To want another baby....(9 Posts)
I have five already and I know I am blessed. I am also getting very old to be thinking about any more children and am fast running out of space to keep them... My DH doesn't want any more (but he said that before numbers 3 4 and 5 came along!).
I suffer horribly when I am pregnant too, but I can feel myself getting more and more broody...
How does everyone else cope with this? Tell me why another one isn't a good idea!!! OR, why it is.....................??
no me either, i'm on my first and already want another !
answer these questions for me, and i will give you reasons.......
how many bedrooms does you house have?
can u move house?
do u have a car, if so how big?
do you have boys and girls?
do u feel u need another to be complete?
not being nosey - just cant give good reasons for or against without the full facts!
We have five bedrooms plus two spare rooms that could be bedrooms. We'e just had the loft converted and kitchen extended so we couldn't move. We just couldn't afford anything bigger.
I have four children at home and one away at uni, so she doesn't count(!). Couldn't aford to move to anywhere bigger than this TBH.
We have two cars. One is a people carrier.
I have four DDs and out last baby was a DS!! So I don't think it's a desperate urge to ty again for a particular sex (and I know people will think that I had a big family because I kept trying for a boy but, hand on heart, that's not the case.
DH and I both work full-time, but don't earn enormous salaries. We have no help with the children at all (except our childminder) and rarely go out together because there isn't anyone to babysit.
I'm trying to rationalise why I feel this way but I can't. It must be some primal urge taking over. And I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I am 43 and another baby is probably not likely to happen now anyway and maybe I can't accept it....
Over to you.
A thought. How would you feel about having a special needs or more seriously affected child? I had dd at 43 - she's my first and only - I just can't have another one although I would like to. I had no testing done and we were prepared to make the best of whatever happened. Trying (and failing) for another made me realise that I felt a little less philosophical about this issue with a second child because we already had a child to consider wrt our time and resources. So, since you are my kind of age, that is something to consider. Would you have no regrets if you 6th child had a serious condition. If you are sure you can answer yes to that question - then I can't see any reason why you shouldn't go ahead and try - as along as your dh is on board too. Jill
right thanks for the answers! as far as space in your house and vehicles etc, it sounds like you are suitably equipped for another baby - and i can see its not because you feel you have missed out on boy/girl! also as you work already full time then you would have considered financial side of things properly!
my personal opinion would be to really talk it through with your DH and find out how you both feel.... some things to consider....
*are you just feeling sentimental about child bearing and don't want it all to stop due to age etc?
*would it affect marriage either way - e.g. if you did or didnt have another?
*do you not long for a time when u and DH can spend time alone together on a regular basis?
no-one can really make the decision for you, but no you are not being unreasonable - you have plenty of room for them, and plenty of love so it sounds - your reasons do not sound selfish (for example, wanting to have number 6 with 5 little ones in a small 3 bed house etc and no car!) but simply natural! good luck with whatever you decide!
Thanks for that.
I have thought long and hard about what would happen if anything was "wrong" should we have another baby. DD3 had a congenital problem at birth, and DD4 was ten weeks' premature. DS had the cord wrapped tightly raound his neck and had some "oxygen issues". At the time all those thngs were frightening but we have been so lucky that nothing has been permanent. With DD4 and DS I had nuchal fold screening and my risk for Downs was the same as the risk of miscarriage from the amnio, and the midwife said that was about the worst situation to be in! I have alwyas thought (for myself and this is just my opinion) that any child of mine would be wanted and loved regardless but that's where DH and I differ. He felt and I think would feel again if I got pregnant,that he would not want to carry on with a pregnancy if the baby were in some way badly affected. Given my age (and I wonder if his age matters??!)there is obviously more risk of that happening and I can se his point that with four other children at home it would be extremely tough to cope. It may be impossible? It would probably also mean giving up work with all the financial problems that would bring...
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