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AIBU?

to report my friend for doing this

322 replies

NarwhalsNarwhals · 11/01/2020 06:19

My daughter has very serious mental health issues, we have support in place and anyone that is ever responsible for her without me there or who needs to know, knows exactly what is going on and I'm working with every agency going to make this better for DD. Friends in general don't know because they don't need to/DD doesn't want them to/I don't want them to.

Friend A works for CAMHS as admin. They answered a phone call from me double checking an appointment time. I have never spoken to them about any more than that. Friend B shouted at me because Friend A told her about DD's self harm and suicide attempts and me not coping (which according to B is totally because I am a shit mother who doesn't deserve children) which not only means that A told B about the phone call but A must have gone and found out details because of that call (I don't know if that means they've checked DDs records or asked someone but either way there is no reason they should know - call was literally "hi, I've got two letters here, which one is the right date?" and then DDs name and DOB)

A is an unprofessional dickhead right? and I am allowed to be more angry than I can actually put into words?

I am struggling and maybe I don't deserve her because I don't know how to make this better and I should because I am mum and that is my job and maybe I am over reacting but that is why I'm asking MN before I contact CAMHS.

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HoneysuckIejasmine · 11/01/2020 06:21

Oh dear god, YADNBU! Complaining will destroy your friendship but I reckon that's over now anyway.

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Geneshish · 11/01/2020 06:22

You are not overreacting and they are not your friends. Report this as soon as you can and dont speak to either of them again.

Sorry to hear about your DD. It sounds like you are a great mum getting her the help she needs.

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Comps83 · 11/01/2020 06:23

Needs reporting without a doubt .

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NarwhalsNarwhals · 11/01/2020 06:25

Friendship is definitely over.

OP posts:
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SigridTheHaughty · 11/01/2020 06:28

Report immediately. Friend A needs to lose her job and never work in any field where confidentiality is required again.

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LadyMinerva · 11/01/2020 06:28

Agree with PP. Report and then cut them both out of your life. You don't need them or the drama they bring with them. And A deserves to lose her job.

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catwithflowers · 11/01/2020 06:29

‘Friend’ will possibly lose her job. Entirely her own fault if she does. Disgraceful behaviour.

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pinkstripeycat · 11/01/2020 06:33

That’s dreadful. If your DD found out that these people knew or if they told others that could have a detrimental effect on your daughter. This person needs to lose her job

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Mummyoflittledragon · 11/01/2020 06:34

Definitely report her. A and B are not your friends. A possibly thinks she’s some kind of quasi mental healthcare worker because she works in CAMHS admin. She needs to be sacked imo.

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Ewanismydreamsheep · 11/01/2020 06:34

Definitely report her. Like others have said she’s not your friend and shouldn’t be looking at anything more than appointment details.

Also you sound like an amazing mum who’s doing everything she can for her DD in a tough situation. It’s ok to struggle and not know how to make it better, we can’t always but your trying which is what counts.

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tensmum1964 · 11/01/2020 06:35

Definitely report. That is a serious breach of confidentiality and a terrible thing to do. She deserves to lose her job.

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Plumbus · 11/01/2020 06:36

A has broken medical confidentiality. VERY serious offence. I would report.

B sounds like a twat anyway.

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Freshnewus · 11/01/2020 06:44

I've worked in the NHS.
Accessing a patients notes/records without a clinical need to read them, is a beach of confidentiality and grounds for dismissal.
It's very serious and would be taken extremely seriously.

What a horrible thing for your nosy 'friend' to do. Reading your daughters notes is one thing. It's another to spread the gossip. Who else do you think she could have told?

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flouncyfanny · 11/01/2020 06:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfectstorm · 11/01/2020 06:50

Oh God, please report her. DS is under CAMHS (ASD) and the thought that someone like that could access his notes makes me feel sick. I'm so incredibly, incredibly sorry you've had this experience, but absolutely report her. My understanding is that the NHS record all accesses to patient data, and staff who can't justify why they needed to go in and look are in extremely serious trouble. I also highly doubt you're the only family affected - just the only one to know.

Again, so sorry, but please report this. She deserves to be fired, but even if she's not she will never risk doing it to anyone else again.

Both these women are awful. Flowers

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boredboredboredboredbored · 11/01/2020 06:53

She's breached data protection laws. It's a sackable offence. It's one that's in place for exactly this sort of thing. I'd complain to highest authority you can op!

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MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 11/01/2020 06:57

Neither is much of a friend! Report and don't contact either anymore.

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lostsoulsunited · 11/01/2020 06:58

So called friend A should be sacked forthwith and not given a reference.

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OffTheShelfElf · 11/01/2020 06:58

Definitely report. I work for the NHS and believe me, she would know that what she did was totally against every rule in the book.

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TheFoxAndTheMole · 11/01/2020 07:00

Report her. Not only did she access records that she didn't need to, but she then couldn't keep her gob shut and gossiped about what she found to another friend. That's absolutely disgraceful and absolutely a sacking offence.

I'm so sorry you're struggling Flowers it's perfectly understandable and reasonable to find it hard that your precious beloved child who you'd do anything for is suffering, harming and trying to kill herself. That's incredibly tough on a friend of an adult, (I've been there, and I very much emphatically Was Not Okay) let alone the parent of a child. Heck, I've had a lift to a post surgery appointment from my mum and she came into the room with me and she struggled to see her baby 30 year old daughter hurt, and that was when I was recovering well!

How is your support in real life for you? As "friends" I would cut these two straight out no messing, but do you have close friends who you can talk to for support? Or a charity support line, or counsellor? Flowers

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SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/01/2020 07:00

Report immediately. Friend A needs to lose her job and never work in any field where confidentiality is required again

Absolutely this!

This is an appalling breach of patient trust - and illegal to boot. How dare she?! And why would she, except out of sheet nosiness and spite?

To look in the files is shameful - to share that information is beyond breach of confidentiality.

If you have anything in the way of texts etc to back up you account, keep them, but even if you haven't, complain. This is dreadful!

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Ledkr · 11/01/2020 07:01

Gross misconduct and totally unacceptable..how fucking dare she.

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PlayerOneNotReady · 11/01/2020 07:03

Absolutely report her. Breach of confidentiality is gross misconduct in the NHS and 'friend' will be sacked. Poor her, she knew what she was doing, then made it worse by sharing the information which is also gross misconduct. (I'm NHS staff)

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sickandtiredofsick · 11/01/2020 07:04

If you report which you absolutely should she will be told to deny it
You will probably then have the suggestion put forward that your dd had disclosed it to someone
These departments will lie and cover up things like this because it looks bad for them as a whole organisation I know this first hand from more than once instance sadly
But still complain as it gets logged at least then just do t get your hopes up for a satisfactory outcome you’ll probably get a letter saying ‘we are sorry you feel that this happened we have investigated blah blah blah and have found no evidence the information came from x staff member, probably some crap that they will look again at policies and procedures etc’

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JasonPollack · 11/01/2020 07:05

Please report her, that's absolutely horrendous. Best if luck with your daughter Flowers

I was a suicidally depressed teen, now I'm a mostly functional adult with a family of my own. Recovery is possible, healing is possible Flowers

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