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Well no so much unreasonable as downright pigheadedly naive and deliberately misleading???

(13 Posts)
Tigana Tue 28-Aug-07 10:40:11

to suggest to DH that if I have a second baby I won't turn into a dysfunctional wreck for nearly as long or to such an extent as I did immediately after having ds...because this time I know more what to expect (and have MN to give me a friendly slap around the face when required, of course).

Am I just lying?

Tigana Tue 28-Aug-07 11:17:31

I'm not being unreasonable then....just uninteresting...grin

battlestar Tue 28-Aug-07 11:19:23

do you want another baby then?

maman4 Tue 28-Aug-07 11:21:32

can you see yourself coping with two if one was hard enough?

Tigana Tue 28-Aug-07 11:32:47

battlestar - yes I do.
maman4 - yes I can.
But I want to know if I am being naive in thinking that.

I found the first few weeks really tough with ds...I 'failed' at bf-ing, was in a haze, didn't want to leave the house etc. Might at least some of that be down to lack of experience?
Of course that was 2 years ago and is becoming something of a misty memory.

Not planning on gettng pregnant again anytime soon...we are at the 'discussion' stage grin

EnormousChangesAtTheLastMinute Tue 28-Aug-07 11:42:39

speaking as someone due to give birth to second baby any day, i'd hazard there is always some selective memory and pig headedness involved! yes, it'll be hard all over again. different cos you're more experienced and more relaxed about things you might have been tense about last time but harder cos this time you'll have a toddler as well...but that the hell?! they're tiny for such a short time (see how fast the last two years have gone and aren't they just a joy around 2?)
i can't say i'm looking forward to having a newborn again but it might be much better than i remember (i did breastfeed and dont' regret it and will do it again but it's tying, worth it but tying) but it won't last for ever. it's an investment.

good luck with discussions!

madamez Tue 28-Aug-07 11:43:54

DId you have PND? If so, you might get it again or you might not. If you are on the look out for it and have warned your HV that it's a possiblity, to might get faster DX and treatment for it if it happens,so that would be something Not As Bad As Last Time.
Do you have a sympathetic support system (mum, auntie, friends) nearby as well as your DH? Because if you can get a break from your newborn now and again, it will do you good, and if your DH can get a break from you now and again if you are unhappy it will do him good. Not meaning to sound harsh but it is very hard looking after someone who is depressed or unhappy, and if you;re the carer you need a break.

In favour of you having another baby if you want one is the fact taht you know what to expect more this time around. Which is better than assuming it's all going to be marvellous and having a big surprise.

Tigana Tue 28-Aug-07 11:45:53

Good luck enormouschanges...grin

I see mums walking about happily with tiny newborns in slings/prams etc and I think "if they can do it, so can I".

Now I know getting out of the house makes you feel better.
Now I know how to handle (literally) a newborn, whereas with ds I had held a baby about twice in my life.

Tigana Tue 28-Aug-07 11:49:15

madamez I think I may have had a touch of PND mixed in there along with the 'usual' blues and "omigodihaveababy" to be honest.
DH was total, total star but obviously couldn't give me much advice on why I was struggling with bf etc.

I don't have the largest support network in the world, but there are people I know woudl help me out, have helped out with now I know to ask/accept offers etc grin becuase I don't actually have to proove to myslef that I can do it hmm

LucyJones Tue 28-Aug-07 11:52:53

To be brutally honest I hated the first 3 months with my first child. I convinced myself when pregant with the 2nd that I would be more experienced etc and wouldn't feel the same way.
But when the 2nd one came along I hated the first 3 months too.
I felt a failure because I felt exactly the same way.
But now a year on I feel fine and i'm so glad I had a second child, so just try it. It will ebd up ok but don't get too convinnced that it won't be hell some of the time too

Hurlyburly Tue 28-Aug-07 11:54:23

Well your DH probably knows you.

oliveoil Tue 28-Aug-07 11:56:17

oh I was a snivelling wreck and nightmare for about 3 months with both of mine

experience means nowt

lack of sleep and hormones turn us all doolally imo

fawkeoff Tue 28-Aug-07 11:59:52

i can honestly say that it was easier for me the second time round.i knew what to expect and changed what i thought i did wrong with dd

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