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to panic that he wants a baby NOW !!!

(9 Posts)
jambomum Tue 28-Aug-07 10:28:10

Dh and I had conversation on Friday night that has instilled panic in me. I had thought that we might start thinking about baby 2 in the New Year.
DH said on Friday that he wants to start trying NOW.
I don't know whether to be happy or scared. DS1 is 2.4 yo. Work is not going well at the moment (I'm self-employed) and I am not happy with the fact that I still weight 1 stone more than I did when I became pregnant with DS1 (but have not really been trying very hard to diet).
Please help with your experiences of giving in to your body and your career and having a second, or should I try to regain what I had before indulging again?

LilyLoo Tue 28-Aug-07 10:34:12

tbh if you aren't happy with work or your weight i would wait until the new year and see how things are then. It will prob give you the motivation to loose the weight and reassess work. It can be a stressful time trying for a baby so i think if you are happy in yourself that should make things easier. It's only a few months anyway.

notnowbernard Tue 28-Aug-07 10:35:31

Souns like this needs a bit more discussion... I suppose something to bear in mind is that you may not conceive straight away. How happy would you feel if you were to conceive say, this month? Or on the other hand, if you were still ttc a year down the line?

kitsandbits Tue 28-Aug-07 10:36:16

Wait until the new year,

Explain to DH that you want to get a few things sorted first. If he moans ask if he would like to be 'pressured into something he wasnt ready for?'

Its only a few months for him to wait and its much nicer trying for a baby when you both really want to to it

HonoriaGlossop Tue 28-Aug-07 10:41:07

Well I think you have the casting vote!

It's your body. You say when you're ready. A stone overweight isn't much, but I totally understand that in terms of pregnancy it's a worry. With gaining weight in pregnancy it's alot more to carry around and feeling huge and unhealthy when you're heavily pregnant is not nice.

I think it's really important that you feel ready. I was advised by a Dr that due to me age and a sort of 'complication' with me plumbing as it were, that we should start trying asap, due to the fact it would take a long time to get pregnant.

I happily did this despite having a horribly stressful job (during which I'd put on literally TWO STONE) and of course, got pregnant straight away shock I didn't feel ready emotionally or physically and I found the thought of putting more weight on in pregnancy really scary as I'm only little sad

So I say be strong, make sure you're ready, and enjoy your little boy in the meantime!

alicet Tue 28-Aug-07 14:50:42

I think the fact you are talking in termsof panic means you're not ready yet. Explain to your dh how the conversation made you feel so he understands not to push it, otherwise he might keep on about it thinking you would be hapy.

On the other hand not sure there's ever an ideal time! Ds1 is 18 months and I'm 34 weeks pg with ds2 and am absolutely exhausted and scared (although in a good way) about having to manage with 2 under 2. But that was the right decision for us.

To be honest will things really be that different in the new year which is only 4 months away? You would have to put in quite a concerted effort to lose a stone by then and work may be just as tricky. But I also agree with the poster who said that its your body and therefore ultimately your decision....

jambomum Wed 29-Aug-07 17:46:47

Thank you all for your help. Just what I needed to hear, some good moral support.
I think that I can live with body issues (lots of others at the swing park last weekend looked as though they were!!!)
As for the work thing, it really is a question of money sad and there is never likely to be a 'good' time for a baby in that sense.
Have been reading internet about POP that I have been taking and looks like it all might take a while anyway.
I think the real nub of it is that it makes me feel old and grown up to think of being married with 2 kids !!!!!!!!!! I'm 34, but still feel 18 on the inside.
Thanks for your help wink

alicet Wed 29-Aug-07 18:32:18

I too am 34 and feel 18! And am equally scared of the 2 kids thing as that feels like being a proper family and responsible and everything! ds2 due in 6 weeks though.... Sure though that I will continue to behave like a child a lot of the time and that my little boys will be better for it!!

Good luck to you whatever you decide....

ernest Wed 29-Aug-07 18:40:38

you'll never feel you have enough money, or a big enough house or whatever. basically, if you wait for everything to slot into place you'll never try. As for weight, well, my person view is, why go to all the hassle of dieting if you're just going to get lovely big & pg anyway? I'd just wait till after no. 2 pops out, then deal with it all at once.

My story is - after ds 1 I had medical issues which meant I may experience difficulty conceiving again. I knew I wanted another child, so we didn't actively try, but didn't use contraception on purpose. I was expecting to have to wait 10 years (can be a bit pessimistic). As it was, I got pg straight away & got 1.7 years between my 2. I was a bit surptised

Like others've said, try to imagine of you get pg now, or in 1 year? As it is, if you got pg now, ds1 would be getting on for 3 and a half, already quite a big gap...

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