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to be cross when my husband does stinking farts

(41 Posts)
spugs Wed 29-Aug-07 19:23:30

when im 11 wks pregnant and feeling bleugh!!!!
GIT

spugs Wed 29-Aug-07 19:24:06

oh andf then he walks out the room with a smile on his face angry

Wilkie Wed 29-Aug-07 19:25:41

Keep a box of matches handy. Light one - it gets rid of smell.

Wilkie Wed 29-Aug-07 19:26:02

And no, YANBU grin

spugs Wed 29-Aug-07 19:27:47

hes a smelly bastard, has just this minute done the afore mentioned, im sure he has a bet on with himself that he will make me throw up!!

sugar34plum Wed 29-Aug-07 19:28:01

men are pigs!! I nearly burst my very recent c section open couple of years back when h farted in the car. Was on the motorway gagging out the window!! and i mean gagging it was vile. Still hit him now whenever i think about it grin

sugar34plum Wed 29-Aug-07 19:28:51

sorry but pmsl!!!!

VoluptuaGoodshag Wed 29-Aug-07 19:29:26

My DH does noisy ones. Don't know if that's better but he gets up in the middle of the night for a slash (his exact words because he has to tell me where he is going - like I care or couldn't have guessed) and then he farts in the toilet but it's really loud and even more so with toilet accoustics. He then stumbles back into bed, all proud and falls immediately asleep. Meantime I've been woken up by him getting up in the first place because he doesn't get out of bed gently, he speaks to me and then he farts.

Git also!

kerrykatona Wed 29-Aug-07 19:29:33

my husband farted in front of my mum the night i went into labour with dd1, my mum said it almost killed her, she said the house was still stinking 2 hours after we left.

Wilkie Wed 29-Aug-07 19:30:29

Voluptua - what is that about men? DH can't pee without farting hmm

EmsMum Wed 29-Aug-07 19:32:06

YABU grin... the only way to avoid this is to be a lesbian and use a turkey baster instead of having a husband. Haven't you seen the man's version of the wedding vows, they have to promise to make horrid smells and be proud of it.

I like the idea of lighting a match, might make him think you're trying to ignite it...

sugar34plum Wed 29-Aug-07 19:33:29

worst still the kids tend to inherit it. DD is 14 months and many a time since birth my mum has gone to change her foul bum armed with 20 or so baby wipes only to discover my princess had wind! Always followed by the remark " well we know who's your bl**dy father!! "

VoluptuaGoodshag Wed 29-Aug-07 19:34:46

I know Wilkie - and because they are straining to pee, the fart comes out in different tones. Well my DH does anyway - a champion farter.

He does them outside and thinks they are barely audible but is completely oblivious to everyone within about 50 feet who has turned to look to see who would dare have the audacity to fart so loudly in public. It's obviously him too because he can't just fart without him pausing mid stride to allow it to escape properly

sugar34plum Wed 29-Aug-07 19:34:48

and just like her father she has a smile on her face!! lol

Wilkie Wed 29-Aug-07 19:39:56

Voluptua - grin DH went to the loo with the door open the other day when my parents were here and did the loudest fart ever blush

He claimed he forgot they were there!!!!!

My dad was impressed hmm but my mum was horrified grin

VoluptuaGoodshag Wed 29-Aug-07 19:42:19

The most annoying thing is that he refuses point blank to fart in front of his mother! I mean, she's the only person in the world who will have wiped his arse but she is held in such reverence

corblimeymadam Wed 29-Aug-07 19:46:33

Message withdrawn

Shoshable Wed 29-Aug-07 19:54:53

My DH managed to clear a coach load of soldiers, with the smell, and has actually woken me up, retching, and he is so proud of it, goes into work bragging about it!

Once when camping, left DH and DGD in the tent while I went to the shower, as I got out of the tent DGD got out of her sleeping bag and got in with Grandad (she was about 4 at the time) as I came back I saw her shoot out of our tent under the flap without undoing the zip properly out run across the grass straight into o0ur friends tent opposite Like a scalded rabbit,, heard said friend say 'Oh has Grandad done one' i got to the tent to see a very green looking granddaughter. went to our tent, opened the tent up, OMG.

Other children from the group dared each other to go near grin

DGD is now almost 12 and has never ever let her grandfather forget it.

His lordship lay there very pleased with himself!

EmsMum Wed 29-Aug-07 20:28:57

If any men are watching this thread can one please explain why they are proud of the fart feat?

My dog has the grace to look faintly embarrassed when he lets off for goodness sakes.

Wilkie Wed 29-Aug-07 20:32:21

Emsmum - have just asked DH this question and he pondered for a minute and then said 'Dunno actually' hmm

TheMaskedPoster Wed 29-Aug-07 20:34:52

LMAO

I so could have written this thread title! I am right there with you spugs ... however I am only 8wks +5

commiserations for us

whomovedmychocolate Wed 29-Aug-07 20:37:48

Shall I cheer you up with my farting joke?

A wife gets really cheesed off because every morning her DH wakes up with a noisy smelly fart. She says to him 'one day, you are going to fart your guts out and then you'll be sorry'.

But he just smiles back, winding her up even more.

So she goes to the butchers and buys a large back of intestines and guts and the next morning gets up early and places them in the bed next to her husband.

She sits downstairs drinking coffee waiting for the inevitable parp, which is followed by a small yelp.

She smiles to herself, but is surprised when he doesn't appear.

Some minutes later, he appears, white faced but looking triumphant.

'Hey love you were right' he says. 'I woke up and farted and I shat my guts right out, but by the grace of god and using a tubful of vaseline I think I've got them all back in there'

grin

EmsMum Wed 29-Aug-07 20:47:49

I've always heard that joke with smoker's cough and a set of sheep's lungs and the help of a toothbrush.

sugar34plum Wed 29-Aug-07 21:04:45

emsmum have asked dh and was treated to a burp!!

UCM Wed 29-Aug-07 21:07:23

A candle in a safe place whilst you sleep will put paid to it.

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