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To think this is selfish and unfair behaviour?

(131 Posts)
BeTheRabbit Sat 11-Jan-20 14:41:37

Freezing cold day, rainy and windy, and two guys are standing IN the bus shelter smoking.. Which means I have to stand outside because I have a bad cold/chest and don't want to breathe it in.. I can't stand the smell, it's repulsive.. I don't want to end up smelling of smoke, which is what happens.

AIBU to think it is selfish and unfair behaviour on their part?

MonopolyDog Sat 11-Jan-20 14:42:18


hoopdaloo Sat 11-Jan-20 14:44:08

I was under the impression that it was illegal to smoke in a bus shelter?

Alexis21 Sat 11-Jan-20 15:02:24

Yes it it illegal to smoke inside a bus shelter with a roof and usually have signs stating the same .

WorraLiberty Sat 11-Jan-20 15:03:33

YANBU but why didn't you ask them if they could move outside?

dontgobaconmyheart Sat 11-Jan-20 15:04:41

smoking is vile full stop but YANBU OP. Whether they are breaking the law depends on the structure. Could you not have asked them to relocate?

Frenchw1fe Sat 11-Jan-20 15:10:00

We're they waiting for a bus?
Bus shelters are usually open ended so it's not exactly enclosed. I'm mildly asthmatic but it wouldn't bother me.

RightEarlobeBreath Sat 11-Jan-20 15:25:32

Yanbu. And yanbu for not asking them to move either. The type of people who smoke into other peoples faces in a bus stop are usually not the type of people who will respond nicely to a request.

BeTheRabbit Sat 11-Jan-20 15:28:15

I'm in Scotland and unsure if it's illegal.

There were only the two guys there and myself, I didn't feel brave enough to ask them to stop with no back up, who knows how they would react.

The bus shelter had 3 sides with a front panel with two openings..they were standing right next to me so pretty enclosed and not really vastly free flowing for the smoke.

Retroflex Sat 11-Jan-20 15:29:14

I'd be more concerned that you're getting on public transport with a bad cold... I'm on immunosuppressive medication, and although I try my best to avoid contagious diseases, when people knowingly go into enclosed spaces whilst they are infectious it pisses me off...

WorraLiberty Sat 11-Jan-20 15:31:51

People still have to travel about - go to work/go shopping/go to doctors and hospital appointments when they have colds Retroflex.

It's often completely unavoidable.

BeTheRabbit Sat 11-Jan-20 15:32:04

I'm sorry that you are not well Retroflex, but it is my day off and I had things to do. I also have to go to work (with the public) with my bad cold because sadly I don't have the luxury of being able to stay off for a long period without losing my job.

Retroflex Sat 11-Jan-20 15:34:54

@worra food shopping can be done online if it was essential, any other shopping I don't know that you could justify? Work and doctors, actually in flu season most doctors will tell you not to go near the practice, and depending on how bad the cold was, I'm not sure if they should have been at work...

WorraLiberty Sat 11-Jan-20 15:41:02


Even people who do a weekly online food shop will sometimes have to top up fresh stuff.

Plus, when the weekly food shop is ordered, how does one know they're going to get a cold later in the week and might need enough supplies to never have to leave the house?

If people need regular appointments/medication for certain conditions, they'll still need to see the GP even when they have a cold.

"Depending on how bad the cold was, I'm not sure they should have been at work".

The severity of the cold has no bearing on how contagious it is, so that's a moot point.

Retroflex Sat 11-Jan-20 15:43:42

@BeTheRabbit being self employed I don't get any income if I'm off sick, so I can understand the need to be at work. I just think it's maybe a little bit hypocritical to ask if the 2 people smoking is selfish unfair behaviour when you yourself have been both from an immunocompromised person's perspective...

Retroflex Sat 11-Jan-20 15:45:56

@worraLiberty "The severity of the cold has no bearing on how contagious it is, so that's a moot point"

I at no point said that the severity of the cold had any bearing on how contagious it was? So you've made up your own moot point there...

BeTheRabbit Sat 11-Jan-20 15:49:48

I can see why you think so Retroflex, but I don't believe it is exactly the same.

I did not choose to have the cold (and I have had it since the beginning of December, so how long would you like me to not venture out for?)..I don't have much choice about still having to work and live whilst I have it, and since I don't drive I don't have a choice about using public transport when I need to do either of those things. The 2 gentlemen smoking had a choice whether to smoke or' is not an integral and necessary part of them using public transport.

Getting to work and keeping a house running, for me, is.

WorraLiberty Sat 11-Jan-20 15:53:37

I at no point said that the severity of the cold had any bearing on how contagious it was? So you've made up your own moot point there...

You typed the words bad cold in bold. Why did you do that if not to make a point about the severity?

Either way, life is full of people who have to leave their homes when they're ill, so I think you're being pretty nasty to try and make the OP feel guilty about it.

Retroflex Sat 11-Jan-20 15:59:29

It is exactly the same. You made a choice to travel on public transport knowing that you have a contagious disease. Yes, whilst it's true that you did not chose to have it, you have chosen to put other people at risk of catching it from you, knowing that they could possibly be more severely affected by it than you have been.

I highlighted the word bad, because that is how it was described, and depending on how bad the cold is, it was to highlight the point that if she is severely ill, shouldn't she be at home, rather than going into work. Not sure why that's confusing to you.

As for making her feel guilty, that would only happen when people know that they're wrong, so thank you for agreeing that she is.

Retroflex Sat 11-Jan-20 16:01:15

Oh, and I'm definitely not "nasty" for being honest... hmm

WorraLiberty Sat 11-Jan-20 16:05:39

As for making her feel guilty, that would only happen when people know that they're wrong, so thank you for agreeing that she is.

Oh do at least try to read properly hmm

"so I think you're being pretty nasty to try and make the OP feel guilty about it."

I didn't say you succeeded, did I?

Upso Sat 11-Jan-20 16:06:17

@retroflex at this time of year you there are going to be loads of people who have colds etc. So you’re probably going to be exposed to lots of different virus. Do you really think everyone who has a cold should stay at home?
I have a bit of a cold but can’t stay in doors constantly as I have children to take to school etc.

damnthatanxiety Sat 11-Jan-20 16:08:28

Retroflex of course, it is not exactly the same. The OP does not have a choice with regards to going about her life, fulfilling her responsibilities and travelling to and from those responsibilities - on public transport if this is the mode of transport she relies on. It is unreasonable to expect the OP to hermit themselves away since December. That is unreasonable, impractical and pretty much impossible. It is none of these things to expect people who smoke to refrain from doing so in situations where it affects others. Don't be obtuse. The situations are nothing like the same.

PlanDeRaccordement Sat 11-Jan-20 16:09:18

YABU (assuming it’s legal)
It’s only illegal if the openings are less than half the area of any enclosing walls.

If they smoke outside they’d get soaked in the rain. I’d have asked them to please not smoke if it presented me with a health issue (chest infection, asthma, allergy). By saying nothing they have no idea it is bothering you. It’s only selfish and unfair if they have reason to believe their smoking was bothering you.

BeTheRabbit Sat 11-Jan-20 16:11:41

As I said Retroflex, I have to work.

I can't take 6 days off with the cold, let alone 6 weeks, or else I lose my job.

If I lose my job I can't pay my rent or my bills and I lose my home.

Therefore it isn't actually a choice.

I'm pretty sure you understand that, though it makes for better copy to protest that I am some kind of monster. Do carry on, but the vast majority of people would be in my position because it's not an ideal world.

Smoking, when and where, remains a choice that does not impact ones livelihood.

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