333333 Tue 14-Jan-20 20:40:29

Especially when you know he thinks baths are like bathing in your own dirt... so he’s bathing in your dirt essentially in his eyes!

Walkingdeadfangirl Tue 14-Jan-20 20:40:58

Why would anyone get washed in dirty water?

MiniGuinness Tue 14-Jan-20 20:41:35

He thought you had peed in it.

Kiwiorange Tue 14-Jan-20 20:44:52


Well it was an issue yes but not so now until something like this comes up.

As I’ve said, shared boiler fluids with random strangers many many times, fine with that, yet struggled to share bath water with wife.

Popc0rn Tue 14-Jan-20 20:44:56

Failing to see what the number of women he's slept with has to do with sharing bath water tbh confused.

What did he actually say?

Kiwiorange Tue 14-Jan-20 20:45:21

Bodily* I mean 😳

JasonPollack Tue 14-Jan-20 20:46:51

You're obviously quite hung up on his past. Bet you bring it up in arguments.

BaolFan Tue 14-Jan-20 20:47:48

It's quite weird that you are so hung up about your husband's past relationships and sexual partners. You sound quite judgemental of him which is silly, because it's none of your business.

Elbeagle Tue 14-Jan-20 20:47:57

Him sleeping with lots of women has absolutely nothing to do with his views on bath water.
I kissed a lot of men in my 20’s. I hate drinking out of a bottle that anyone else has drank out of. I kiss DH daily. I wouldn’t share his toothbrush.

Curiosity101 Tue 14-Jan-20 20:48:01

@Kiwiorange - "Well it was an issue yes but not so now until something like this comes up."

You may not realise it, but this definitely is still an issue for you otherwise it wouldn't come up.

HotSince82 Tue 14-Jan-20 20:48:29

Wow. Thats is not logical.
You are asking him to submerge his entire body in a body of water that may contain your feacal matter/dead skin cells etc because he once dipped his dick in to other women's vaginal secretions?
Cop on love.
In the nicest possible way.

SimonJT Tue 14-Jan-20 20:48:37

How on earth are the two things related? I’ve had loads of knobs in my mouth, it doesn’t mean I would for example share a toothbrush with someone.

You clearly have issues with his sex life before you, you’re the only one who can work through those issues.

BaolFan Tue 14-Jan-20 20:50:01

I wasn't my DH's first sexual partner - I don't want to share his toothbrush or use his bathwater.

If you were so bothered about him having prior experience then you should have married a virgin, shouldn't you?

MyNewBearTotoro Tue 14-Jan-20 20:50:19

Kissing or having sex is totally different to sitting in somebody’s dirty bath water. I wouldn’t want to sit in anybody’s dirty bath water and that’s got no bearing on how many people I have or haven’t slept with.

Oysterbabe Tue 14-Jan-20 20:50:28

Yabu. I share bodily fluids with my husband but I wouldn't want to bathe in a soup of his grime and skin cells.

FTMF30 Tue 14-Jan-20 20:53:10

YABU. Wife or not, I understand why he wouldn't want to bathe in remains of your used bath water. No need for you to be offended.

Elbeagle Tue 14-Jan-20 20:53:33

Well it was an issue yes but not so now until something like this comes up

But it hasn’t ‘come up’, as the two things are unrelated. It has come up because you still have an issue with it.
Slightly off topic, but how can you have an issue with how many people someone has slept with before they even met you, as long as it was safe and consensual?

Hassled Tue 14-Jan-20 20:54:34

My DH and DCs seem quite happy to re-use my bathwater but the thought of reusing theirs makes me wince. Just no. I'm not germ-phobic and am otherwise probably too laid back in terms of acceptable levels of dirt, but I won't share bathwater. I know it makes no sense. So don't take it personally - it's certainly not personal in my case.

Highonpotandused Tue 14-Jan-20 20:57:44

What's it do with you how he has his bath? confused

You take out the plug, give the tub a bit of a rinse, job done. Let him worry about his water, you sound controlling, OP.

PaperbackBlighter Tue 14-Jan-20 20:58:51

The fact that you even draw those parallels makes me think that you think about his sexual history often and it really bothers you.

Justmuddlingalong Tue 14-Jan-20 20:58:54

He doesn't like sitting in his own dirt as he puts it. So, I think he'd fancy a bath sitting in both yours and his, even less. That is nothing whatsoever to do with his sexual history from before he met you. His past obviously still bothers you.

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