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To not want to compliment people who answer like this

(173 Posts)
Shesacrazy Tue 14-Jan-20 13:46:23

Settle an argument between me and DP-

He thinks I’m being unreasonable as I refuse point blank to compliment someone after I’ve paid them a compliment and they have answered with “I know”

I.e
“Your looking fantastic”
“I know I do”

Or
“That outfits gorgeous on you”
“I know it is”

Or
“You suit that hairstyle so much”
“I know, that’s why it’s like it”

I’m all for people being confident and totally love giving compliments as I know it boosts peoples day, but this response to me is a conversation killer.
Why not answer “thanks” or make conversation about it, just had your hair done, nails done, found a new shop with nice styles then tell me about it!

AIBU to just not pay second compliments to people who have answered as such in the past? He thinks I shouldn’t change who I compliment based on reactions as self confidence is not arrogance. I’m not particularly saying it’s arrogant but it’s not something I’d like to repeat.

OccasionalNachos Tue 14-Jan-20 13:49:25

It’s possibly a bit smug/grating but better than faux modesty (or disagreeing and saying you look like a sack of shit) Agree that you don’t compliment someone based on expecting a certain reaction, that’s just insincere.

hopeishere Tue 14-Jan-20 13:51:11

Do you know many people who actually answer like that? I don't i have ever paid anyone a compliment and received one of those answers!

FriedasCarLoad Tue 14-Jan-20 13:51:54

Sounds so arrogant!

gamerchick Tue 14-Jan-20 13:53:24

I'd much prefer that than the false modesty. That does grind on me a bit.

BlueEyedFloozy Tue 14-Jan-20 13:54:08

Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

I'd say it's more arrogant to change your attitude to someone because they don't answer in a way you deem acceptable tbh.

Watermelontea Tue 14-Jan-20 13:54:50

What a strange thing to decide on!
Do you think they are so happy with their appearance that they don’t need you commenting on it to add to their good self-esteem? If I genuinely thought somebody I knew looked lovely I’d tell them, I’m not doing it for the thanks.
Everyone enjoys a compliment, even if they don’t take them particularly well,

MeetmeinParis Tue 14-Jan-20 13:55:05

I've done this in the past through sheer embarrassment and inability to take a compliment without getting flustered about how to respond, its usually done in a faux confident way over the top fashion though to show I dont really think it.

DesLynamsMoustache Tue 14-Jan-20 13:55:39

Are they really saying it like that? Or are they saying it like 'I know, I'm really pleased with it' or 'I know, Ioved it when I saw it in the shop'. I've never met anyone who says just 'I know' to a compliment when not in jest.

Cryingoverspilttea Tue 14-Jan-20 13:56:27

They're saying "shut up, I don't want your compliment" so just maybe stop 🤷‍♀️ because they obviously want you to.

Justmuddlingalong Tue 14-Jan-20 13:57:09

Is it your DP's sister who does this?

LolaSmiles Tue 14-Jan-20 13:58:13

I'd rather than than false modesty. There's something irritating saying something nice to someone only for them to deny it. It ends up awkward and then I find myself pushed into another compliment to counter their false modesty.

Sometimes "I know" is reasonable. Eg. A friend said "I know" when I said their dress for prom was nice. They weren't being smug, they said "I know! It took long enough to find one" and we had a laugh because they had a struggle getting a nice dress for a reasonable price to fit.

A polite "thank you" with a little elaboration or compliment back depending on conversation is a better response though.

dayswithaY Tue 14-Jan-20 13:59:12

British people don't know how to accept a compliment. The only answer anyone should ever give is "Thank you."

AryaStarkWolf Tue 14-Jan-20 13:59:55

YABU, clearly you were only complimenting them to get something back rather than genuinely complimenting them

CaptainCabinets Tue 14-Jan-20 14:00:39

That actually sounds quite refreshing! I’d love to be confident and happy enough in my appearance to be able to genuinely agree with compliments smile

Jamhandprints Tue 14-Jan-20 14:01:39

Yabu, I much prefer that to simpering modesty:
"I love your dress, its the perfect colour for you!"
"Oh really? I hate it, I think it makes me look like a hoover bag"
If your compliment is genuine you are not bestowing it on a worthy recipient, you are just making uplifting conversation.

Batqueen Tue 14-Jan-20 14:02:41

The examples you give sound smug and annoying so would annoy me

Self confident replies that I would be all for would be:

‘I love your scarf - it really suits you!’
‘Oh thanks! I love it too, It’s my favourite accessory at the moment’

‘Your hair looks great’
‘Thanks! I must admit I can’t stop tossing my head and showing it off at the moment!’

mummyh2016 Tue 14-Jan-20 14:04:05

I know someone who does this. Shes a nob.

lazylinguist Tue 14-Jan-20 14:04:27

Oh come off it, folks.

"That shirt looks great on you!"

a) Thanks!
b) Oh thanks, yes I really like it and feel like it suits me!
c) I know.
d) Oh this old thing?! <looks down at obviously brand new designer shirt>. Do you think so? I think it makes me look horribly fat <flexes size 8 body>
e) Oh really? Thanks! It only cost me £4 in a charity shop.

a, b & e - Perfectly fine, genuine responses (b acknowledges she looks good, but not arrogantly, c is modest but not falsely so)

c & d - twats

sonjadog Tue 14-Jan-20 14:08:01

I have never heard anyone answer with "I know".

Is this one person in particular that does this?

Namestranger Tue 14-Jan-20 14:11:06

I regularly get quite drastic haircut/dye jobs and when people say "I love you new hair" I often go "Cheers, I love it so much". Or if someone says I like your dress I'll say "thanks, it's my favourite one actually!" or something like that. I think you've picked weird examples to make your imaginary responder sound smugger. Very few people will reply "I know" (with no "thanks") to "That outfit is gorgeous on you"
or "you suit that hairstyle so much" but not many people would word it like that. Most people would just say "I like your dress" or I like your haircut". Which is indirectly a compliment to the designer/hairdresser too. So they wouldn't sound as smug as your examples saying "It's fab isn't it!" just like you're happy that you own something cool.

bsc Tue 14-Jan-20 14:11:08

I, too, have never heard anyone say 'i know'!
But....how would you know they'd respond this before you compliment them?

Bluntness100 Tue 14-Jan-20 14:11:24

Who does that? Is it your husband? I've never met anyone who responds like that to a compliment. You've written this like it's everyone you know.confused

Hoppinggreen Tue 14-Jan-20 14:12:19

I have literally never heard anyone say that, is this the same person?
Would you rather they say “no, I look awful” so you can say “no you don’t “ and you can argue about it for a bit?

Urkiddingright Tue 14-Jan-20 14:12:30

It does sound arrogant but I also hate false modesty like ‘really, do you think so? I wasn’t so sure’ when you can tell they know they look good.

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